Tell me about the most jaw dropping OMG moment you've ever witnessed...

Last year at a theme park in Devon. Two women had a full on fisty cuffs fight in the queue for the log flume!

Turns out they didn't know each other but one woman had taken a photo of other woman's 'bloke'.

I was literally stood with my mouth hanging open. There were kids crying and they were rolling round the floor.

Luckily an off duty policeman got stuck in and separated them.

There's nowt more queer than folk.

A few years ago I went to the loo in a bar, there was no one else in the outside bit of toilet but somebody was banging on the door of a cubicle like they were locked in.
Using a coin, I undid the door and pushed it open, there was a guy standing there with his pants round his ankles pissed out of his brain covered in vomit and he had shit and pissed himself! He made a lunge towards me to her out of the cubicle but forgetting his trousers were around his ankles fell straight on his face.

It was so disgusting I ran out and told the bar staff, his mates had also left him too it.

My most surreal London moment was on the central line - coming back from a meeting at about 3pm and heading into Bank. A man in a full gimp outfit came onto nearly empty carriage with the ball in his mouth, face covered in a mask. Just stood next to me, while I sat in my city work stuff, mid afternoon.

Reminds me of the guy in this picture.

Love the way none of the other passengers are even bothering to look at him.

Watching the London marathon a few years ago. At the red start, amongst all the fairies, rhinos, clowns etc ran a man wearing nothing but a pair of trainers, some body paint, a leopard skin thong and a tail.

Sitting in the back of a taxi-minibus in southern Cyprus. Driver is driving like a maniac weaving in and out of small children playing on a village street.

A chorus of anguished voices in English and Greek screaming 'Be careful - children are playing!'
Taxi driver - "It all right, they not my children."

20 minutes ago. Teenage girl in M74 service station in pjs, slippers and a fluffy dressing gown.

Not really OMG but toe-curlingly embarrassing.

I was on the mats at the gym, stretching, and found myself watching a middle aged man on some other mats. He was doing the weirdest pelvic circling and hip thrusting routine I'd ever seen in front of the mirror.

I caught the eye of the lady next to me and we both looked at the man and smiled. I whispered to her "if that's what he does in public imagine what he does in the privacy of his own home!"

The smile fell from her face and she said in a quiet, hurt voice "that's my husband."

My Saturday job as a teen was in Greggs. I think it was the Easter holidays as I was in on a week day. One regular customer had special needs and usually came in with his elderly mother. But this day he had a list. So I was serving him when he turned round to the line of postmen standing waiting to be served (the delivery office was up the road and my dad was manager), and grabs the poor blokes ears and starts telling him how cute they are. Poor postie has a bright red face and doesn't know what to do. I tell Ronnie to leave the man alone and stop touching his ears. "But Groovee, they're so cute and I want to touch them!" Is the reply. I explain that he can't just walk up to people and touch them as it's invading their personal space. He accepts what I am saying with a glum look, pays and heads off.

Off course the posties are taking great delight in slagging off their colleague! My dad asks me later on what happened and does his usual. He walked up to the poor postie and touched his ears the way I said Ronnie had .

Another postie found out who my dad was when I asked a postie I knew to deliver a cake to my dad as a wee treat. Had known the guy for years as a child. The other postie hassles him all the way up the road as to who my dad is and his face is a picture. He keeps telling everyone the next day. So fast forward about 6 months. Postie comes in on 1st April and asks what I had told my dad. Had no idea but did point out the date to him. Turns out my dad hauled him up over the fact the manager of greggs has given me your description and the fact that you trashed the cakes the day before because it was minestrone soup! I didn't speak to my dad for days for that one!

I used to work as a pensions administrator and ran an AVC scheme for a massive supermarket chain.

I took a call from a worried checkout cashier, who told me she'd been caught taking money out the till that morning and had been dismissed. She was extremely concerned that the supermarket chain would reimburse themselves from her pension fund, I was gobsmacked and didn't know how to handle the call.... I think I transferred her to my manager.

