What happens to people after they die in hospital

I've often wondered if someone has control over their death.

Some people seem to hang on for ages, then all of the family will visit, and they slip away once goodbyes have been said with their loved ones beside them.

Others have seemed to wait until their family have left. Some seem to need permission to die - to be told it's ok to go, we will love you and remember you forever.

So please don't feel sad if your loved one passed away with no-one there. I've often thought it was a choice, almost to not want to be watched as they leave this world.

WandaF - I really appreciate your post but while the staff were lovely when caring for her, and speaking to me on the phone during her last days, they were not with her when she died. She died alone and that makes me so sad. No one sat with her as she left us and that is just incomprehensible.

You don't want to know Irn, just be glad it was deleted.

Just back to this thread, and it is lovely to see all the other nurses repeating the same experiences.

1944girl what lovely women/neighbours your gran and great-gran were. It's a shame that communities like that don't seem to exist any more.
OP I'm glad this thread has helped you, I'm sure your Mum looked beautiful in her best dress.

Most nurses are compassionate and will talked to the deceased as they are being washed and dressed, hair combed/brushed, etc.
Sorry for your loss OP.

What on earth did PirateJones say that was offensive?

Yes this is a wonderful thread. I have been living with breast cancer and metastases for a long time and have always been a little fearful of what will happen to me after my death. How will I be treated.
My Mum had a full term stillborn baby girl a year before she had me. We, my sister and brother, had no idea, our parents had never mentioned this before my Mum suddenly told us out of the blue. The baby had been taken away, she never saw her but had been told by my Gran the baby looked beautiful. The baby was buried in a quiet part of the local cemetery that had been kept especially for babies at that time. There were no headstones. I was able to locate the exact spot after contacting the council and Mum and I visited. She was comforted it wasn't a dark forgotten corner but a bright and sunny spot. She had never asked where her baby was buried. It was just 2 weeks after this Mum was diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer, she died just a week after diagnosis.

A lovely thread, thanks to all the caring nurses. I had no experience of death until my Dad died at home after a long illness and I was able to assist the Marie Curie nurse with the 'last offices', it was a good experience. She washed him whilst I picked his clothes, when he was dressed and had his teeth back in, she placed his hands the way he always held them - she'd noticed his mannerisms from visiting for a number of months. He looked lovely, after being in pyjamas for weeks, he looked as if he was about to go out somewhere.
It's a shame that we don't get involved with the dying these days. Years ago, before the NHS there would be a woman in every street who would come into houses to lay out the dead.

What a wonderful thread - I'm in tears.

Peace to all those who have lost loved ones

I've reported it for classics too. Such a lot of comfort on here. to you all

Have done. You just click report and then fill in the box with your reasons.

Please do, exit. I wanted to nominate it for classics but didn't know the procedure. I agree it's a wonderful thread.

I think I'll report this thread to see if it can be moved out of chat so that it won't disappear. So much comforting information.

Araminta I don't know specifically but I do know that my dad has been a psychiatrist for 30 years & has the utmost respect for the care the psychiatric nurses give to their patients. I am sure that includes in death too.

Lovely thread, thanks OP and love to you at this tough, emotional time.

In case it helps anyone, my friend (not on mn) is a pathologist's assistant and she loves her job. She took the career choice when she had a stillborn baby and found such solace from spending lots of time with her baby before passsing him over. She takes immense pride in mothering all the babies who come to the pathologist and treating them with the upmost care and tenderness. So even when loved ones bodies need medical examination, they are still treated with care and respect xx

Thank you for this thread
Sorry for every ones losses

Itsfab - I hope you can take comfort from this thread that your nana didn't die alone. Of course you couldn't travel hundreds of miles at 9 months pregnant. Although she was surrounded by what seems to you as "strangers", she was being cared for by respectful and caring individuals who took her under their wings, so to speak, and gave her the same comfort as you would have done if it had been possible for you to be there.

My beloved grandma is dying of cancer. Her carers and the Macmillan nurses are treating her with such care and dignity. This thread has given me some comfort in knowing she will continue to receive that even as she passes over.

This thread makes me so proud to be a nurse :)

It depends if it was a sudden death or an expected death unfortunatly.

If it was expected then, like everyone has said, the body is laid out, so tubes and wires removed, last bath is done, clean hospital gown and sheet and they are wrapped to take to the morgue.

If it was a sudden death then the body can not be washed if a coronor has to see the body. The tubes and wires are left in situ but the body is washed at a later date.

No matter the circumstances everyone is quiet and resepctful. I laid out many bodies when working for the NHS and care homes 10 years or so ago and we always, always treated them how we would want our relatives to be treated.