School report 'code' - which ones have you spotted/do you know about?

Just had a look at DDs report:

"She has some fantastic ideas and a great imagination but needs to ensure that it is appropriate to the task and not allow herself to be swept away on a wave of creativity." = needs to listen to instructions and actually do the work she has been set.

"xxx has adopted a more controlled approach to her artwork and now works more slowly and carefully. This has had a positive impact on the standard of her work, which has certainly improved." = what the f* was going on with her artwork at the start of the year?!

"The standard of xxx's work has improved noticeably since the start of the year. Her personal organisation had also improved." = actually does her homework ocassionally, and sometimes remembers to bring the right books to school on the right day.

oh and remembered one from last term, Spanish again - she wrote that it was a shame that ds chose to spend most of the lesson being 'flippant and contrary' which I suppose is about as honest as it can get!

Reports are a complete waste of time, in my opinion. They're always so namby pamby and vague. I really don't get why people jizz themselves over them and brag about how amazing their children are doing- I think that is shown in this thread, that even the worst behaved children are praised for fuck all. There's even been loads of times when I was in secondary that my friends and I compared reports and they were identical for a lot of classes that had the same teacher. Sometimes I was referred to by the wrong name

If a child was struggling in class, they would hopefully bring it up with the parents before the report. If there was an issue with homework etc, I would hope that it would be flagged up earlier. Likewise if they were gifted or exceptional in particular subjects.

This thread is really funny though

and as for DD's "minisquiggle2 often has interesting stories and things to share with the class", I am refusing to even think about that it means "I know every detail of your home life and every argument you have", doesn't it?

Also "minisquiggle has his own unique style in answering questions"

DS got very indignant about "minisquiggle is blessed with an ability to retain what he has learnt and what we have covered in lessons - most mere mortals need a lot of repetition before it sticks" - he says it is down to hard work, not luck - personally I read "minisquiggle needs to be less smug about knowing stuff when his classmates don't"

Cynical, moi?

My best was:

"Oubliette does no work. She will get an A."

My favourite comment from dd's report: "[dd] is very proud of her duel heritage". The teacher was clearly going for dual, but given an unfortunate history of conflict between dd's father and me (well known to the school), "duel" is far more apt. I shall adopt this in future.

ds just got for cricket 'choses to take himself away from the actilon' (prefers sitting chatting than actually playing)
and for Spanish - 'valcitates between fantastic homework and no homework at all and should work on making a more effective contribution in class' (yes, hes another one who does nothing all year and smashes the end of year exams and gets to set the teachers teeth on edge for another year!)

For the first couple of years at secondary my PE report said

'Makes a good effort' = kentish is shit at all sports

After that it was
'participates but with little enthusiasm = kentish has realised she is shit at all sports, as have the rest of the class, who all have a go at her about it.

got loads of 'could achieve more' and 'would achieve more with better attendance' and 'pleasing exam result but would benefit from doing homework' = kentish is a lazy moo who skives off all the time and does bugger all work all year but annoyingly enough smashes the end of year exams so gets to stay in the top set and set my teeth on edge.

One teacher wrote 'the problem with kentish is she knows she will pass the exam without having to do all the work', to which me and my parents thought, fair enough, why do the work then?

AgentDiNozzuro it's always good to feel you recognise the child in question!

My school PE report in the 90s said just:
"Poll's games kit is always neat and tidy."

I was useless at the usual school games (but much better at the sports I took up later in life).

Rusty: of course that's where the typo will be. DS1's English teacher copied and pasted the same paragraph into his report twice. Of course it was the paragraph about accuracy and proof-reading.

"Littlescrambled has been quite a character this year" aka extremely naughty. However, he did get two 5Cs and a 4a in his year 6 SATs so he isn't doing too badly academically (sorry had to get that boast in)

My daughter got, X's artwork is very interesting

I have proof read all the reports at the junior school I work at for about 10 years, so well over 2,000 reports, and I know that if a teacher is going to make a typo it will inevitably be in a section where they say the pupil must learn to check their work...

I think reports would be far duller if you didn't have to read between the lines.

My favourite from my own report was "Galaxy is an asset to the junior choir" - ie sings very loudly.

My favourite comment, for technology was 'has had experience of tools'. Nuff said, really.

I am loving this thread, going to dig out DS' preschool report and decode it in the morning.

I nominate for Classics!

We had, "DS has an encyclopaedic knowledge which often comes in useful."
I suspect he is a bit of a know all with no qualms about correcting the teacher.

The most memorable comment I ever received was from my art teacher.I freely admit I cannot draw a straight line! He wrote---

"matey works to the best of her ability"

I got 24 percent in the exam that year!

DS has had all the ones about being keen to answer questions = won't let anyone get a word in and thinks he is always right.

Brother once got "Trying" for Art.

Perfect report, & one which I occasionally use myself...