I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

Oh and all ff mothers here are bad mothers, because the official advice, also printed on formula tins, is never to use water hotter than 40C for making up bottles. None of this 70C stuff.

I had my ds here in the UK and dd in the Middle East.

Dd birth- before the birth, lots of raised eyebrows as I didn't want to know the sex. lots of fuss about dh being there during cs, and my desire to bf and have baby in the room and look after her myself. I also didn't have a maid, so that caused some fuss about how I would manage at home with a baby and a dh.

Bf was considered fine, and it was generally the expats who glared at me out and about. The locals didn't bat an eyelid and always smiled/ complimented the baby.

In France however, everything I did was wrong, from feeding a newborn when he cried ( he has to learn who is boss), to letting them feed themselves as soon as they could hold a spoon, and mil said a bib should be worn at all times to keep clean. Even at home. And bedtime- just put the child in its bed, say goodnight and flick out the lights, closing the door firmly behind you. Don't go back ever as they won't learn to fall asleep. You do this from birth, apparently. My sil did it and the screaming went on for hours and hours:(

This thread is really funny. Reminds me of when my Syrian friend invited us for dinner and I said we would need to find a babysitter. He looked totally shocked and told me he had a perfectly good sofa for baby to fall asleep on and why was I putting my son to bed at 7pm anyway.

Sangria I am nodding along and laughing at your post. My dd1 was born extracted in a provincial northern Italian hospital and we survived living there a few years after that. Ex is the son of southern Italian terrone immigrants. Everything you say is true!

I was told my milk goes bad after six months - quite authoritatively by a nursery worker.

If you don't give your child a dummy you are a cruel mother.

If you are aged under 30 40 then you are a 'young mother'.

Every household must have an 'aerosol' (nebuliser) bywhich preventitive antibiotics and steroids must be administered before the onset of winter (which occurs on a proscribed date, upon which your infant must be bundled up like a Michelin baby).

If you use a sling it means you can't afford a PegPerego/Inglesina pushchair and are trying to be 'like those black women'.

Heaven forbid your child should actually chew something before the age of five. Choking is a massive hazard.

A trip to the pediatra/a&e requires several generations of the family to accompany the child and regular forced demonstrations of the minor cough to all in turn in the waiting room.

It is cruel to strap a child in a car seat, however one of the aforementioned bsby carrisges will do the job for at least five years -enabling late night restaurant visits (the child will eventually pass out in it after tearing around for several hours).

Great thread. My expat days were pre children but SIL is Greek and the pregnancy guidance there differs tp UK. Can you imagine telling a Greek woman not to eat feta (sheep's milk cheese). You would be laughed at.

Moroccan babies are weaned on biscuits mushed with milk at three months. They are given whatever adults eat including very salty or sugary food. My DNS are the least fussy kind I know whereas my DS is a prissy nightmare with food so I'm not going to criticise that too strongly.
Moroccan kids take themselves to school. Reception age kids will walk to school holding hands. DN was getting the bus to pre school at 3 years and walking to and from the bus to his flat door alone.
The layers! Babies are bundled in far too many layers, especially when ill. I was genuinely afraid for my DN when he got a cold at a week old, I thought he was at risk of seizures due to being overheated.
Very early schooling. Pre school (private) is actual school, they are reading and writing by 4. This doesn't apply to kids in state schools of course.

Not mocking though. There were a lot of good things when I was growing up and a lot of things I'm doing with my own DC. I'll post some when I can remember them.

LadyinDisguise at milk-drinking. I've not heard this one, but then my parents have been quite progressive when we were growing up.

But girls are not to wash their hair during their periods. Of course no contact with anything cold after giving birth.

Cold things must be unnatural and are the invention of the devil.

The phrase "the past is a foreign country" seems so true, as my kids are now young adults, and the current advice is really quite different to the advice I followed. Weaning from 12-16 weeks, use pureed food etc.

