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Original poster

Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

620 replies

Weddingpoet · 21/07/2014 09:43

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

OP posts:
ballsballsballs · 21/07/2014 15:56

I rather like the idea of a wedding raffle, where the bride and groom try to get shot of any 'boxed gifts' at a vast profit. Say, fifty quid a strip of cloakroom tickets, purchase compulsory?

At my first wedding my drunken uncle sold raffle tickets for our gifts... to my groom's family. When he was rumbled he donated the money to charity. Grin

MrsBungle · 21/07/2014 15:54

OH MY GOD. I have now heard it all.

ohdearitshappeningtome · 21/07/2014 15:52

Are these family members
You see regularly??

ShockShockShock

FatewiththeLeadPiping · 21/07/2014 15:48

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FatewiththeLeadPiping · 21/07/2014 15:48

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Pheonixisrising · 21/07/2014 15:44

Loving this !
So OP how are you going to reply - you can't let this one go !

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 21/07/2014 15:40
Grin
LineRunner · 21/07/2014 15:36

2nd prize, both of the groom's mother's dresses.

ChickenFajitaAndNachos · 21/07/2014 15:34

The first prize in the raffle should be the groom's mothers's dress.

LineRunner · 21/07/2014 15:23

I rather like the idea of a wedding raffle, where the bride and groom try to get shot of any 'boxed gifts' at a vast profit. Say, fifty quid a strip of cloakroom tickets, purchase compulsory?

MammaTJ · 21/07/2014 15:02

Nobody ever needs to post another wedding poem again!

This one cannot be topped!

PinkSparklyElephant · 21/07/2014 15:00

I'd have rather had a smaller wedding than ask my guests to pay for their meal! I actually felt a bit mean that we didn't put anything behind the bar!

We asked for money but only if anyone said they wanted to give us something (there was nothing in the invitation). I can't imagine thinking 'Oooh, we didn't receive enough, how can we get some more?' - I was amazed and grateful we got anything!

FrogStomp · 21/07/2014 14:59

This has kept me amused. Very funny and the cheek of it! I'm surprised they didn't have a chocolate tombola running alongside the wishing well to raise more for the kitty!

stephenisjustcoming · 21/07/2014 14:53

So it wasn't really a wedding you attended, so much as a rather sub-par charity fundraiser?

They could at least have done a raffle.

Blu · 21/07/2014 14:50

Since it is 2014:

The bells on the well go TingaLingaLing
For you, but not from me.
Your kitchen bill, kerching-a-ching-a-ching, rings out so greedily.
Oh! debt, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling? Avarice,, thy victory?
The Bells of the Well go ting-a-ling-a-ling
For you, but not from me.

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 21/07/2014 14:45

Shock. This couple and their family sound terrible!

Their barefaced cheek is unbelievable.

I am loving some of the responses though. Get sending them, pass them round to others to send too and do let us know any updates OP!

BauerTime · 21/07/2014 14:36

Some people honestly have no idea that they are not the most important things in the world. Pay for your own meal? And that invite should have ended no presents please. I think my cash gift (if i actually went) would have been my usual gift amount minus the cost of the food. Even if that meant i had to sellotape just a few coins in the card.

What dicks.

vladthedisorganised · 21/07/2014 14:36

Your poem was lacking in talent
The content was lacking in class
In fact the one thing that it's good for
Must be to be shoved up your wishing well!

Deftones · 21/07/2014 14:35

I get married in September...wish we got a wishing well, damn it.

I laughed loudly on the bus home reading the OP. Unfuckingbelievable...stunning in fact

BackforGood · 21/07/2014 14:34

"We were sent a menu with the invites and told to order direct with the bar and pay over the phone and our food would be ready at a given time."

Words just fail me.....

LittleBearPad · 21/07/2014 14:33

"We were sent a menu with the invites and told to order direct with the bar and pay over the phone and our food would be ready at a given time."

It gets better.

diddl · 21/07/2014 14:28

"We were sent a menu with the invites and told to order direct with the bar and pay over the phone and our food would be ready at a given time."

And yet people still went!!

Lj8893 · 21/07/2014 14:25

I am in total shock!!

ive just read it to dp, it takes alot to shock him and his jaw is actually still on the floor!

BomChickaMeowMeow · 21/07/2014 14:19

Dear former friend,

Have you flipped your lid?
We already spent 200 quid
On your big day, so cut the bitchin'
And pay for your own fucking kitchen.

oldiebutnctoday · 21/07/2014 14:17

Weddingpoet, can I ask, after your initial shock at the email was it replaced by an overwhelming - wait till I tell mn this?! Lol!

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