Tell me about the most jaw dropping OMG moment you've ever witnessed...

F U c k

Ejaculation autocorrect duck off!!

On the bus about 2pm going into town one very busy Saturday afternoon. I was about fifteen years old. A man was having a wank at the side of St. Martins church. Suddenly he emasculated. I was so shocks as I was a naïve girl and ha never seen anything so stomach churning. Loads of chum too. Masses of it. Bare bottom showing.

.

If I was a bloke with a knob that big I'd be pissed by 5 o' clock too. I once met a bloke who told me that his cock was so big that he could only have sex with aged prostitutes. It can't be a happy existence :(

When I was about fifteen, walking home from school, I heard a really loud 'creak' behind me. I turned round and scurried backwards as a full grown beech tree slowly but inexorably crashed to the ground a few feet behind me. The twigs of its branches were over the place I'd been when I first became aware and started to run.

It wasn't even particularly windy. Beech trees are apparently prone to something called 'Sudden Branch Drop'.

Strangely enough, I don't walk under trees if there's anything more than a light breeze!

'A bottle of domestos with a sheeps heart on the end'

I was stopped at the lights in rush hour traffic. I could see a bloke in his 50's staggering around on the pavement, obviously pissed out of his head. He looked a bit like a scruffy version of Art Garfunkel. Anyway, he stopped walking, stood for a while, then dropped his pants and started pissing like a race horse in full view of everyone. The thing that shocked everyone watching was the size of his knob. It resembled a bottle of Domestos with a sheeps heart on the end. It was ridiculous. The filthy pig then staggered around, trying to pull his pants back up.

Waiting on the platform at Embankment tube station several years ago, a train came for a destination I didn't want, so I waited away from the doors. Lady with one child in a pushchair and another in a fabric sling on her back came hurrying up and got on the train when the doors had started to close. It was obvious the door was going to close on the baby In the sling, and another lady on the platform and I screamed and flung ourselves at the train, she to push the woman forwards and me to block the door closing. All we got was abuse for pushing her !

BAAAHAHAHAHAAAA at big guy telling off his naughty car, Puzzled!

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Aoifebelle these two ladies get around...

Gary Rhodes, on the other hand, is an awful cunt for the olive oil. And so's Jamie Oliver.

Somebody mention James Martin?

Stayed in a friend's "ecohome" in the USA years ago. We'd already had endless trouble with the loo in our ensuite, so when OH needed a pee at 2am, rather than disturb our friends again, he hung it over the sink. Turned out the water from sinks went into some sort of holding tank which had to be examined daily; our friend's face was a picture when he tested it with his ph meter or whatever it was

On the same holiday, OH gently pipped the horn at a guy who'd cut us up. Brakes screamed as he swerved, halted and clambered out ... and oh god, he was MASSIVE ... what now, oh god is he going to shoot us, we thought. He then started to harangue his (otherwise empty) car, waving arms the lot, apparently for having behaved as it did. At no point did he even look at us and, having completed his rant and kicked a tyre just to show it, he clambered back in and drove off. I still can't quite believe we saw it ...

James Martin. He's an awful cunt for the butter as well.

On holiday abroad with my parents many, many moons ago. We saw a car parked in the middle of two others who had left barely inches each end.

The driver went backwards and forwards literally bumping the other two out of the way until he had enough room to get out. We all just stood there looking like this .

One of those seminal family bonding moments

She is an awful cunt for the butter

but she is an awful cunt for the butter

I'm PRAYING for an opportunity to use that myself.

Of course I did.
The dad was a convict ed murderer though and there was a Big dog so I was diplomatic
They did ok in the end though, it's weird but sometimes people just don't have a clue until it's pointed out.

Ledkr - please tell me you read them the riot act!

What did you say Ledkr?

I once got into the lift to get up to the platform for the DLR with my Mum (who is arthritic and couldn't manage the stairs). There was a young, pretty, well dressed girl in her 20s in there - smoking a crack pipe. Her eyes were watering and there was pee all over the floor. Horrid.

A house full of pre schoolers all playing a violent 18 ps game while parents sat and drank tea.
Made slightly more jaw dropping by the fact I was their cp social worker and was there on an announced visit

Sister and I in the queue at the general post office in dublin. Two older well to do ladies in front of us, crisp D4 accents, hair clearly professionally blow dried at least three times a week, clearly not short of a bob or two. One says to the other "Did you see Darina last night?" (Darina allen being the irish equivalent of delia.)
The other says "yes yes, I was in Ballymaloo last year (Darinas cooking school for the well wedged). "I do love her stuff, but she is an awful cunt for the butter"

Literally shat myself laughing.