'I'm an infant teacher, and often get the boys from Eastern Euro and African countries rocking up with tights under their trousers in the dead of winter'

Same here - not a teacher but work with little children and lots of the boys from those cultures wear tights under their trousers in winter. I hadn't noticed that they stop around Year 1 as I work with nursery age and below - interesting! Cant' have him looking in any way like a girl I guess!

Some of these are interesting and some are horrifying, especially the under-18 month olds being forced to potty train

I'm Estonian, had a baby in France.

For Estonians, I'm a bad mother because:
-I went back to work when baby was 4 months old. That's all the mat leave you get here. As was mentioned earlier, you get 18 months full salary in Estonia, but your job is kept open for 3 years, so you are a bad mother if you can't save enough of the maternity benefits to at least stay home for 2 years.
-I freeze my baby. I don't put socks and hat on him in the middle of the summer, that's a massive no-no. Babies must have hats! All the time!
-I don't wash his butt under the tap during each nappy change, but use wipes.

In France, I'm weird because

• I still breastfeed (DS is almost 9 months). It's generally considered odd to bf after 3 months.
• I don't do cc. I have been told many, many times that I just need to let him cry for 3 nights and by 4th he will be sleeping through. Thanks, but it's not for me.
• we walk a lot and DS naps outdoors even in the middle of the winter. In Estonia, you are a bad mother if the baby does not get fresh air daily, no matter the weather. Here I'm bad mother dragging the poor baby out when it's raining or snowing, for no good reason.
• DS is wearing tights. They are practical both under trousers and just for crawling around at home, no frozen legs or disappearing socks. zing even in Eastern Europe, tights are for small boys only.

I was in India till my DS1 turned 2. I am a terrible mum according to Indian standards because:

1. I objected to my baby being given honey on the day he was born. It is a standard Hindu ritual, Jatakarma, where the favourite family member is given the privilege of feeding the new born honey, in the belief that the baby will imbibe some virtues from that relative.

1. I breast fed DS1. While most mums are expected to bf their babies during the initial months, I had a medical doctor (along with MIL, DM, aunties, neighbours etc.) telling me that breast milk is less nutritious than formula once the baby is around 6 months old . I bf till DS was 2.5 years.

1. I refused to put kohl in my baby's eyes. Apparently applying Kohl improves the baby's eyesight There are special baby kohls available is shops.

Oriunda- and don't forget the dreaded cervicale!

Which I used to think was a terrible illness affecting a female's nether regions until I noticed that men are just as likely to get it.....

My oft-neglected blog may have got a whole new post that day

I didn't let newborn ds fall asleep on the sofa or floor with a pile of cushions, cousins and brothers and miscellsneous males.

I think that sounds rather cosy, loving and sociable. However! I don't have kids, so I do realise there may be dangers inherent in it that I don't know about.

This thread is fascinating. I think Sweden and Norway sound the most enlightened.

Enjoying this thread!

Fascinating read!

In Russia: Babies should nap outside during the day, or at least on the balcony. Up to -15 degrees is absolutely fine and good for health.

No disposable nappies in the house for the older baby-skin should "breath". Potty training should be done by 12-15 months old. 2 year old in the disposable nappy may be called some rude names.

No bottle from around 10-12 months, should always drink from the cup.
No dummy after 12 month, no thumb sucking- even a small baby may receive a smack on the hand.

No pushchair after 2yo, should walk everywhere. Again, good for health.

When the child is constipated, enema is your saviour.

Also should always wear shoes inside the house, ideally with ankle support, to prevent the flat feet. Considering with the rule "no disposable nappies inside the house", you will need several pairs of shoes.
For older child, slippers should be worn all the time inside the house, as cold floor is deadly for the little's ones health and can ruin kidneys.

Hat should be worn outside even when it is +18 degrees. Common belief is that's how you will get meningitis.

Soup should be put on the table every day for lunch. That is the easiest way to be labelled as a " bad mother", again, you are ruining your child's stomach.

