School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

We had "DS2 is always happy to talk to adults if there is a problem" translates as DS2 is a big tell tale

Enthusiastic always means a handful IMO.

DD is a square peg in a round hole and would be described as quirky. Her y6 report said the teacher admired her individuality. I didn't read any negativity in that tbh. I thought it was a lovely thing to say.

I remember one comment in my report along the lines of 'chicaguapa has done well to achieve this [very high] mark, it makes you wonder how well she'd do if she shut the fuck up talked less in class.

I loved this one 'X sometimes is engrossed in her lovely ideas' - in other words she daydreams?!

Dd2 is now 20 and we have a collection of school reports along the lines of:
Dementedchild is keen to contribute to class discussions
Contributes enthusiastically to debates
Enjoys group discussions
Has good verbal skills
Can be a little chatty
Etc
Etc
Which all meant that she couldn't shut the fuck up for more than 30 seconds!
She still can't but when I watch her take the mic as lead vocalist in her band and just rock a room full of people, I feel the girl is playing to her strengths!

*lighten

Loving these!

I'm a teacher and there really is always something positive to say. But if a child is being disruptive, or not working hard enough, I will say so quite clearly.

My DC will get theirs next week. DD1's will be glowing (it appears that she can do no wrong at school, but she's a moody little mare at home sometimes). If there's any criticism, it'll be along the lines of telling her to lighted up a bit. DD2 will undoubtedly get imaginative, creative (good at making things but doesn't concentrate), independent (does her own thing and couldn't care less what anyone thinks), and probably a comment about how she needs to learn to control herself. Indeed she does.

Yeh, my favourite was my ds Steven when he was at secondary...
"Mark is excellent at..."

Thankfully, i thought it was quite funny!

My favourite from a few years ago for DS1 from his music teacher:
"he is working hard to try and pitch his voice accurately"
Translation - he can't sing. No surprises there!

Other spot-on comments for littledepp:

"a real character" - oh yes
"struggles to maintain concentration" - definitely
"tendency to chat" - yup

My favourite from dd's report (she's 6): "She loves to entertain us with her anecdotes" - oh dear

Ds's (Yr R) captured him perfectly and showed just how well his teacher knows him - both the good and not so good! The words interesting and imaginative cropped up a few times. Dd's on the other hand (Yr 2) did have the feel in parts of being copied and pasted particularly in the different curriculum areas - x is confident at/able to/enjoys/is beginning to*...

*=Delete as applicable

I have 2 very different children, I commented to a kindergarten teacher who had had them both a few years apart - (no teachers at the school have had both of them so was interested as she's the only one that has taught them both ) how different they both are ( different sexes, 3 years age gap ) and she said:

"Hmm. I don't know. They both, erm, know their own minds."

And yes, I know what this means.

YY agree the demand for teachers to be endlessly positive instead of accurate has left parents mystified. Very unhelpful as they don't know where/how their children need to improve, so can't boot them up the backside gently but firmly encourage where required

Talking of which, this made me smile - copied and pasted exactly from DS's report:

'The only times he slips to an A rather than an A* is when he does not check his work and allows small errors to slip thorough.'

Ha, but perhaps proof reading before sending might be time well spent when they are the deliverers of education: Twice DS name was swapped for another word.

I got for dc4 'miss tiggaa was not what I was expecting. I don't know what I was expecting but I wasn't expecting this!'

Last year I got for dc3 'miss tiggaa is an angel sent down from heaven'

They are quite different obviously.

dc5 is 'stubborn'. Which we know.

I love our school. The affection for the children shines thru every conversation with them :)

What does it mean when they call DD "Quirky" surely that just means "a bit odd". DD reports are generally good "lovely manners" "pleasure to teach " etc but I am thankful for the fact that sometimes they do have a bit of brutal honesty i.e about her worrying and in the early years when she suffered a bit of separation anxiety from her Dad because she wanted to be at home with him playing Mario Cart

It is only primary school that has been this honest though infants was mystifying and always given out last day of term!!

We got "Very knowledgeable and likes to share her knowledge with the rest of the class" equates to Mrs Know it all and likes to let everyone know it.

DD1 (5) is "sometimes abrupt with others" = bossy little wotsit?

My dd is too young for a school report - I remember one from my English teacher in 1st year of secondary "I thought I could talk and then I met everything"

but my favourite is one my cousin got in geography one year "x does well to find his way home" - maybe we're more direct in Scotland

Ahh it's all in code! This is a revelation to me. It explains why ds's report SEEMED so good in the comments part, but his C grade for effort and the fact he's behind in all his subjects bar reading had me perplexed!

'DCMM's results in cookery (it was the 80s) have been down to good luck than good management'
It still stings.

I got belligerent and talks too much. Don't schoolteachers use the equivalent of a shit sandwich still? Good thing, bad thing, good thing? Or does it all have to be positive with decoding required?

One of my secondary reports in PE said " mrssprout tries her best given the difficult circumstances" this translates to when I wrote"does not try" in her last report you came to the school, reminded me of her serious health problems & nearly ripped my head off

My dm once wrote about an able but exceptionally lazy pupil.
"Uses his brain only when all else fails"
The head, who was ahead of his time on the positive reports insisted she changed it.

I think the relentless positivity of reports has backfired on me. Because now I look at a positive comment and wonder if they really meant it to be positive or whether there is a negative double meaning.