ridiculous topics for marital rows

We must be an odd couple, DH and I never ever row over flat packs, in fact I think its only the only time we are best friends.

These are making me laugh hard!

DH is from East London. If he can't see something within half a second it's lost and he starts to panic. I end up ranting.

His pronunciation makes me giggle. I have no idea if I am going to Malta or Morta. Could be a building site.

He cannot work the telly. I tell him and show him and write it down... And he cannot work it.

Last night he called me at work to ask. Cue me ranting down the phone at him. Every time I spoke a syllable he cut me off to rant.. It's not working... Then 3 seconds later. Oh it is!!!

Arse. That was supposed to be on the autism awareness thread.

chuck I'd say both of you were right, and both of you were wrong. I find best coverage is achieved by going up-and-down, side-to-side and finish off with crissy-crossy.

Too late now for smug marital guidance though.

You may chuck the paint tin over me

Lots of autistic people don't like being called a person with autism because they feel that being autistic is so intrinsically part of who they are. It's a different way of processing with lots of positives. They don't want to separate themselves from what makes them who they are as if it's something to be ashamed of.

DH and I had a humdinger about whether Snape's treatment of Harry was justified.

We shouted at each other to the once-in-a-lifetime tourist attraction, ignored each other all the way round it, fought some more in the car, made up and had to sneak back in because we couldn't afford to pay twice.

I daren't tell him that perhaps I now agree Harry was indeed a bit of a cocky wee shite. It's taken me 13 years to come to that conclusion though.

We rarely fight. We bicker constantly though.
Our biggest fight ever is over toast. He cuts the DCs toast into squares and I do triangles. This is because DD won't eat the crusts to it's easier for her to eat (and I don't have to clean as much jam/butter of her face)

My triangle cutting toast ways are indulgent and will result in our kids being verruca salt type children. His square ways are a form of military rule and he is a despot.

Once had a row with stbxh about the correct way to paint a door - I said up & down (obviously) he said side to side. It went on for days dickhead

We've had a few IKEA "near misses". We now tend to " joke " (through gritted teeth) about the fact that people split up/murder their partners when assembling IKEA furniture, but there is always a slight sense of "who knows" bubbling under. Plus we have an established routine which seems to work - I take instructions and sort parts, DH brings the tools and the brawn and mostly these days it passes without too much shouting strangling each other.

I love this thread; it's making me feel very much more normal.

We have fancy-dress-making rage and baggage-reclaim-hall rage. Both much easier to manage now we recognise them as completely unreasonable flash points.

I hesitated in saying 'yes' when he asked if I'd give him a kidney if he ever needed it. Who'd have thought a nano-second pause could cause WW3?

We squabble but rarely fight - the last shouting/screaming fight was over our new bathroom. He suddently decided I should choose the suite and tiles etc when I had no desire, inclination to do so on my own but he was adamant. To this day, I still don't know why we couldn't just look/choose together as we do with anything else in the house.

We had an ALMIGHTY row in Ikea about 15 years ago about whether to try for a baby

Dishwashers do cause battles.

In our house the smuggery of "Well where did you leave it lying around?" when an item is missing is another red rag.

YY to IKEA
We once had a row about the necessity of drawer organisers in ikea. I bought them anyway and we've used them ever since [vindicated emoticon]

One baked bean left in the sink after washing and clearing up sparked fury on an unprecedented scale... I left the bean by accident, DH went apeshit, I went more apeshit about the fact he felt it was necessary to go apeshit and really needed to maintain some sense of perspective.

Getting tetchy just thinking back to it...

Some of these are great by the way

I accused dh of cheating with the bride at the wedding g he was best man at!?
Then the bridesmaid ....
I was 9 months pregnant ...

Will you marry me, Tigga? (I think I may have proposed before actually).

Massive row over what we would spend a lottery won on. Massive. I cried.

These are so funny, I can't think of one of ours now, but the legendary one in our family is when DSis and BIL bought a tent. Put it up, took DN2 camping overnight locally for a trial run.

After a night of very little sleep, had to get large tent back into impossibly small bag. Three HOURS later, and lots of swearing, name calling and tears, no one was talking in anyone but they finally managed it, got back in to car to come home. BIL turns to DSis and says

"where are the car keys?"

Answer: In the little zip pocket thingy inside the tent.

They never used it again.

2002 that film came out - 1 argument - 12 years.

Tesco Finest peas vs. ordinary Tesco peas.

I argue we're on a budget so deal with having normal peas (I wasn't even forcing the Value stuff). He argues that he can totally taste the difference and doesn't like any other peas but Tesco Finest.

Panic Room.

Stupid film looked shit, it was shit and Jodie Foster irritates me. I would never have suggested we go and see it. Ever.

DP insists I was the one who chose it.

I fucking did not, and every time he wants to wind me up he brings it up

DH and I rarely fight, preferring to ignore each other for a couple of hours and then forgetting about it. However, when I'm pregnant all bets are off.

First pregnancy I said I wasn't very hungry at about six months or so, so he brought me home a Weight Watchers ready meal for dinner. At which point I screamed I wasn't fat, I was pregnant and threw it at his head and didn't speak to him for two days.

Second pregnancy he left the hoover out in the middle of the living room. He never puts the hoover away. I always have to do it. This is because he thinks I don't hoover enough. So this time, I threw it away.

Once he told me that a friend of his had told him that belly dancing was great exercise for slightly older women and did I want to try it? I was thirty at the time. THIRTY.

Last row was after receiving junk mail that had been forwarded to us from our old address via Royal Mail.

Thinking that if I just chuck/recycle it the firms will keep bombarding our successors long after the forwarding arrangements stop, I thought I'd carefully write 'Gone Away' or 'No Longer At This Address' and add the Return To Sender address. DH thought that would clog the mail and just make more work for posties.

Next day I wondered aloud where the stack of junk mail had gone. DH had put it all in the recycling bin for that morning collection. He was pleased with his efficiency and probably perfectly sensible but I was fairly dancing.

(PS DH isn't foreign but will say, "Hard luck" when commiserating with someone but when I overhear him use that expression to my ears it sounds slightly sarky).

I said I wouldn't want to live in the poshest part of town because it was too quiet and lacked a community feel...We are not, and will probably never be, in a position to move to this area

wearingpurple I had a similar row with an ex-boyfriend about Rolls Royces.

I said I didn't like the look of them and would never buy one if I had the money. He said I would. I said I wouldn't and that I'd buy the first one on this list, though now I come to think of it I'd like the Mercedes too.

He said the Rolls was the pinnacle of car engineering and that I should buy it. I said that wasn't what I was saying and even if the alternative meant being regularly stranded at the side of the road waiting for the AA I still wouldn't want one.

It got very heated. I drove a Mini at the time and he'd been banned for drink-driving but had previously driven an Escort XR3.

Also with the English idioms. A forrin boyfriend worked in a shop and couldn't understand why female customers got huffy when he called them 'lady'. He thought it was the same as 'Madam'.