Tell me about the most jaw dropping OMG moment you've ever witnessed...

One day a few years ago I was at Crown Court, quietly taking notes in a fairly dull case for our barrister, when the defendant leapt out of the box and tried to leg it out of the court room. Unluckily for him I'm about 5'9 and the court seats are really uncomfortable for the long-legged so as I was in the end seat, I was sitting with my legs out to the side and he fell over my feet which were sticking out into the aisle and was stopped (and arrested).

The sentence he subsequently got for attempting to abscond was more severe than the one he received for the original offence, the daft nugget.

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Just remembered one, a few years ago on a Saturday afternoon there was a knock at the door DH looked out the window and said " it's naked man" as calmly as if it was the postman. DH opened the door just as a police car drew up outside, and the policeman asked if we knew the guy, then when we said we didn't just said " it's ok, he has diabetes" then led him to the car and drove off. Never did find out what that was all about.

I had the misfortune to pass the Naked Rambler on the way home from school (and my yellow car can be seen passing him in the documentary) Luckily for him we were not on our bikes that day as DS would of given him the third degree.

I used to live in a second floor flat with a brilliant view of a runway, and the first time I saw a plane land then take off straight away I was very shocked and worried for the passengers, until DH came home and told me they were practising and it happens all the time. He had witnessed quite few plane crashes including some of collegues so want fazed by this at all

After DS1 was born I was put on a 4 bed ward. It was pretty small, with not much room between the beds. The woman on the bed opposite was wearing nothing but a t shirt. No pants or anything. Lay there quite happily, everything on show, all through visiting time. My poor FIL didn't know where to look!

One morning I was woken up at about 5am to a commotion outside. I looked out my window to see several policemen, a huge police dog and a man in handcuffs in my back garden. I got up and let them all through the house but never got an explanation as to how they ended up in my back garden.

Oh I have one more!

About two weeks ago I was up early with dd, it was about 6.30am.

I heard a bit of a commotion outside and looked out to see a man walking around a car screaming at the man inside to get out and fight him. He was screaming and screaming and kicking the car repeatedly. The other guy didn't get out so the angry man got into his own car anddrdrove it straight at the other man's car. He smashed into the back of it, then reversed back and got back out to resume screaming at the bloke.

A couple of minutes later he got back in his car and drove off. As he was leaving I saw that he had a womanand children in the car. The police turned up a few minutes after they left.

I have since been told by a friend of his that the guy in the car owed angry man £200. It was rather a shocking start to the day!

One sunny saturday afternoon I just happened to glance out of my living room window to see a young lady striding quickly past with a young child in a buggy, she was followed at a few paces behind by a completely naked young man, his todger was waving about as if to get as much of the sun rays as possible.

Alpaca Similar story ... colleague was a young single teacher, met an older single man. They had a brief liaison (Surrey one night stand).
Only he wasn't so single... at parents evening it turned out he was married to a school governor who mentioned her husband 'travelled' on business so didn't often make such evenings!

Sorry another poo one. A very glamorous posh girl I knew at college shared the house with a few of our male mates and one day couldn't get into either loo because they were being used. She said she was absolutely desperate so she got two plastic bags, one inside the other, folded to make a kind of potty shape, sat in the airing cupboard, and took a dump. Then she had a plastic bag full of poo on her hands and didn't know what to do with it. She went outside to find a bin but the neighbours were out and she didn't want to get caught putting a big bag of poo in the bin. She said she was kind of panicking and just desperate to get rid of it so she walked into the library a few doors down, left it on a shelf and walked away very fast!

I was camping at the beach in Kenya (Mombasa) back in the early 80's with a group of other teenagers. We were all sitting around the camp fire smoking spliff a and drinking when one of the boys though it'd be a good idea to throw some petrol onto the fire. The flames ran back up the splash and set fire to the boy, who then ran yelling into the sea. He came out of the waves trying to laugh it off but skin was hanging from his arms. We all sat there looking stunned and stupid, not saying or doing anything to help him, until the one sensible person in the group (not me) suggested he probably needed to see a doctor. Poor kid ended up having skin grafts...

When I was a teenager we had a young man come to the door and ask my mother if sge wouod allow him to just go and sit in our field and look at the view as he was trying to write some poetry. About half an hour later she sent me to go see if he wanted a cup of tea...he was lying on his back naked having a wank!

When I was a student and had just that day moved into East Ham I saw two big blokes frogmarching a young skinny lad down the road, his hands were tied and one was holding a knife to his neck. Itwas pre-mobile phones and we didn't even have a landline, they marched him to a phone box and made him speak to someone then half dragged him back the way they came. I ran to the phone box and called the police and they weren't even interested! I couldn't believe it and wondered what the hell I had moved there for.

A full pub, student night, freshers and locals all mingling well, in comes a police woman. She was quite petite, but looked serious, and had a real presence about her, so was taken seriously for a few minutes, but then it became clear she was a stripper gram. She did her act in front of the poor/lucky lad, lots of laughter from crowd. She then stands on a table , removes her knickers, pours a drink on the table, sits on the liquid, opens her legs and spins really fast around and around.

