What happens to people after they die in hospital

When I've cared for people after they have died I've always as has every other nurse I've worked with has cared for the patient as if they were still alive, with care and dignity. I've held people hands as they passed so that they wouldn't be alone, I couldn't bare the thought of someone dying without someone there.
In my current job it's not something I have to do (outpatients) and I miss it, being able to give that patient the last act of kindness I can give them was always special to me.

This thread is lovely, it would definitely be good to see it moved somewhere more permanent.

As an aside, when I went to see my granddad at the funeral directors it was one of the hardest things I've done, but it was so nice to see how they treated him. They'd dressed him in the clothes we'd chosen, and when we went in, they offered to remove his wedding ring beforehand, but advised us that if we were used to seeing him wearing it, it might be better to leave it on until just before the funeral.

Then when we were ready, they said, "He's just in the room on the right, as you go in. If you need anything, we'll be just here." That touched me, I don't know why but I didn't expect them to still speak of him as though he were alive.

The nicest thing though, was our lovely funeral director phoning us that evening to see how we were, and to make sure the visit hadn't upset us too much.

Bandaging up a penis? .

mrsminiverscharlady -your last comment was very moving too. About no one should die without a hand to hold.

WandaFuca - your post has done for me.

My nana died alone. Son 1 - couldn't face going. Son 2 - was in the bath.
Me - was 100s of miles away, 9 months pregnant. Where were the hospice staff? Everyone knew she would die that day .

I've been with many as they've passed (hospice). As others have said, we always open a window, dress in clean, white sheets, and lay a flower in the middle of the body. Always done with respect.

People may find the article I'm going to link interesting. It describes how the writer's mum died at home and the writer washed and cared for her. It's very moving I think. Obviously it's a different experience from those the wonderful nurses on this thread have described but there are many similarities and it's so important to talk about this.

Link

Another nurse here who has treated people after death and agree with all that has been said-talking to the person, opening the window, RIP in the notes etc. I also remember as a student nurse the staff nurse I was with opening the book of psalms at "The Lord is my shepherd" and leaving it on the bedside table with a flower lain across the page.

This thread has made me weep quite a lot but it's been good to read how lovely and caring staff are when doing aftercare. My mum has been gone 7 years now but we were all with her in her ICU side-room when she went, and then we were asked to leave for half an hour so they could remove tubes and clean her up etc. They then let us back in to sit with her as long as we wanted to (not long - we'd already been with her all through the night).

At that stage she was still looking a bit bruised and rashy around the mouth from her ventilation tubes - but I still didn't go and see her in the funeral parlour because, even though they would have made her up and she would have looked better, I didn't need to, iyswim. I'd seen my grandparents in their coffins and I knew that, to me, they looked like waxworks of themselves - for some reason I didn't want to see my Mum that way.

Thanks

Thinking of you, squak and of course your gran. May she go in peace.

My grans dying in hosp now. Been here with her since last sat. I asked other night and nurse said they would just give her a wee clean if ahe had opened bowels but any washing would bw done in mortuary.

My grans dying in hosp now. Been here with her since last sat. I asked other night and nurse said they would just give her a wee clean if ahe had opened bowels but any washing would bw done in mortuary.

Fluffyears I just have to say,I worked in a funeral directors once, and visited the crematorium on a daily basis, I've never known them take the bodies out of coffins. They transfer the whole coffin, unopened, into the ovens, and that is through the day. They don't work overnight. I'm wondering if your cousin is winding you up a bit?
I'm a nurse and midwife also, and never bandaged a penis up!

This thread has really made me cry. My mum died I hospital after so pme really shit care.

Lovely to read about the way she would have been treated by the fabulous night staff. And opening the window. Wail. And shiver.

My grandmother was a geriatric nurse and had to lay out bodies often. She said the person deserved the same respect in death as in life. Not sure if she was having us on but she told us that when a male body was prepared they bandaged up the penis and the way the bandaging happened there was a small bow tied at the end?

The funeral process is still respectful, my cousin works in the local council and had to visit a crematorium. The bodies are burned at night. When the coffin disappears it is stored until later so the area isn't smoky during the day. The bodies are removed from the coffin prior to burning and treated with absolute respect even during the very final moments.

It is comforting to know that there are people who care enough to look after the people who mattered to someone. It may only be the shell left when someone dies but that shell is what people associate with their loved ones.

I'm also glad you started this thread, Unsureif, and I also agree with HolgerDanske that it would be good to preserve this thread somewhere.

Although I think we, as a society, are getting better at talking about death and dying, there's obviously still questions that people have about the care of their loved ones, and this thread is very reassuring and could be very helpful to others in the future.

Could I ad my thanks for this thread, especially for the HCP's who work in theatre. It's helped me with a difficult death that I thought I'd dealt with better than I had

Beautiful, beautiful thread.

My sympathies to everyone who has lost someone dear.

I would like to nominate this thread for classics as it is so wonderfully reassuring and I feel it brings into focus a side of the NHS that is little known or understood. Would that be ok with you, Unsureif?

My Mum died in a hospice, so maybe slightly different. She waited until my Dad left and then took her final breath 10 minutes later with the Chaplin holding her hand. I guess she didn't want my Dad to 'see her go'

We went back to see her a couple of hours later. She was tucked in a freshly made bed with the window open, and just looked fast asleep.

2 days later my Brother wanted to go and see her. This time she was in the Chapel of rest. She was again, in a fresh clean bed looking at peace. She was all alone, but calming music was playing quietly in the background and they had put some flowers on her chest.

I remember saying to my Dad and Brother "They are STILL looking after her, even though she's gone"

Thanks Bonkers. I don't work in the nicu anymore, after 10 years and 2 babies of my own I felt I couldn't do it anymore. I do miss certain parts of the job - the reward when a really poorly baby comes back to visit when they're older and running about is a wonderful thing