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Original poster

I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

443 replies

dodi1978 · 25/03/2014 21:37

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase Smile. Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

  1. Start around six months of age.
  2. Avoid salt and sugar.
  3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

  • A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
  • A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
  • And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

OP posts:
HazleNutt · 27/03/2014 13:42

petite was actually quite shocked when a fancy Michelin-starred restaurant said that of course we can bring our 2 massive dogs, they even gave them water bowls.

As for children, I have to say that I have also never seen any children running around in restaurants, sitting under the tables, wandering around and chatting to strangers etc - at least according to MN, everyday occurrence in the UK.

ThornOfCamorr · 27/03/2014 13:21

So interesting reading about all the different attitudes and good point HoneyandRum regarding the safety worries for your DH. Haven't enjoyed a thread so much in ages! Despite very contrasting cultural differences between the UK and China regarding children,I felt very happy there. I loved talking with people I met about parenting and being surprised at what one another did or didn't do. It's a great icebreaker!

HoneyandRum · 27/03/2014 13:03

Thorn I think this cultural comparison thing swings both ways. My DH is American and extremely paranoid about our kids. Our children ask me "why can't we walk around the village like normal people" and I explain to them that their dad is from a much more violent culture (which his family have direct experience of) and we need to respect that and be understanding. He has generally got more confident as time has gone on here but I still drive our 13 yr old dd to school rather than her take a bus and a train. I think he may relax about that soon as we are moving to a house with a bus stop outside and where two classmates are down the road so could travel together. I understand where my DH is coming from as I lived in the US for 12+ years. The German parents would find it ridiculous though!

ThornOfCamorr · 27/03/2014 12:59

Grin horsetowater great idea!

horsetowater · 27/03/2014 12:57

Thornofcannor - get your friends to learn BSL and teach it to their son. They will be able to say really contentious things in public without anyone knowing about it. Like 'look at him, thinks he's clever'. :)

ThornOfCamorr · 27/03/2014 12:54

Children in the UK definitely need more independence but as a British parent I am very guilty of not allowing this. Dd2 is 7 and going on first trip away in May without us. It has taken me a while to get over myself worrying!! It's so important to do things like this. She is beyond excited and I am really glad I didn't automatically say no but it did cross my mind! Learning from other cultures about independence is a very good thing. Dd was absolutely amazed to see a 5/6 year old boy hop on a bus in China in the middle of a busy road by himself on the way home from school. I used to go to the shop for my mum in the 1970's and cross a main road at 5! Not sure what's happened to change things so drastically in the UK.

Housemum · 27/03/2014 12:52

I have a friend who lived in Germany for some of her childhood, wonder if that explains our differing attitudes to illness. I'm not entirely sure that DD3 has ever set foot in our GP surgery (except for immunisations). DD2 only has been once or twice (10yo). My friend's children have had many visits to GP/out of hours service and have had ear/urine/strep infections. I wonder if her kids are really more ill (once or twice was patently obvious something was wrong, but other times I was a bit Hmm ) - they will go to the GP if the child is a bit "under the weather" and usually come away with a prescription. My DD3 once spent all Christmas day (she was 3 or 4) on the sofa, didn't want to open presents or eat anything, managed a few sips of water, had a raised temp and a bit of a tummyache - but had no rash/could move her neck down/wasn't especially light-sensitive so figured I'd wait and see. A bit better next day and recovered soon enough. I'm sure many of my friends would've been straight on the phone to the emergency doc.

ThornOfCamorr · 27/03/2014 12:47

I was thinking about the question up thread about children with SEN and whilst working in a school in China for quite a few years I saw none. This was quite some time ago though. There is a deaf child in a school where a friends now works in China but he is considered naughty and isn't allowed any extra support as such. My friend works closely with his parents (her own choice not encouraged by school) who are amazing. Their son is the only child in his class who can read English and Chinese because of their work at home with him,he is only 5. Not saying this is the case everywhere as an attitude towards SEN in China nor every individuals opinion,but as an example any thing less than perfect is generally considered a weakness.

LadyInDisguise · 27/03/2014 12:45

And YY about wrapping children in cotton wool. I've had a strange look from another mum (who is also a HV) when I said I was leaving my 2 dcs go to the tennis club on their own. They are 9 and nearly 11yo.
I am sure she was biting her lips as to not tell me off and say it would a child protection issue.
Same mum didn't dare leaving her 2 dcs with a 15yo for a couple of hours in the evening. Her dcs are 9 and 11yo and she was planning to be 2 houses down the road. They ended up cancelling :(

On the same lines, it is quite usual in france to send children to summer camps. Most of them will accept them from 4yo but 'cautious' parents will wait until they are 6~7yo to send them away for 1~2weeks. A friend of mine use to spend 4 weeks away during the summer like this and did so from 5yo, every year (childcare issue there).
At my dcs' school, the first time children will have been away for a couple days wo the parents is in Y6....

