What happens to people after they die in hospital

I'd second KatieKayes thanks you. I'm sitting trying to get the kids washed and dressed, feeling tearful but happy that my Dad and hundreds of others every day are treated so respectfully.

Nhs at its best

I hope you have found some comfort in the nurses kind words OP. The thought of what happens after can be very upsetting so I hope they have helped re-assure you of it all being respectful and gentle at least.

Bloody hell, 8.15 in the morning and I'm crying.

My thoughts to those that have lost loved ones and thank yous to those who have provided reassurance.

I will add that our babies on labour ward are treated very kindly too, like a live baby. I know I am not the only midwife who has tucked a stillborn baby up in their Moses basket when they are away from their family. I have always chatted to the babies as I prepared them.

I have often accompanied the porter to the mortuary with the babies so the family are not handing their baby to a stranger, sometimes the family come to. Our porters when that happened were so caring of the family and us midwives who don't know the procedures to follow in the mortuary.

A huge thank you to all who have posted from their personal experience. My Dad was blue lighted to hospital from a nursing home and died before we could get there. I've never allowed myself to think about happened. After that and still feel awful I wasn't there.
Your stories about the love and respect are a great comfort even if I am sitting on the bus crying.

I work with the elderly for the NHS, patients with dementia, alzhiemers, managing violence and aggression, and in the 14 yr I have worked there I have assisted to lay 8 deceased patients out ready for collection from the funeral director.

As others have said, we talk to them through out the whole process, wash them, clean sheets, open the window bit close the curtains. We also leave a side light on and in some instances a radio if the person was a particular music lover.

We often return to the room and we as someone stated, talk to them as we enter the room, walk round the room and as we leave the room, no different as to how we would had the person been alive.

The person is treat with respect and compassion, I have never been it a situation where the person has been ignored as it were, if in the caring profession it is second nature to treat the person this way. I have sat with people as they have taken their final breath and I have had a silent tear, we work with our patients over prolonged time and we get to know the person how they were before they got ill, we get to know the family and the new person the patient has become, so it is a sad time for us as well, a member off staff always attends the funeral as well.

I am so sorry for your loss OP. My Mam died 10 year ago when I was 25, she died at home, alone on her kitchen floor, it has taken me this long to be able to talk about it. All I can say is, time is a great healer though you will never forget, your memories will soon be of the good times and you will stop feeling that raw sense of loss. Take care OP

It's horrible to have it all going through your head, isn't it? I hope this thread is helping you.

In a hospice, so a bit different, but when my daughter died they acted exactly as if she were alive. Talking to her, stroking her hair, very gentle and respectful. They removed all the tubes and dressed her in the outfit we chose, and left her in her private room until the chilled suite was ready. Anyone walking into the room while they were dealing with it all wouldn't have known she was dead.

Not only do the nurses that I know describe chatting gently and being respectful during last offices but I know and have seen the porters who take them to the mortuary be totally compassionate and caring.

Op we asked the same question when my grandparent died. We were told the same as you have heard from many others. That the patient was washed, wrapped in clean linen and taken by the porter to the mortuary.
I'm sorry this is on your mind.

Gymboy

It can be hard for families to see someone immediately after. The tubes and mess that your mum and brother saw were the aftermath of the paramedics trying to help your dad.

I'm glad that your mum saw him at the undertaker and that is the memory of your dad that she takes with her. As I have said up thread the care you provide to someone who has died and their family is your last chance to be kind. I have never met anyone in my professional life who has felt differently.

Pirate, why bother keeping posting on this thread? It's obvious that you will be upsetting the op, she only posted to get reassurance, which 99% of us are giving, just leave it!

Please stop mentioning it.

If everyone left the post it would have been deleted and that would have been that, but now every other poster has mentioned it, please just stop talking about it. If people stop talking to me i'm not going to post here.

just please stop.

I run a very busy department were we do unfortunately deal with a lot of end of life.

I can assure you that despite being exceptionally busy with a lot of patients, my nursing team go out of their way to care for patients after they have passed on, as do all the medical team.

We do talk to our patients we do this not only out of respect for them but as a form of grieving ourselves. I know of not one person that has entered the medical profession without wanting to care and look after people. We feel a loss when we are unable to fulfil that duty. In some cases we may have built up relationships with a patient over a period of time. In others we have never met them before.

I can speak on behalf of my whole department that we treat each "passing" as if they were a member of our own family. With upmost respect and care at all times.

NO ONE has ever been placed in a storage cupboard. Even when we are exceptionally pushed for space or time etc. We have protocols to follow and this is something that quite simply would never ever happen.

As other posters have mentioned the body is washed and cleaned with total care and respect. We normally chat away to the deceased exactly the same as if they were still awake. The body is wrapped and transported by attendants.

I have worked with many staff, I have contact with the whole of the team that deals with deceased patients and I can guarantee you that each and every person involved with this process acts with professionalism, respect and care at each and every stage.

I am very sorry for your loss please be reassured that your DM will have been treated as we would any patient, With care, respect and upmost professionalism at all times.

Pirate, why bother keeping posting on this thread? It's obvious that you will be upsetting the op, she only posted to get reassurance, which 99% of us are giving, just leave it!

i didn't.
my mum and brother did.
my brother said he looked terrible.he still had the tube in his mouth etc.

the worst thing was throwing away his clothes-he had been wearing his favourite old saggy cardigan and they had had to cut it off him.[sob]

anyway- when my mum saw him at the undertakers, they said he looked fabulous-just like himself-but weller than he had been in ages. That's good i suppose.

Every nurse I have ever known has talked to the deceased person and also done the window opening thing.

Hug OP. I hope your day goes ok. Sorry for your loss.

My Mum died of cancer and spent her last 5 days in hospital. She was unable to be moved to the hospice due to norovirus outbreak in the hospital.

At all times she was treated with the utmost dignity and respect. One of the nurses who had been caring for her when on duty looked after her after she died and that meant a great deal to us. He took the time to explain what he would be doing and for me at least I found that very comforting.

I did wonder how they moved the body from the room to the mortuary and did not have the courage to ask the nurse that, so asked a GP friend later and she said they have special beds with a sunken compartment, so it looks like a normal bed to people passing it.

[wipes away a tear]

It's so good to talk about these things I find.

Gymboy, his treatment should have been exactly the same. Did you spend any time with him after he passed away? The only difference following and unexpected death or when the patient hasn't been seen by a doctor in the 24 hours prior to death is that any lines (catheters, cannulas etc) are left in place in case a post mortem is required.

Pirate get off this thread.

I am trying but people keep talking to me. If everyone stops pointing out how insensitive the post was i will stop having to apologise and explain.

unsure my DH is a doctor on an elderly care ward. He's told me the nurses he works with are lovely with patients who had passed away, talking to them & treating them with respect as if they were still alive. I'm sure they will have done the same for your mum.

When I was a junior doctor and asked to go and certify death even if I'd never met them I'd talk to them and often stroke their hair

I was shocked by your post and after thought apology

I missed the last line of the OP.