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Original poster

I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

443 replies

dodi1978 · 25/03/2014 21:37

I am German, but have lived in the UK for 10 years. In fact, I had somehow acquired a husband, a house and a baby at pretty much exactly 10 years after arrived on an Easyjet flight with one suitcase Smile. Said baby is now almost eight months old.

But that's not relevant here...

What is relevant is the fact that I am a terrible mum! Yes I am! At least if I am judge myself against German guidelines on weaning.

In the UK, the three rules seem to be:

  1. Start around six months of age.
  2. Avoid salt and sugar.
  3. Don't give honey and nuts (ok, and a couple of other things, but the list is small).

And then, there is of course BLW vs. purees etc.

In Germany, BLW seems to be something that nobody has ever heard of. Even friends who have had babies recently seem to be utterly puzzled when I mentioned that some parents don’t give their baby any purees at all.

I’m doing a mixture of purees and finger food, having the little one eat what we eat whenever possible. But according to German guidance, I seem to have got it wrong, because, apparently, babies should have

  • A potato – vegetable – meat – puree at lunchtime
  • A milk – cereal – broth in the evening
  • And a cereal – fruit broth in the morning

Ahem, fail!!! My pancakes with blueberry compote in the morning (which we only have occasionally, by the way) just don’t pass muster.

There are all kinds of other rules and guidelines as well, e.g. that that you should add rapeseed oil (no olive oil before one year!) to certain foods and how much and, oh yes, no yogurt before 10 months (fail!) etc. etc.

Sometimes, dear MNers, I am glad I am living in the UK! I don’t do well with rigid rules. Even the Pampers website has completely different guidance on weaning, when you look at the UK and the German version.

But this made me think… if you are from another country, or have raised a child in another country, what differences have you noticed in the guidance given and in the practice around birth, food, sleep, toilet training etc. as compared to the UK?

I am just asking this out of interest! It’d be great to hear your stories!

OP posts:
meditrina · 26/03/2014 07:12

I'd be a bad parent now if I simply did what the NHS recommended when I had my first here in the 1990s.

There's a book by Christina Hardyment which examines childrearing practice over time. Fascinating.

bigkidsdidit · 26/03/2014 07:08

That explains it - when I lived in an area with a large arabic population I used to notice all the mothers holding the babies in their arms in the front seat of the car. I didn't have dc or know anything then so I didn't know if it was je done thing or not, but I've often thought about it since!

Babieseverywhere · 26/03/2014 06:58

Babies Dvd

OP, You would love this DVD called Babies. Four fascinating cultures and the babies are so cute. :)

KeemaNaanAndCurryOn · 26/03/2014 06:57

Marking my place as I'm really curious now.

yegodsandlittlefishes · 26/03/2014 06:46

This is all fascinating. :)

snowqu33n · 26/03/2014 06:45

YY sunnysummer but there seems to be a lot of pressure to 'top up' breastfeeding with formula.
I am also shocked how many people don't use a car seat for their babies. And at people tapping even very young kids on the head for discipline.
People round here bundle their babies up much more warmly than I do. Indoors I will have DS in a vest and an all-in-one and the other babies will have 4 layers on. I sometimes put on a snowsuit for a walk outside but not for a trip in the car to the supermarket...

poocatcherchampion · 26/03/2014 06:34

there is a good book about this but I can't remember what it is called and it is in the babies' room. I'm particularly interested in the European differences.

Sunnysummer · 26/03/2014 03:40

*oops - 'Japanese mothers don't let their babies cry', that is!

Sunnysummer · 26/03/2014 03:39

Also for Japan - as my relatives constantly remind me, there is a saying 'Japanese mothers don't let their cry'. Easier said than done with colic! Confused

Otherwise it's actually fairly attachment-y... Cosleeping is the norm, night weaning and sleep training unheard of, sling wearing incredibly popular even with large toddlers and breastfeeding is usual - although it is still not that common to do it in public, so most department stores etc will have baby rooms, and most mothers will use some formula for when out and about. This is probably where I've had the most disapproval from family, I've felt like a lactivist every time I've discreetly fed in a corner of some Starbucks in Tokyo (you can still smoke in most cafes, which does make feeding even more awkward!)