Whilst that is going on to much uproar, two real police officers are outside looking in through large picture window, they are about to come in when a fight erupts outside, as they are trying to deal with that two stunning long -legged women squat on the steps of shop opposite and have a very long wee....stripper in pub not amused by the competition! Another quiet night in a sleepy cathedral city

In my early 20's, I was going home one Saturday morning and took a short cut through the nearby disused cemetery now a haven for wildlife.

Sat on a old tomb tone was a man wearing very expensive clothing with a vast array of what my dear friend Alan calls jazz mags. He was having a good wank and as I walked past we nodded and said morning. Then I ran off giggling immaturely.

On the Monday our new Acting Inspector at the police force started and walked in to be introduced to his new team. And guess who it was.... Mr Jazz Mags with his jazz hands. We just looked at each other..... And I giggled immaturely again. I got moved depts not long after.... cannot think why...

Haha, AreYouBlue, you didn't buy a drink then?

Chesterberry

Sunbathing outside my uni flat (faced on to the beach) and a woman started screaming at a fairly young asian student, calling him a pervert because he'd been taking photos of her children, threatening to call the police unless he gave her his camera, etc. He didn't seem to speak much English and was trying to explain to her that he'd just been taking photos of the scenery but she wasn't having any of it. She called her husband over who didn't seem to know what to think. I wanted to intervene but didn't know who to believe!

Another one not particularly weird but excellent karma: I was walking to work in the rain and a strong wind blew my umbrella inside out. Man riding past laughed so hard at me he missed a can in the road and fell off his bike. I laughed the last laugh there!

It ok, they not my children has really tickled me.

I might have met rainbow polyp lady, I was befriended by a similar character once in the absolute dive pub next door to Middlesbrough Arena. I must have a friendly gullible face.

Mine was on a train, a weekday and about 7pm at night. It was a fairly deserted train ambling along mid-Wales and I was sat at a table seat, a woman who looked to be in her twenties got on and sat at the table across the aisle from me. She was dressed up like she was going on a night out, small dress, heels etc. Anyway, she proceeded to pull out a make-up bag and to start touching up her make-up, nothing unusual. She then produced a pair of nail scissors, slipped off her heels and started cutting her toe-nails. I thought this was a bit odd but not unheard of but she went on to EAT the toe nails, literally just popping them into her mouth like they were a tasty snack as she cut them off. She went about the whole thing like this was perfectly normal, not a hint of embarrassment or anything as I sat open-mouthed. Once she'd cut her nails she painted them and once they were dry slipped her heels back on, she got off a while later. She was on the train maybe 15 or 20 minutes but unfortunately there were no other passengers nearby for me to share my horror with.

I went to a school (all girls) where our "outer" pitches sometimes drew unwanted attention from passing flashers. We were playing rounders one day when one moved out from behind the bushes, wanking away furiously at 25+ girls playing in sports kit. I was closest so shouted to the teacher, "Miss, Miss" in some alarm (I was about 12).

She saw him and turned away, shouting very firmly, "Eyes in the ball girls, eyes on the ball."

nursey that made me

hairygrout it's been making me go fuuuuuuuucckk for over 10 years, I'm gutted I've been lied to all these years!!

Lj..... I don't care if that tale turns out to be a bit of porky. It's rare these days to get a tale to make me go fuuuuuuucccccckkkkk!!, and for that, I salute you.

Ice Cream Van war was amazing that I seen.

One ice cream van was on the other's 'patch'

The other one went driving after the ice cream van and they ended up driving around in circles, with the music thing on. Was like a sketch

When I was 13 we had an Italian exchange student stay with us. He was gorgeous and I was smitten. My parents decided we would visit the local safari park and it was there, in the monkey enclosure, that I realised that me and the Italian hunk would never, ever be. The moment when a monkey sat on dad's car bonnet and masturbated, licking the semen in obvious enjoyment, we just sat frozen and silent while the horror unfolded. Christ, I wanted to die.

More recently I witnessed witless parenting choices; first one was at a school turning circle. We had had a lot of rain and it caused a great big puddle covering one half of the center of the turning circle and half way across the road. A father took his (probably) two year old son in wellies to paddle in it. He did not hold the child's hand and the child ran across the road. This turning circle was busy with cars and taxis too. I was open mouthed with amazement and shock.

At the same turning circle but on another day a mother was walking with her friend and their nursery aged children. They were both chatting away to each other and not watching their children. One child ran across the road to the middle of the turning circle, to play in the puddle. Mother shouted "come here" several times but did not bother her arse crossing to get child. Child then ran right across to the other side of the (very busy) road laughing. I expected her to give him a row when she eventually caught up with him but no, she said nothing at all and continued to chat to her friend.

This thread should definitely be promoted to Classics!

Yeah, I reckon so.