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Original poster

Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

620 replies

Weddingpoet · 21/07/2014 09:43

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

OP posts:
Catsize · 21/07/2014 23:13

I wonder if there is a business called Tunbridge Wells...
Wally?...

RahRahRasputin · 21/07/2014 23:12

Ugh that's so awful! I'm cringing on their behalf, but it sounds like this is fairly typical for them, not some sort of Bride/Groomzilla episode.

I'm old fashioned too and would prefer no reference to gifts at all in invitations, and certainly no poems! Perhaps the old "no presents, just your presence" if really necessary.

The crowd funding wedding article has wound me up a bit. I can't understand why strangers would donate money for a perfectly ordinary couple to have a fancy wedding. There are so many worthy causes in the world! Confused

SweetsForMySweet · 21/07/2014 23:11
Shock

Rude does not cover it!! Shock

Catsize · 21/07/2014 23:06

Wally's new venture was about to take off
And she wondered just who might suppot her.
She posted on Mumsnet about her great wells
And someone went on to report her.
But just like this wedding, her wells were a joke
But Ellen, she just didn't know.
She wrote a small poem from MNHQ
Expressing her sadness and woe.
She begged for forgiveness from CEO Wally
Who wanted some remuneration
Coz the only true way to get someone to pay
Is with bells and with wells and much gumption.

elQuintoConyo · 21/07/2014 23:04

That poem was crass.
Stick it up your ass.

Darquesse · 21/07/2014 22:39

Loving the poem replies. Struggling to believe anyone would actually send that! Its ridiculous.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 21/07/2014 22:35

... and now, please do sit down, and spin round on THIS.

Charlesroi · 21/07/2014 22:34

I await with baited breath the first turnstile wedding.
If Wally's wishing well business doesn't work out maybe self-service tills, like they have in Tesco? Scan your invite, the machine tells you how much you owe and you pay. It's more convenient because you can pay by cash or card. No money, no entry.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 21/07/2014 22:34

You questioned the contribution we're making
But let us correct you, for you are mistaken.
For when we drew close to the well for to wish,
Did you not hear the sound of a gentle long hiss?
That's right, coz you take it, we gave you some piss.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2014 22:33

Oooh that's elegant Linerunner

It might be more romantic to have a pair of grasping hands.

How about a papier-mâché dove with a giant bulldog clip in place of a beak?

Or for building work money raising themes - a sequined cement mixer....

LineRunner · 21/07/2014 22:27

Wally, I've just thrown together a papier mache open-mouthed hair-tossing head of Kate Middleton called The Marital Jaws Of Greed.

You can have that for a tenner. But you have to supply your own wig because I think think the burnt spaghetti I've used might come across as disrepectful to the older generation.

Pagwatch · 21/07/2014 22:23

at Ellenmumsnet
Grin

Quite excellent !

SauvignonBlanche · 21/07/2014 22:22
Grin
WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2014 22:18

Of course Ellen I have a range of bespoke models for all budgets.

I'm thinking of bringing in a new range:

Wheelbarrow of riches
Giant grasping ceramic fist

I'd love to hear customer feedback.

wwwWWWWW.com

ThatWasNice · 21/07/2014 22:10

Grin @ EllenMumsnet .... just when you think the thread can't get any funnier....

MNHQ
EllenMumsnet · 21/07/2014 22:08

Only in a bespoke, hand crafted wishing well Wally
Grin

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 21/07/2014 21:53

Wow! And to think I feel bad asking people to repay money they owe me!

WallyBantersJunkBox · 21/07/2014 21:52

Tacky? Moi? Shock

Oh go on then, Ellen I'll forgive you if you pop £50 in an envelope

Catmint · 21/07/2014 21:45

We can't believe you are for real
We've already shelled out for our meal
You really aren't needy
Just entitled and greedy
But you'll just have to look for a deal

GrowlLikeMargeSimpson · 21/07/2014 21:37

Grin at EllenMN. The thing is, if it had been sneak advertising your speedy intervention might have saved a MNetter from that fate worse than death, a tacky wedding.

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 21/07/2014 21:33

"They also lack cadence.

For that, they die."

I love you, LineRunner.

LineRunner · 21/07/2014 21:31

EllenMN, but what about Wally's lost Wedding Wishing Well business revenue? Only a metaphysical canto can compensate for that.

She was earning £2.50 a week before you interfered.

Piratejones · 21/07/2014 21:30
Grin
MNHQ
EllenMumsnet · 21/07/2014 21:28

Oh Wally - what must you think?
I came along and zapped your link
before I scrolled on down the screen
and saw what you did really mean.
(Although I must admit a deal
of thoughts 'long lines o' "Is this fuh real?")
I feel I must apologise
For moderating with closed eyes,
and hope this poem makes amends
So we may end as Mumsnet friends.

Flowers Flowers

KissMyFatArse · 21/07/2014 21:13

I think this might be my favourite post ever. Along with the replies! Am loving it! GrinGrinGrin

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