HoneyandRum · 27/03/2014 12:44

Danke Schoen! Smile

horsetowater · 27/03/2014 12:42

www.dailymotion.com/video/x16oyz9_bbc-make-me-a-german-hd_lifestyle

Here's a viewable copy ^

ThornOfCamorr · 27/03/2014 12:39

My German Aunt is absolutely paranoid about germs,soft egg yolks, children not wearing tights and a multitude of other things such as this!

LadyInDisguise · 27/03/2014 12:39

I have to say I am still ShockShock when I see women wearing more or less no clothes going out at night in the middle of winter. No coat, no tights, and strappy tops...
Same with babies about 1yo with no shoes, no socks on, vaguely a light jumper on pushed around in a pushchair. I mean even Brits wouldn't sit on their patio for an hour with no socks, no shoes on in the middle of winter!
Ime you can also see that in schools where no teacher will ever tell a child to put a coat on whereas they would never let a child go out 9in winter) wo a coat on in France

HoneyandRum · 27/03/2014 12:35

The documentary HouseMum mentioned is called "Make me a German" and the whole thing is on YouTube. It shows a couple and two of their kids going to Germany and living like a statistically typical German family.

Monikita · 27/03/2014 12:13

Sunnysummer my friend told me that in Thailand there is apparently a word to describe the urge to squeeze a chubby baby's cheeks Grin

frumpity33higswash · 27/03/2014 12:10

This is the most educational site on Mnet. Read it and learn about the customs of other countries

HoneyandRum · 27/03/2014 12:07

Also it would really make sense before the days of modern medicine to keep a baby protected and away from others when they are in the vulnerable first three months. Apparently we have evolved to be born early in our neurological development (before we can hold our heads up, sit up or walk) because otherwise our massive brains would never make it though the birth canal. Plenty of colic etc. also clears up around 3 months too.

Monikita · 27/03/2014 12:03

Iwillorderthefood I am planning to take full advantage of being pampered and not lifting a finger for 6 weeks (40 days' rest in the parts of India where my parents are from is the tradition) when DC2 arrives in September - although I'm not sure I could stay inside for that long! Shock

My DM and DF actually moved down to be near DD (and me!) when she was born and so I'm looking forward to having mum around whilst I am pinned to the sofa surrounded by food and watching crap TV feeding DC2.

The thinking behind it is that it roughly takes that long for post partum recovery to take place (I suppose back in the day giving birth was so much more dangerous) and it takes around 6 weeks to establish breastfeeding.

HoneyandRum · 27/03/2014 12:00

Ha ha! Cheeky monkey!

WelliesandPyjamas · 27/03/2014 11:58

honeyandrum yes, I have heard about your friend and her foolish ways, people are still talking about her Grin sorry, only joking!!

Yes, you very rarely see newborns out and about. Mothers and babies are kept indoors for a long time although I'm not sure for how long.

WelliesandPyjamas · 27/03/2014 11:55

Oh, just remembered another one (from Bosnia). Cafes will almost always refuse to serve cold juice to children. Room temperature juice is best, the cold drinks will make them ill.

lovesmycake · 27/03/2014 11:52

Talking of school trips our nursery regularly takes DS and his class into the woods near by. At our last parents meeting one member of staff conspiratorially leans towards my husband and talks about the time they couldnt find DS beause he had crawled behind a bush (he was maybe 14 months at the time) Husband didn't have a clue what she was on about :) Can't imagine that going down well in the UK

HoneyandRum · 27/03/2014 11:45

I am a wimp Brit now as when I was in Norwich for New Year last year I was shocked, shocked (!) at the amount of young ladies wearing ballet flats, thin tights and short skirts with no coat while I was bundled in my German cover-your-arse-zipped-up-to-the-neck down coat, hat, scarf, gloves and knee-high boots.

I slept regularly in the British winter with my window open - I'm a total weather wimp now.

horsetowater · 27/03/2014 11:43

DM always changed her swimsuit when she gets out of the sea so she wouldn't get a 'Verkuehltes/n Karakter'. She didn't force us to though.

I think I only got my first painkiller at 14 given to me by a friend. I was never ill actually, probably just as well. German relatives still over there are obsessed with pills and medication.

PetiteRaleuse · 27/03/2014 11:40

HazleNutt I would agree re children in restaurants. Always welcome and often made a fuss of. Same with dogs. I find the attitude similar in Germany. I have never been made to feel bad about either my dog or my DC. Obviously took crying babies outside to cry but only ever had sympathetic looks, never cats bums.