Oh I have another one. When I was 9 I was lucky enough to go on a family holiday to Florida. On the flight over there was a bomb scare. Someone had left a mobile phone at the back of the plane and they were very concerned that it was a bomb. They took all our blankets and pillows to put around it to try and contain the blast if it went off.

The plane was redirected to Boston and we were met by a fleet of fire engines and ambulances. It was very frightening and my poor mum , who was not very mentally well anyway, was physically sick for most of the holiday from the stress.

I remember everyone on the plane telling each other they loved each other and the stewardesses repeatedly going through the safety demonstrations so we would all be prepared.

Years ago we were having a drink after work. A rather elderly and portly lady creaked down the stairs in a raincoat, carrying and old 1980s style ghetto blaster and walked slowly to the table next to us. Yup, she was a stripogram (or rather stripogran). It was just so sad. She pulled off the coar and had fishnet stockings, french knickers, cami top - the whole shebang.

The whole place just stopped and gawped. Everyone found fascinating spots on the carpet.

The worst was once she had done her sexy dance she pulled on her coat and made the slowest exit, huffing and puffing back up the stairs, pausing to sigh/deep breathe/cough as she went.

Walking down down the Main Street in hackney and what do I see but a woman lift the back of her dress up exposing her naked bum, no knickers, and out pours a great long stream of wee, she finishes and walks off.

Another one, there used to be an elderly man who used to walk around the North London area : finsbury park, stoke newington etc wearing a white wedding dress and veil - and a long white beard!

Oh another one, driving through town and two blokes in money suits are running down the high street pretty much bashing everyone out the way (it was early evening) one was shouting "ooh ooh i black monkey" the other shouting "ooh ooh i white monkey" absolutely pissing themselves laughing then ran off down towards the sea front i looked everywhere thinking I'd see cameras for a hidden camera show but i didn't see any.

A lady walking along the street, messy hair, mis matched outfit with literally RED circles drawn on her cheeks like clowns do and blue eye shadow up to her eyebrows pulling along one of them shopping things and holding an empty asda carrier bag. Suddenly just stopped, pulled up her skirt, weed in the bag then carried on walking with a piss filled Asda bag!

A bloke in the local Tesco express clearly stealing stuff, stuffed two cheeses down his trousers and then grabbed a bag of maltesers and put them in the front of his jacket (had pockets on the front) right in front of the manager, clearly a manager to with the stripey shirt and huge name badge. She confronts him and says she knows he is stealing and she'll call the police he just goes, "fine i don't like it in here anyway!!" throws all the stuff on the floor next to bemused manager then fucks off running out the shop. :S

I'm sure I have more, there's always weird stuff happening in this town!

Seeing a woman doing a poo at the big roundabout at Elephant & Castle, 7am on Christmas Day, 2006.

I was about 39 weeks pregnant and my brothers band were playing in a pub local to my house.

DH & I walked there up the hill and I sat down while he got us a drink. I'm
not opposed to the occasional glass of wine in pregnancy but I was thirsty and having apple juice.

The woman on the table next to us was about 60 and kept making comments, muttering to herself. Like 'shouldn't be here', 'drinking drinking' and even an 'I might have to perform surgery'

My DH thought it was hilarious until we decided to leave about half ten and she walked all the way down the hill behind us muttering.

I was pretty terrified at the time!

There is a. Like who walks his pot bellied pig near where my friend lives. First time I saw them I giggled all the way to hers.

Just remembered a weird one.

I was on a plane coming back from Cyprus about 20 years ago. The plane was delayed taking off and everyone was tense and grumpy. The man sat next to me was particularly grumpy and a bit agitated (I was sat in the aisle seat, he was next to me in the middle seat) but I thought nothing of it. He was about 25, huge big bloke, looked really tough.