Between 1 month old to 12 months old you are supposed to take your baby to the various specialist doctors, such as ophthalmologist, orthopaedist, psychiatrist etc., just to be on the safe side. Also need to take him for blood test at 3 month old.

Unfortunately, smacking and shouting are very common.

That's how I remember the child-rearing from 15 years ago. Hope, that it is now changing for the more positive attitude. Needless to say, I was very down and very worried the first several years of DS1 life. Could not believe how relaxed I am now.

Ooh, Sangria, thank you for posting! Saved me having to repeat and agree with everything you said!

Il colpo di vento is my favourite .... A deadly breath of fresh air that is responsible, amongst other things, for colds, vomiting, stomach aches etc etc. Colds require antibiotics (give them out like sweeties to kids) and of course that essential visit to A&E.

When my in laws came over to the UK to 'help' when I was 8 months pregnant, my niece got a cold (caught because they overdress her, don't take her jacket off when on tube etc). Their solution was to turn the central heating up to Max, keep her wrapped up, and when she started sweating so much her hair got wet, use the hair dryer to dry it. Surprised they don't use leeches. They also rang us at 3am to say DN had a fever (never a cold) and could we check flights back home.

A friend's little nephew was recently knocked unconscious in a car accident. He had been sitting in the front seat with no seat belt. I was deemed cruel for wanting to put my sleeping 4 month old DS in a car seat when I should have been holding him in my arms.

Italians love children, but restaurants have no changing facilities and high chairs are very rare.

RE: The tights for boys.

I'm an infant teacher, and often get the boys from Eastern Euro and African countries rocking up with tights under their trousers in the dead of winter. It struck me as strange at first (but of course I never said anything about it), but now it's quite normal. However, once the boys get to Year 1 and beyond, it seems to stop. I think as the kids and parents twig that here tights are seen as "girl clothes".

I'm glad I gave birth in the UK albeit 10 years ago. I think the only thing I agree with is sending the children into formal education later. On the whole I think few children are ready for formal education at 4 or 5. I know that reception is mainly play centred learning but there is still some formal learning of phonics etc.

Oh yes weighing babies! they did in France before. I remember my mum saying that she was supposed to weight me before and after each (bf) feed so she could tell how much milk I had for that feed.... Thanks fully they don't do that now.

Also seeing a paediatrician and not a GP for children health problem (I would be happy to do so tbh) and following the advice of the paediatrician to the letter (otherwise you are likely to get told off by said paediatrician who knows better than you)

Same for France. They really don't rate either gas and air or diamorphine (well it's morphine) so they will not use it routinely for birth.
gas and air will only be use in case of emergency (eg someone who is completely panicking and in dire pain waiting for a 'proper' pain relief so only for a very short time)

Oh! My SIL also weighed her (perfectly well formed, non preemie) baby after every meal until she was about 2. And kept a chart.

Same SIL's husband (dp's brother) is a vet (so kind of educated in medicine stuff, albeit for animals) and they give both children antibiotics from October onwards, once a month "in case they get flu".

In the hospital where I gave birth no-one except me even knew what an epidural was. I became a bit of a sleb, and went round the ward telling them all that next time it didn't have to be either a c sec or no pain relief at all, they could have this jab.

My American friend (the same one as before) however gave birth in a different town where the first so many to ring a special number on a special day got an epidural (paid for of course) while everyone else just had to bite on their husband's hand and get on with it.

Purées rule in France and baby/toddler diets are very regimented - have heard mothers discussing how many grams of protein their children have per day. My child's paediatrician was horrified by me giving finger food at 7-8 months.

You are asked constantly if your baby is sleeping though and are considered freakish if he or she isn't by 3 months or so. Not sure if babies here do sleep for longer stretches or if everyone just lies because of the social pressure, although leaving even young babies to cry is much more acceptable than in the UK.

Also great enthusiasm for putting babies and toddlers in loads of very warm clothes inside/outside/in bed and much scolding by old ladies if you do take your baby outside without 5 layers plus snowsuit plus blankets when the temperature drops.