School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

out with, I'd have liked that comment in my school report, would have demonstrated some understanding on the part of the teacher instead of outright hostility to anyone not a natural athlete...

X is learning to.... = X can't yet .....

e.g.

"Sproinglet is learning to share with others" = there's a tantrum if someone else gets the toy she wants. I know this as we have had the same comment for three years and she is the same at home!

This thread is great.

A friend got the following snippet from one of her teachers.

"If X spent as much time on her classwork as she does talking to boys, she would be Einstein by now."

I loved DD1s Y2 comment: DD1 has been impressive in her determination to be heard in class.

= both 'will tell us what she thinks whether anyone wants her to or not' and 'despite being the smallest in the class will not be shouted down by any fucker'. I think that's a fair balance.

She does have a sporadic stammer, though, so actually that's cheering either way.

Pretty much all my reports translated as "can get away with cruising but as she does everything we ask of her we can't really complain". C for effort for the majority of my school career.

Ds's reports talk a lot about his "unique" approach to his work i think this means he's a bit of an oddball in the nicest possible way.

So when they says DD has an endearing love of animals and people does that mean she collects waifs and strays?

I can remember being very pleased when my usual C- for PE (yes, long, long ago) was C+ one year - with the comment 'Improved' next to it..! Says it all about my sports career....

My own report from PE read 'Notnow needs to concentrate on controlling her own limbs,' which sounds bad enough but actually means 'Notnow has hit the teacher with a hockey stick more than once this term.'

From DS's PE teacher this year:

"has worked exceptionally hard to alleviate the difficulties he experiences with spatial awareness, bodily control and co-ordination"

Somehow the fact that it's dressed up as a compliment makes it even more depressing. I'd be happier with a straightforward 'not good at PE'.

I got DS's report home today. Some of my favourites include:

1. With support xxxx will respond to what others have said but usually only if it is a topic he is interested in.

1. Xxxx is always willing to put his hand up in whole class discussions and his responses are becoming more relevant.

I feel sorry for the teacher and the ta's who have had him this year as it has been a real challenge for him to adjust and we have had a few problems. He has however apparently been a pleasure to teach this year suspect the teacher may have been pissed when she wrote that bit.

I expect DD's report (nursery) on Monday. I am willing to bet that 'sings enthusiastically and often' features on it. Also 'confident', 'popular/has a wide group of friends' and 'needs to learn how to handle disappointment' will be present as well. I.e she is a noisy little madam who won't shut up, will play with everyone but can sulk with the best of them when she doesn't get her way.

Little miss fuckery got "keep up with the netball" from her form tutor. She never ever played netball.
Thing one and thing two (twins) got each other's reports. Eg-thing one "was a valuable member of the rugby team" er no. Thing two "has a lively interest in history" again no. They both had a "relaxed approach to learning." -idle little fuckers.

Great thread!

We got "minipepper has an enquiring mind" which I assume translates as "asks lots of questions all the time"!

DD (Reception) came home with a report saying 'x contributes enthusiastically in class but does need to learn when it is appropriate to be talking and when it is not' and then later in the report 'x needs to practice being quiet' clearly they felt subtlety was wasted on her

I was always 'independent' and 'spirited' I was a fucking nightmare :)

Haha just reading my two ds' in primary school reports now after reading these posts on here and peeing myself laughing! They ve only been there a short time and its obvious theyve worked out one is totally quiet and the other is a noisy monkey! Lol

Apparently DD2 (R) "is starting to understand the value of negotiation over 'meltdown'. " We are hoping this might become apparent at home one day too...!

Tone deaf dd got "MiniEgg sings with enthusiasm" for music last year.

This must be standard usage! DS had the slight advance on that of 'sings with enthusiasm and some sense of rhythm...'

I've got a question one of my reports from my then form mistress (shows age) said "OnIlkey is a very robust young lady."

Now I can hazard a guess what that means, but if you as a teacher wrote that, what would you mean?! I've always wanted to know!

Surely "x is growing in confidence" implies that there is some change going on and x's confidence is greater than it was before. Same for "has started". If the child still won't say boo to a goose then it is a lie to say that they have started to answer more questions.

In the '70's they didn't mince their words, I was always day-dreaming, talking too much and rubbish at PE!

DS got his report and I think 'he is able to investigate and can use a variety of materials and processes to communicate his ideas and meanings by designing images and artefacts' translates as has used all the sellotape and boxes in the entire school.

I love 'he particularly enjoyed some expressive dance sessions outside'- he ran around like a loon (DH once described his dancing as like a chimpanzee needing a wee).

Does 'he is able to sing confidently and expressively following the shape of the melody' mean he bawls his head off totally out of tune?

As a teacher myself, my standard line for those who really don't have much going on between the ears is to say "x is learning to... " then whatever it is they are unable to do. Also my tactful teacher way of saying they constantly drive me crackers by calling out and I am forever nagging them to shut up is "x is learning the importance of putting their hand up when answering quesitons or contrubuting to class discussions". Another one might be "x is growing in confidence and it is great to see that he has started to answer more questions during carpet time" which translates as "x won't say boo to a goose and would rather sit mutely on the carpet than have a go at answering a question." Have to say, though, I have always loved the kids I have taught and really do try to do my best to write reports that show that I know AND like thier kid!

One of my science reports stated,

"Puny is too easily satisfied with her work."

Damn right

We've had words