As the plane eventually took off he started whimpering and pushing the seat in front of him with his hands, then finally shouting and screaming "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE! WE'RE GOING TO CRASH AND DIE IN A FIREBALL! FUCKING HELL, FUCKING HELL, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

He was absolutely terrified. I had no idea what to do, but he was staring at me in utter panic with tears streaming down his face. So I held out my hand and he took it. We sat there for about 5 minutes, total strangers with him screaming away and sobbing.

When it became clear we were safely airborne, he calmed down and said "sorry about that" and was absolutely calm the rest of the flight.

I was wandering around the local animal park (now long closed) when I saw a young chimpanzee sneaking through a window and walking down the path. I heard the Keeper shout "Oi you, get back in here" to which the chimp duly turned around and went back in.

Oh I just remembered another one, which is much funnier than my last one....

Years back when dh and I had just met I had an old VW Beetle. Dh at the time had long hair, which is blonde. We had been on a night out and I was driving home and dh in passenger seat. We stopped at lights and this car pulls up with two blokes inside. Driver winds down window and shouts, "fancy a shag ladies". To which DH turns and glares out the window at them. Only then did the bloke realize dh was in fact a he not a she, they just sped off on the red light. I laugh about this all the time

When I was a student, I worked part time in a large shop. There was a young woman (20 ish) who started at the same time as me. She must have been clean and presentable at the interview, but she seemed to have stopped washing after her first day. She had greasy hair hanging in strings around her face, always had smelly grubby uniform, and you'd see her write on the back of her hand and it would still be there days later. She also had horrendous acne around her hairline, which I know usually isn't linked to cleanliness, but in her case, I'd presume it was caused by her lack of hair/skin washing.

I was sitting in the staff room, reading a paper and eating my lunch when I happened to glance over at her. She was distractedly, whilst also reading, prodding a spot on her forehead. As she kneaded at it (and I watched in horror), it popped onto her fingers. She gave it a good squeeze to get some more out. She then examined her fingers, then licked the pus off them.

I nearly threw up. I told one of my colleagues what had happened in absolute disgust, and he told the manager, who sacked her that same day. She'd already had written warnings for lack of cleanliness, so it was a 'final straw' incident. I felt pretty bad, because something was obviously not right with her, but it was vile.

Just yesterday I popped to the shops, this supermarket has a queuing system where there is one line for everyone to queue in and then the open till will call you. So we are all standing in the queue and all the way along is the shelf laden with chocolates and sweets (you get the idea). This couple were in front of me, the man was ahead and she was lingering looking at the slabs of chocolates. At the top of his voice he shouts at her "put that chocolate down, you are not having it so just stop it" . Ah man I felt so bad for that women.

Ooo, just thought of another one. A car stopped at the junction of Cricklewood Broadway while the lights were red: windows were open and loud shouting coming from within. Suddenly the driver flung his door open, jumped out, ran to the back door on his side, flung it open, yanked the guy sitting there towards him, punched him smartly in the face 3 times, slammed the door shut, jumped back into the driving seat and drove off!

And a plane one...
poo picking in my paddock on a gorgeous summer afternoon. A spitfire appears overhead and starts enjoying itself, dipping in and out of the clouds, rolling, turning and putting on a great display complete with that fabulous Merlin engine roar that spitfire make.
suddenly, the plane cuts it's engines and goes into a real fast dive, drops behind the tree lined and completely disappears.
Was going too fast and too sleep to land, there's no engine sounds, no crash or explosion, he just dips out of sight and doesn't reappear! I was rather there was nobody else there to discuss it either. to this day I have no idea where he went!

In Florida on honeymoon. Staying in a relative's holiday house in a residential beach town. Neighbours come over to say hi and we go over to their house for a drink. Lovely middle aged couple, having a lovely chat. I ask whether they are originally from the town and the wife replies that they are from Connecticut and moved there a few years ago. Husband adds "yes we love it down here because there are no blacks"
We made our excuses and left and avoided them for the rest of the holiday but I have always been annoyed that I didn't say anything :(