Tell me about the most jaw dropping OMG moment you've ever witnessed...

The man in a hospital gown...open at the back...running for the bus in Camberwell.

It was as if he'd just leaped off the operating table! He was naked but for the gown...and the bus was one of the old ones, open backed...and on he leaped as the bus trundled off.

Garlic that is just, well, um just wrong. Eww. Etc....

When I was doing my Access course there was one guy on it who was a little bit eccentric. During one lesson I'll never forget he sat there and farted all the way through it, we are talking the really loud gut busting types and with each one he lifted his arse cheek off the chair. He made no attempt to hide it or apologise and nome of us knew where to look. In the end the tutor had to ask him to leave the class as it was distracting everyone.

Garlic..you win!!!!

Once upon a time, long, long ago ... in Middlesbrough. (I have to give the location, so Boro' readers know what I'm on about.) We used to go drinking 'over the border', as the booze was a lot cheaper. So were the prostitutes. One of them, a right character of very advanced years, was a regular in our favourite bar. She used to perform impromptu cabarets (drunk & badly) standing on one of the tables. The first time we met her, she offered my boyfriend 'a go' for £6. Then she noticed me right next to him, apologised, and became my best mate. She said she'd show me something special if I bought her a drink, so I did. She hoiked one leg up on the table, shifted her skirt - she wasn't wearing knickers - and invited me to inspect the cascade of polyps blossoming from her vagina. Each one was a different colour - as she explained, she painted them with nail varnish.

Rofl at "he even opened the bag"! :o

Shagging a frozen turkey can't be very comfortable!

Some guy chased us up the high street absolutely convinced DH was Jesus (he does have long hair and a beard). Like, utterly convinced. Not taking the piss. We had to leg it and seek refuge in Starbucks.

PMSL @ joanne

I was once shopping in tescos, walked down the frozen Isle and there was a man with his jeans pulled down shagging a frozen turkey, he even opened the bag. I walked back the way I came a went to seek a member of staff, a few moments later I saw the bloke being dragged away by security he was shouting "Joanne, Joanne I was only doing Joanne!" I always wondered what Joanne looked like having been mistaken for a frozen turkey!

I really can't! I was just going for the bus ..in broad daylight. He came running at me from nowhere shouting " gobble gobble gobble! I'm a christmas turkey!" I ran like the wind and when I got to the bus stop he ran off.

In an expensive, romantic restaurant on valentines day with DH, a group of pissed people were effing and blinding at the next table, at the top of their voices. One of them proceeded to fall down a flight of stairs and then vomit all over the floor. They had only just arrived and hadn't ordered food yet. The manager did nothing, they were allowed to stay for their meal. DH wrote a scathing review on trip advisor!

How do we nominate this thread for classics?

I was at Longleat safari park with my family for the day and Dad was driving through the rhino enclosure. Before you enter there are big warning signs about keeping your windows closed and not getting out of the car. Except in the car in front of us there was a young teen sitting with his bum hanging out of the window and holding onto the roof rack, dukes of hazzard style, while it meandered around the enclosure.

We were . The driver didn't seem to attempt to stop the car and haul the kid in, he just kept driving, presumably enjoying the rhinos. It was some time before a ranger caught up with them and got the kid to sit inside the car.

Wait.....can you explain the turkey man story?!

So many..
A man dressed as a turkey chased me up the high street saying Gobble gobble gobble
A woman walking down the street with a chameleon on her head
A woman on a bus eating a mars bar..but instead of swallowing each bite she spat it into a tissue
Only yesterday, saw a woman walking through town with normal clothes on but a sash and Statue of Liberty headress on and the torch in her hand

Some hilarious ones here!

Not really gobsmacking, but it was quite entertaining.

Years ago I did a favour for a friend who was the organiser of a national amateur body building competition. She needed someone to be the judges' statistician (basically collate the marks and derive the final score for each competitor). One woman who was the wife of one of the competitors, who had done particularly badly in his round, stormed up to the judges' table, blind drunk, and started effing and blinding at us - we were all a load of fucking cocksuckers, etc etc. She eventually got dragged off by security. The bit that particularly amused me about the whole thing was that the row of seemingly very butch and very hard bodybuilders who had been sitting in the row behind me and flirting with me, scarpered as soon as she kicked off, only to return as soon as she had been dragged off, full of bravado about how they had all been, literally, on the brink of coming to my aid...

(This may well out me...)

*nonchalantly washing her car.

A woman double parked on a busy road which is on a bus route, n

The other day I was sitting at the back of a busy bus. A middle-aged woman with a pram got on and put the pram in the empty buggy space - fine. But then she asked the elderly man on crutches to move out of the priority seat so she could sit with the pram. He struggled all the way to the back of the bus! I couldn't work out why she didn't stand with the pram as there was plenty of standing room or, if she was unable to stand, why she didn't ask one of the many other seated people who DIDN'T have crutches. I can't believe he moved and that no one nearer the front offered him a seat. I did wonder at the time what MN would make of it!

A colleague was shot by her stalker ex boyfriend. Horrific :(

My OMG eyeball bleach moment was glancing out of my upstairs window once a few years ago only to see my elderly next door neighbour hanging out washing in his back garden stark naked wearing only a pink wig and high heels.

I could never look him in the eye again if I bumped into him on the street.

Early days of my relationship with DP, we were lazing around at his flat at the weekend and I went into the toilet and saw the basin filling up with blood! Called DP and we freaked out, looked around and found the kitchen sink was doing the same.

It was the most bizarre few minutes - I was thinking "This is like I am REALLY in a horror film! But that can't be right so it must be a dream! If I look again it will have gone. NOOOO it's still there! SHIIIIIT!" Part of me was also also imagining that one of DP's flatmates or possibly even DP himself must have done and concealed a terrible murder. Then, gradually, the sinks gurgled and the level began to go down again.

Then DP remembered he had put his new, bright red (I know) and frankly el cheapo bedding in the washing machine. Something had gone wrong with the drainage and the outgoing bright red water had backflowed into the sinks.

Even after we worked out what it was, it still looked exactly like blood!

Bizarre flight back from Italy: a British woman with several children got in the plane, all talking very loudly about their holiday and his sorry they were to be going home.

Woman grabs the stewardess after the safety briefing and asks why it didn't explain how to use a parachute. The stewardess patiently explains that there are no parachutes in commercial flights. The woman started yelling and howling about how shut the airline was and how everyone would die as a result. She kept this up until mid - france and was absolutely adamant that she had had a parachute on the flight over which was with a 'better quality airline'!!

A funny one. Christmas shopping in the Toon with ds and dd. Large sports bar, big group of blokes "gannin ta t'match" in fancy dress as country squires, tweed and plus fours stood outside.A bloke comes up the road, they all fall about laughing, he's wearing (skin colour) undies, boots and a mankini. Stops dead and just goes " you bastards, you utter bastards" obviously been told an incorrect theme. Everyone just cracked up.