I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

Nancy The first time I saw an Indian child being walloped by his father I nearly died of shock. It was a proper smack - it would have hurt another adult of the same size, and the poor kid was only up to his hip. I never got used to it, and it happens all the time. As I said, even other random adults will do it.

I realise this is going to be controversial, and I cannot condone smacking at all, but all the Indian kids I met were incredibly well-behaved, certainly in school. Really polite and sensible kids.

Far more impressive than being nappy trained as soon as they can walk - they all know their full set of times tables by the age of 7 .

No mother and toddler/baby activities in (our part) of Italy either. Took MIL to a couple of DS' activities in London and she said that it would be impossible for mothers to do stuff like that in Italy as they needed to be home preparing lunch for their husbands !

Lived in Asia and it was common for parents to hit their kids and scold them often, not use car seats in their very expensive cars. Kids are tutored after school rather than do sports or more fun type stuff. Also potty trained much earlier.

eyelet older people in France say toilet training should start at 12mo. Current practice is to start it between 18mo and 24mo from what I can tell. They're expected to be day trained by the time they go to school so at about 3.

somewherewest I think you're right, I'm one of seven myself. My parents would have laughed if we'd suggested they had to entertain us 24/7. In fairness I had enough siblings to entertain me.

Great thread. I live in France but on the border with Luxembourg. The DCs were both born in Luxembourg and their paed is in Luxembourg too. They go to nursery in France.

Luxembourgish children are often raised speaking anything up to four or five languages. The doctors are pretty relaxed about speech as bilingualism (trilingualism etc) can slow stuff down at the beginning. In France they seem much more worried about slow speakers.

In both countries weaning starts at 17-18 weeks. I was laughed out of the place when I described current trends in the UK. I puree weaned from 17w and added some finger food from about 6mo. Both my kids ate proper food a bit earlier than is the norm over here which raised eyebrows, especially at nursery and in restaurants.

Even in hospitals the UK ff heating to 70 etc is not followed at all. Here you add powder to certain brands of mineral water, shake and heat a bit if you want to or if the baby wants, but no more than 40 degrees. The exception of course is for preemies.

I have not heard anything negative about bf'ing; indeed it is encouraged, particularly in Luxembourg. You are left to make your own choice though. None of the debates you see on here.

Babies drink follow on milk until 3, not cows milk. There is pretty solid medical reasoning behind this, and my DC had no cows milk except in food until 3.

I have never been told to just let babies cry it out over here, though controlled crying is practiced to a certain extent.

Children nap in the afternoon, even at school the first few years, and stay up later.

Babies' temperatures are taken rectally and paracetamol also via suppository. Once I'd got over the first time I understood the reasoning and quite happily did both.

There seems to be far less debate about rights and wrongs here. Lists of banned foods seem shorter and people just aren't that bothered about how you do things. Or maybe I don't notice it as I don't engage in baby chat very much.

I find the weaning and feeding guidelines in the UK quite bizarre, and BLW particularly so. Tbh the only cats bum face I ever had re ff/elcs/epidurals etc have been from British expats. I don't recall any French women asking (except family) if I bf or ff. Ditto re vaccinations.

The French do have some very bizarre attitudes to SEN, ASD and PND among other things which make me uncomfortable and uneasy. If my kids prove to have SEN I would probably move back to the UK for their education.

Maybe things are different in Paris, but other than the odd elderly lady tutting at my babies not being wrapped up warm enough, out here I have found parenting pretty stress free, and the support medically is brilliant.

Other than expats in Lux however there are zero activities for SAHMs with babies and toddlers. No baby groups, massage, music, zilch. Means I put my toddlers into nursery pretty much full time to stop us all going mad. French women rtw at 3-6mo.

"not feeding DC herbal teas to get them to sleep"

Again in Spain, we were given Blevit Digest - powdered chamomile/fennel tea for dd. She loved it, not sure it did any good as she was a rotten sleeper regardless, but we figured in 40C heat any extra liquid had to be a good thing :)

I did feel a bit weird feeding her herbal tea (just regular teabags by that point) when we came back to the UK and all the other littlies were drinking juice, though

Also, they don't seem to take their kids outside much at all.

All the Eastern Europeans I know (Latvian, Polish, Chec (sp?) Republic) bundle their babies up like it's minus 50 outside all the time. Hats in doors etc. One European baby I saw today had a vest, trousers, shirt, jacket, hat and 4 times folded blanket on... I was wearing a vest top and jeans, my own boy was in a shirt and trousers....

