What happens to people after they die in hospital

sorry for your loss Squak. Sending very best wishes at this sad time.
P.s Loving the Kit Kat fingers on the 'NHS plates' aka paper towels. :)

Timetracker please don't pollute this gentle uplifting thread, thankyou

Pretty much what everyone else said (another NHS worker here)
I don't usually talk to patients after they've died but tend to just be quietly respectful. Patients are transferred in a concealment trolley to the mortuary & the mortuary staff very much see it as a continuation of care.
Please be reassured that the general consensus of NHS staff is to treat all patients, even after death, as if they were a member of their own family.

Yes the tea set! My Gran died last night and we had a beaautiful tea set -

1944girl

Things have changed a lot - babies don't leave the room unless the parents express that wish but I know that historically the same care wasn't given following a loss of a baby in pregnancy or shortly after.

I learnt from lovely midwives about looking after families after their babies had died but what reinforced it for me was working in gynae clinic... I always introduced myself as a midwife (because I was) and I lost count of the older ladies who immediately told me about the baby they had lost many, many years before. They knew the tiniest details of the day; the weather, the smells, the midwives and the doctors but hardly any had seen their baby because 'they didn't want to upset me because he / she wasn't normal'. This was often 30-40years down the line (they often told me how old their baby would have been) and yet they still felt that loss.

More often than not they finished with a sentence like 'I bet it's all changed now hasn't it' and I used to tell them that it had, that mums got to see their babies and cuddle them and that actually their babies would have been beautiful as never had I seen a mum say anything different. Everyone of them thought it was a wonderful change.

Not once did anyone in that age range tell me about one of their live births when I said I was midwife and it changed me as a professional for the better because women opened up like that.

So sorry Unsureif for your loss, but what a reassuring thread; to everyone .

The tea set brought back a memory from when my MIL passed, the nurses bought tea, in what was very obviously 'the best tea set', I remember thinking at the time it was all a bit odd, having tea around MIL in the bed, and it now makes me smile, that everything was just so normal after what had been such a sad time.

I thought a lot too about what happened when we had gone, it was very hard walking out the room, now I know.

These posts show nursing at its best. Those of you who work in the NHS 'front line', thank you for caring . This is a very moving thread.

This thread is so sad.

doris and captain, your posts moved me to tears.

My wee girl was stillborn, and the thought that she probably wasn't alone much is a comfort. I hated the idea of her being cold and lonely, and since I didn't do what I could/should have for her, it's good to know a midwife might have.

My friend is an ITU nurse and always talks to the patients who've died just as she did when they were alive. She says they may still be around in the room...who're we to assume "that's it" just because their body is no longer working.

She has a chat to them and lets them know what she's doing and that how nice it will be to be at peace now and to move on to the next thing...whatever that is.

She admits it's partly to help herself and partly for the patient.

I'm a burse working with the elderly so sadly lots of deaths. We wash and change them and I ways continue to talk to them. The family can take as long as they want to say goodbye and the curtains are closed for privacy. If the death is expected then we try to move the patient to a side room for more privacy. They are then wrapped in clean sheets and taken to the mortuary in a covered trolley (similar to the ones live patients are transferred on but with a cover).

Ah feck it, crying here. God but this thread is wonderful, so tender and uplifting.

I can remember the names of people I've been with at the end of their lives from over 20 years ago, it is indeed a privilege.

Deepthought It's been said many times on this thread but it really is a privilege, it's the very last care and love we can give to them. Looking after the family is just as important and we endeavour to make it as easy a time as possible, there are no second chances as that experience will stay with the family forever.

It's just a little way of providing comfort to people at potentially the worst time of their life. Any good nurse knows that little things matter.

Oh Breeze you've hit on something my granddad told us. He was in a medically induced coma for 24 hours, on a ventilator etc. He said, a few days later, that during that 24 hours, he'd dreamt our recently passed golden retriever had come up to him, and nudged him, trying to get him to follow.

My granddad told him "get lost, I'm not coming with you yet!"

My gran has also been with people as they were dying (she's a retired nurse) and said they'd pointed out people to her that only they could see.

Another nurse here. Will confirm what the other nurses say because it will reassure those who have lost relatives and friends. We always treat patients who have died with respect, wash them, talking all the time, sometimes shedding a tear or more because we too get very close to patients and feel so sad when they have passed.

I always remember being taught from a more senior nurse that every patient has a parent, brother or sister, child etc and to remember that they could be your parent, brother, son etc. This puts it all into perspective. Another senior nurse who saw many, many patients die took a spiritual approach saying that more often than not, her patients saw their old pets or dead relatives before they died and she insisted that the window was opened after they died to let the spirit pass. She also used to say that some patients seemed to wait for relatives to arrive before they died and others waited until they left, which always seemed to totally fit into their characters and personalities.

for you OP

Alex (see my post way upthread) yes we were given tea in nice china. It was such a thoughtful touch. Can I say Thank you, one stranger to another, one bereaved relative to a HCP, thank you so much.

I spent ages choosing a 'good tea set' for my ward when I took over as Ward Manager.

I've shed a tear arriving at work and going to make a brew in the kitchen on my way in, seeing it on the draining board as I know what's happened overnight.

Did anybody else's ward have the 'good tea set' that was kept for using for bereaved relatives? It was a comforting little ritual setting it all up, you can't do much to make that time better but a cup of tea is such an instinctive thing to provide.
It was just a small touch, but so much nicer than individual hospital standard mugs.

Oh yes, I will always try to put a flower in the casket.

Which involves some surreptitious pinching of one flower from a bunch on someone's bedside locker at times.

I'm a midwife. After a baby has been stillborn there's various things we do.

Normally fairly soon after the baby is born we take photos, hand prints, foot prints, hair clipping. All with permission from the parents or it won't be done. We'd normally dress the baby, including a nappy.

The baby will stay with the parents for as long as they want. Once they're ready to say goodbye then we take the baby to an empty room or treatment room. We have a special wooden casket ready. The baby is wrapped and gently placed in the casket. I will pad the casket out with rolled up towels.

Everyone I know talks to the babies during all of the above.

I've certainly stayed late after a shift has finished, sometimes for hours so it can be me who gets the baby into the casket rather than a midwife who hasn't got to know the parents. Saying goodbye is so hard.

A porter will normally take the baby to the mortuary. I've done it once when the parents asked me to.

Oh this makes me remember a lovely lady I looked after. She had breast cancer which had metastasised to her brain. She'd come to a and e a few times with fits and I'd nursed her and met her husband. On the day she died, I just happened to be working an extra shift on the admission unit. I sat with her and her husband as she died and then we laid her out together. Unorthodox but he'd been her carer for so long, it felt right. He used to come and visit me years later. Bless him.