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Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

620 replies

Weddingpoet · 21/07/2014 09:43

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

OP posts:
LineRunner · 21/07/2014 11:19

Or indeed simply, 'Fuck your kitchen'.

Suzannewithaplan · 21/07/2014 11:03

Fuck your kitchen
Quit your bitchin
Stuff your well
And shove your bell

Perhaps we could muster a limerick, but we'd need a location...

There was a young couple from?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 21/07/2014 10:53

I do hope you donated nothing more than a pair of rubber gloves as you rang the bell.... :) Grasping, crass and thought it would work as a poem. Deserves to go viral on Facebook.

Tinkerball · 21/07/2014 10:52

Sadly I do believe it . Don't understand how anyone could possibly think it was a good idea though.

dairylea4brains · 21/07/2014 10:48
Shock

I am cringing at the thought! So rude!

QueenOfThorns · 21/07/2014 10:47

Which is your relative, OP, the bride or groom? Do you think they're both behind the grabbiness, or is one of them leading it?

melliebobs · 21/07/2014 10:45

That makes me cringe inside for them

Thiscantbetrue · 21/07/2014 10:43

Unbelievable Shock

Suzannewithaplan · 21/07/2014 10:38

That ditty is dire
Has provoked my ire
I'm now so irate
I ain't gonna donate

TalcumPowder · 21/07/2014 10:30

Dear lord, so this couple spent their wedding night fishing the cash out of their wishing well and counting it, and now they're disappointed with the total?

And yes, I also want to know, are cash gifts in a wishing well included with a note or card so the bride and groom know who gave how much, or just anonymous envelopes of money?

fuzzpig · 21/07/2014 10:25

No jeffing way! Shock

DidoTheDodo · 21/07/2014 10:24

THAT not that's . Gah!

DidoTheDodo · 21/07/2014 10:23

Your shitty poem is a winner
But since we had to pay for dinner
No money's in your wishing well
My wish is that's you'll go to Hell.

JenniferJo · 21/07/2014 10:20

How awful for you, OP. But you can't help relatives, at least they aren't friends.

JustSpeakSense · 21/07/2014 10:20

Un-fucking-believable!

BeaglesOfDeathMetal · 21/07/2014 10:19

AAaahahahahaa those response poems are fabulous. Well done, MN.

Pagwatch · 21/07/2014 10:18

Linerunner wins!
Pithy.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2014 10:18

I do like the telegram idea. I don't think I'd put strong letter, though. Just the first sentence. Grin

SauvignonBlanche · 21/07/2014 10:17

No! Shock

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2014 10:16

Pirate Grin

Piratejones · 21/07/2014 10:16

What do you think will last longest op? The marriage or the building work on the kitchen?

Or the mothers hangover.

GrowlLikeMargeSimpson · 21/07/2014 10:16

Do you get a full refund if the marriage lasts less than 2 years?

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2014 10:15

What do you think will last longest op? The marriage or the building work on the kitchen?

Suzannewithaplan · 21/07/2014 10:14

Did Jeremy Kyle show up?

Suzannewithaplan · 21/07/2014 10:13

My vote goes to linerunners pithy response, I don't think anyone should really waste the effort required to compose more than a couple of lines