There is a very big focus on the mother-child bond which is fab in many ways, but does have downsides in that fathers are often excluded or less involved (it's quite common to have mum and kids in one room, dad in another), and of course with all these expectations, combining work with young DCs is much rarer, and frowned on by most of my older family.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 26/03/2014 02:44

I didn't let newborn ds fall asleep on the sofa or floor with a pile of cushions, cousins and brothers and miscellsneous males.

I didn't keep him indoors for the first three months.

I didn't bottle feed or jar purees when weaning.

I wasn't ok with baby dangled in one hand and cigarette in the other

I weirdly thought a car seat was safer than his mothers arms (in a moving vehicle) - much shock there!

But I did spoil him rotten and make him the centre of my world so got lots if browny points for that :) original attachment parenting ethos

(An Arabic culture)

snowqu33n · 26/03/2014 02:06

Japan - I have already been to the first baby-food class at the health centre here and DS is 3 months. First foods start at 5 or 6 months with hand mushed rice and water (using a kind of ceramic and wood pestle and mortar). Vegetable broth is also acceptable if pureed. Other foods are gradually introduced. The rules for consistency of foods are very strict. I was given both pictures and samples to look at of what levels of runny were acceptable for each month of age.

I may ignore all this and just give a piece of banana or avocado to DS when he is 6 months.

EmBeEmBe · 26/03/2014 02:06

I've thought of a few more...
I'm a weird mother because I was delighted when my children learnt to crawl (Vietnamese children don't crawl, which is understandable when you think about the floors much of the population walk on) I don't chase them around trying to feed them yogurt all day long, I don't top up breastfeeding with formula even though I can easily afford it, I didn't toilet train as soon as children could walk, I don't transport my entire family around on one motor bike - with no helmets for the children in case it damages their brain development (although I've noticed this attitude is changing).
Everyone here loves children and I think nothing of people coming up to my children and saying hello, stroking their hair etc. Although I do draw the line at kissing! And it's hard to fend off people offering my children food without seeming rude and ungracious.

EmBeEmBe · 26/03/2014 01:51

I live in Vietnam. I am a bad mother here because:
I took my children out of the house before they were 1 month old, I don't wrap them in umpteen blankets as soon as the temperature drops below 25 degrees, I let them suck their thumbs, I fed them real food before they were 2... And those are just the urban middle-class things I do wrong. If I lived in a village somewhere in the mountains I'd probably be chased out of town for my bad mothering!
It's fascinating bringing up children in a different culture.

rosiedays · 25/03/2014 22:07

I lived a long time in Egypt (and acquired a husband) my dmil is horrified by most of what I do Grin
I didn't bind my babies legs ( or my belly) when she was born.
I didn't give her honey when she had a bit of a cold at 3 months (or any other time for anything else)
I don't sleep her on her frontt.
Oh and i didn't shave her head at 7 days old so now she will have 'bad hair'
I haven't pierced her ears, how on earth will people know she's a girl Hmm
And now we're weaning. .... a whole new set of things for me to do oddly :)

Disclaimer. .. my mil is lovely.

MotherOfInsomniacToddlers · 25/03/2014 22:03

In the uk hardly anyone use cloth nappies but in several other countries it's much more normal. I feel like a weird hippy mum here but one of my polish friends mums was shocked that her daughter used disposables and that she was "throwing her money away and being so wasteful"

Original poster
dodi1978 · 25/03/2014 21:57

Yes, I also hope that people with insights into Asian cultures will come forward Smile ! But am interested in any country!

OP posts:
GreatUncleEddie · 25/03/2014 21:44

That's a really interesting question. I would love to now what eastern cultures do differently too.

travispickles · 25/03/2014 21:42

I don't have much to compare having only had my baby here although I lived in France for a while and the impression I got there was that my breast feeding til 2 and cosleeping til 3 may have had me marked out as a bit bizarre! But I'm interested in the German approach to weaning- what's the issue with olive oil and yoghurt??! Petit filous made up over 50% of my child's diet initially!