And they're all obsessed that if you get wet feet you'll catch a cold.

This is fascinating. Spending last Spring to Autumn in Greece I saw babies bundled up like it was an English December. I'm sure DD's tshirt and shorts combo was judged. The little prince/princess idea did seem true there too.

The playgrounds were always deserted in the afternoon but would be massively busy at ten pm and restaurants had toddlers in at the same time. Made sense it was bloody hot in the afternoon.

All children's clothes must be ironed apparently after drying to kill bacteria was one thing I was told. Slattern mother ignored this one!

The loveliest bit was how friendly the locals were to DD; they loved chatting to her. Coming back to unfriendly London was a bit of a shock.

Sparked by a statement upthread (this is truly fascinating btw) at what age fo other countries/cultures toilet train? Dd1 is considered very late at 3.7 and yet nothing we try works.

I'm wondering about emigration!

Somuch, agree with what you say about west Africa. I worked there for a while and one of the colleagues I have kept in touch with had her first child 2 days after my son was born. What I found hilarious was that she was reading Gina Ford and all I heard about from British friends was attachment parenting. She is Kenyan middle class though.

I'm Irish myself living in UK. I'm going to dare to say this at the risk of being shouted at (plus I might need a name change after). I find parents here sooooooo much more fussy than my peers at home. Child-centric helicoptering I'm talking about. Us Irish are more relaxed though

I'm also Irish living in the UK and OMG yes. English parenting is definitely more anxious and intensive. For example I find it incredibly strange how parents seem to feel its their job to lay on entertainment for every second of their teens' / preteens' free time. I have a theory that its related to family size. While most Irish people of my generation (born 1980) have the standard one to three kids, most of us come from 'big' families, as did our parents and grandparents. No one has the time to helicopter parent five or six kids.

You cannot feed German children under the age of 12 months pulses, because they will die.

Nearly had a heart attack when my British friend fed her baby some Heinz baby jar with lentils in! Luckily her baby survived

I love the way this thread puts everything into perspective.

I'm in Norway too. Had first dd in UK and am finding the differences between that time and having my second dd in Norway amusing. Highly educated women in my mother-baby group in Norway prefer to give baby food from jars if not giving tiny morsels of bread with liver pate on, or baby porridge. The jars are preferred because the food in them are sterile and they trust that the professionals who have concocted their contents know their stuff. Personally I'm more reluctant to leave my dd's diet in the hands of the food industry. Besides I'd like my dd's to taste what real food tasts like and I don't think having grains (eg bread or porridge) 2-3 times per day gives a balanced enough diet. ignores the fact that youngest dd seems to hate my lovingly prepared nosh and would probably wolf down jars...

No antibiotics unless a diagnosis proves it is useful. This
is quite good iI think though.

I'm also breaking all conventions by not giving my dd cod liver oil. All children should consume this evil from the age of 4 weeks. However, it is utterly rank and I don't find it particularly charming to have the lovely wool clothes (they are great as pp said!) ruined by posseted cod liver oil Not when there are civilised supplements available anyhow!

Sleeping outside, don't do this as I'm petrified of cats, of which every household seems to have at least one. Several ladies in the mother-baby group seem to only give their children their naps outdoor and in their pram. And you must take a long walk with the baby everyday whatever the weather. Is good for them, less its minus 10' ish. Love the outdoorsy attitude in general though.

All I can think of right now

Reading some of these has made me realise why 11mo DS got such an audience when he was completely smeared in pasta & tomato sauce in a restaurant in Spain last summer. He had just shoved it in with his fists but his aim hadn't been that accurate so was covered from his forehead to his tummy. Not only did the waitress bring over the other waiters/waitresses from the restaurant we were in but from the neighbouring restaurants too.

I think you'd all enjoy "how Eskimos keep their babies warm" by Mei-Ling Hopgood. Though it's much more interesting reading all these posts first hand :-)

I'm Irish myself living in UK. I'm going to dare to say this at the risk of being shouted at (plus I might need a name change after). I find parents here sooooooo much more fussy than my peers at home. Child-centric helicoptering I'm talking about. Us Irish are more relaxed though I agree with cityofgold everyone in Ireland is obsessed with teething. When DS was a few weeks old everyone said he was teething every time he even whimpered. He's five months now still no sign of teeth.

Bracing myself for a backlash!

Africa - really, I am in AWE:
Nobody has ever heard of milk supply problems. It is just assumed that everyone has enough milk for their baby. I am surrounded by what must be a portion of the poorest population on earth, lots of round bouncing babies. Not saying there aren't any problems at all, just saying nobody is starting with the assumption that breastfeeding 'might go wrong'.

It is actually possible to breastfeed a baby in a sling while walking in the street with 20kg of tomatoes on your head. (ashamed of the many conversations I had about the ideal breastfeeding position and 'saving my back' or 'baby not latching on'…...)

It is actually possible for a 4 year old to walk several miles to school without whinging or needing a snack.

Non walking children will never touch the ground until they can walk.

Attachment parenting and smacking dispensed simultaneously.

Women manage to bring up healthy happy children in what we would consider extreme conditions, and then get sent on a one day course on how to look after children by their expat employees.

ITALY
Well, although I am half Italian, so may be biased - I gave birth to dd1 in Italy and had amazing experience. Three nights in hospital with warm meals and could have baby as much or as little as wanted as standard. Paediatrician available at all times for the smallest pfb concerns.

Ok, a bit over the top with the fevers and the food etc but took it all with a pinch of salt (maybe as I was already prepared for it having partly grown up there)

I did wonder while growing up how amazing my stomach must have been, I was able to eat a bit of chocolate without being struck down suddenly by a terrible mal di pancia (stomach ache!).

ENGLAND
My half Italian side always slightly disconcerted at the fact that other people's children can be pouring snot all over the playgroup/other child's toy and no one bats an eyelid.

I am British, my husband is Sri Lankan tamil. He came here in 1991, and his parents in 1990 (dad) and 1995 (mum) along with their two daughters.

I was strange because:

I did not stay in the house for 31 days after birth
I did not have my baby's head shaved on the 31st day
I got dressed quite quickly post birth
I let my children pick up leaves from the ground (they are dirty you know)

I will not allow my daughters to have a puberty ceremony in front of all their family.

I let them out of the house to play in the winter. It's too cold and they will catch cold

I encourage my children to be active.

My children are too skinny (instead of obese which is healthier apparently)

I insist on car seats every trip

I have not pierced their ears.

I let them out of the house in the rain! They will be ill apparently

I walk them to school - driving is by far the best way apparently.

My children clean their teeth in the morning and the evening (it is not necessary to clean teeth in the evening - although the state of my nieces andnp nephews teeth say otherwise)

I let my children drink tap water !

Oh and I sometimes allow my hair which is pretty grey grow quite a long way through, which is wrong as apparently a wife must have the same colour hair as her husband.

I'm finding this thread so refreshing!!

Everyone in Ireland is obsessed with teething. All crying can be explained by teething. Even if a baby is hot, tired, hungry, and overstimulated, it must be 'them tooths'. Even random people in the street stop me and comment that my baby must be teething because of her red cheeks. She's not - she just gets really red cheeks when she's a bit too warm. I've learnt to smile politely.

I'm from a French background and no-one ever seems to talk about teething.

Ditto wind. MIL and PIL always seemed very concerned that I wasn't winding dd thoroughly enough. I preferred to just let her sleep when she fell asleep at the breast!

Oh, and I have been berated in the street in Czech many times because my DC don't wear hats in sunny weather (or in any weather given the chance).

I know the Czech for 'what a neglectful mother, where is your baby's hat, she/he will die of pneumonia!' even when rattled off at me at a hundred miles an hour by an elderly lady :o

funny how DH isn't neglectful though, even if he is the one carrying said child...

DH is Czech, and his friends/family excuse all of my parenting 'eccentricities' because I'm British - for example, returning to work when DS was 7 months old (lots of sharp intakes of breath on that topic), then 3 years later, NOT returning to work when DD was a baby, because somehow their culture has shifted massively in 3 years

also:
bfing past a year AND in public sometimes
not feeding DC herbal teas to get them to sleep
not piercing DD's ears
co-sleeping
baby led weaning
sending them to school before they are 6
not potty training as soon as they were able to stand

and the one that annoys me the most, which I have seen in a few czech friends, is the concept that boys are spoiled by being held, so male babies are left to lie down a lot, whereas girls can be cuddled as much as you want. Cue many Czech males with flat heads (seriously, I used to think it was a genetic thing over there, but have since heard from a few mums that it's because boys shouldn't be held much )

other than that, there are not too many differences!