I would be a bad mum... if I still lived in Germany! Or: differences in traditions and guidelines

Eating habits

I definitely came back a more relaxed parent in many ways regarding earing habits and bedtimes but seem to have a slight obsession with the hands near mouth thing now!

Oh how funny peppin- your bottom comment! Chinese babies bare it all!

In China living and working for a while i can confirm the no carseats thing is the norm everywhere. Little children are fed up until quite a late age but with a lots of different foods. It's fine to have a pee on the edge of the swimming pool if you are a child- that's what I found most disgusting!! But everyone was so lovely in general I had to just try to ignore it. Peeing in the street for children is completely normal whilst toddlers- over a plant pot,drains,bins any vessel available.

Never put your hands in your mouth- I had perfect strangers batting my toddlers hand away and scolding her for sucking her fingers! She did have a dummy for a while which was approved of and when my Chinese improved I could hear people discussing why we had one and it was solely to keep dd's hands away from her mouth apparently. There was much discussion from people about why my dd wasn't wearing any socks when it was boiling hot and massively humid!

Never give your children cold water- ever. On stiflingly hot summer days after swimming you absolutely must feed your children hot ginger water before they catch a cold. Many people use split pants still for babies and their little bits are on display despite the fact it's too cold to not be wearing any socks! Bottoms are throughly aired and friends were a bit worried my dd may end up sore and uncomfortable wearing a nappy.

Biggest cultural difference for me compared with the UK was how interested and friendly everyone was towards each others children with no suspicion and there is no routine for bedtimes,the play parks were full at 10pm with families just relaxing. Also loved how everything stopped dead at mealtimes and even Chinese fast food is simply amazing

Thanks for clarifying, Boffin. I did wonder if that was the idea. But the thought of wriggly DD rummaging around all over the grubby toilet floors... I actually changed her outside on a bench one day. Ha! That got some looks. Just imagine what kidney infections/death/pneumonia would befall a baby with its bare bottom out in the fresh air!

pretty certain that the wotsit shaped peanut favoured bamba is not the weaning food of choice for Israeli mothers although i did catch mil giving ds2 some at 7 months. not v impressed . the main difference is bedtimes. bit it makes sense to have a later bedtime there especially in summer when it is simply too hot until after 5pm to venture out. so an early evening trip to the playground, a later bedtime and a nap are all par for the course. plus children do nap until they are older possibly until school age 6. also children are there to be enjoyed and more part of the family so why would anyone want to ship them off to an early bed? massive generalisation of the English of course (of which i am one). also birth appears to be more medicalised with epidurals fairly standard. but based on insurance system so more consumer choice as it were perhaps.

The warmth thing is interesting as it seems like such a focus everywhere but the UK!

In Japan you're also expected to bundle up your children in anything short of a heat wave, and you regularly see long sleeved trousers and tops when it's 30 and humid outside, plus the baby is curled up in a sling next to mum (who is also wearing a cardigan). Mysterious to me!

In China it was the same, with the added bonus that older women in particular will tend to dispense lots of 'helpful' advice, like coming up to you in public to loudly berate you for not covering your sweating 6 month old in a blanket.

The nicest thing we've seen throughout Asia is that fatness is a definitely virtue for babies, so our families display DS's million rolls proudly to strangers and other mothers will poke his enormous calves in wonder and ask what we are feeding to achieve this.

The Indonesian thing about carrying baby in a sling everywhere is true; Indonesian DM used to cart me about in a sling made of batik then used the same one for DD. Though having visited her village it is quite normal for little girls aged 8 or so to carry their baby brothers or sisters in a sling for some of the day. DM also had her ears pierced as a child with a sharpened type of grass- I guess she means like a pampas type leaf, ow!

Car seat and sitting in the front of the car rules here are much less strict over here - except for in my car. Mummy's car is a German car, German rules apply!

All Malaysian Chinese babies are weaned on rice porridge / congee. My children gag on it. They are not very authentic.

It's probably my fault.

And porridge, practically all babies in Norway are weaned on porridge, porridge and porridge.

Peppa, they change them on the floor of the nearest loo.

I've just got back from Italy with 9mo DD. Things I did that got looks were:

• carrying her around in a sling (she is a total pushchair refuser)
• putting her to bed before midnight
• not wrapping her up in thick, padded layers, blankets, and a hat in the 20+ degree sunshine. Don't I know it's March? Therefore spring, and time for thick clothing until a set date in July.
• not feeding her honey or salty chips

I was interested to see PPs' comments on Italian babies being exclusively raised on purées. My friends have actually followed baby led weaning (autosvezzamento) with their youngest - apparently it's quite a new idea around their parts (rural central Italy) but is gaining ground thanks to a book by an Italian paediatrician who advocates it. Anyway, I was really surprised as I'd fully expected to be considered a terrible parent for chucking my baby pizza crusts and whatnot.

And finally - where on earth do Italian mums change their babies when they're out? Does anyone know? I didn't see any changing facilities, anywhere at all. Luckily we had an apartment/hire car/friends' houses to change her in, but I'm genuinely intrigued to know how they manage.

Germany uses similar ones to here. Taxi drivers often carry booster seats routinely.

Lack of car seats seems to me one that keep coming up for some countries in this thread. In Norway, not only are car seats required by law and all adhere to it, but rear-facing seats are used until ca four years of age, by almost everybody. I think this is the same in Sweden and Denmark, but not so much in the rest of Europe?

I wonder about the SIDS stats too. It seems other countries don't really follow the rules about not letting your baby get too warm. Quilts are normal for babies in Germany. Babies are wrapped up in many layers, always wearing a hat.

The Swedish kids are also kept very warm when asleep ( often under the same duvet as the parents I was never given any safe co-sleeping advice but I was repeatedly advised to co-sleep) the sids rates are much lower in Sweden than in the UK.

Sorry one more thing that I sorely missed about the USA. At the supermarket they pack all your groceries for you and if you have small children they offer to take it to the car for you! A cheerful employee puts all said shopping in a trolley and whisks it outside while you drag your darlings behind you. Shop employees will also stop to chat to your kids and enjoy entertaining them while you attempt to do a weekly shop with three under five.

In Germany all your shopping is flung down the conveyer belt at a rapid pace and you are expected to expertly pack it in a neat and orderly fashion if your recyclable cotton bags. If you take too long all the line will glare and you but would never think to help with three small children.

Kindertee

Oh yes, and in Germany it's quite normal to stick a massive feather duvet over a baby at any excuse, and interestingly they sleep better because they are not freezing thanks to UK cot death information. Not sure about their mortality stats but I would be surprised if they are massively different from here.

One hilarious if worrying thing done in Germany is that parents stick their toddlers on the front on their skis, and then bomb down a slope with them at about 100mph. Occasionally dads have to take avertive action to avoid using their own children as airbags, however.

In Germany you can buy fennel tea and chamomile tea in little crystals that you add to hot water for babies, and they do like it. Older children have 'Kindertee' which is a kind of tea bag with red fruit tea inside. This is served cold in summer and hot in winter, and is actually better for them than juice.

Most of Europe just whops Evian into the milk powder to make formula, and it works just fine. Some people even just fill bottles from the tap.

Oh I BFed our three kids for 5 years, 2.5 yrs and 4.5 yrs and never received a negative comment form anyone in the USA. (Of course, many of them probably assumed we'd finished that palaver years previously!) All doctors and medical staff very supportive.

It sounds like many of you would enjoy "Our babies, ourselves: How Biology and Culture shape the way we parent" by American anthropologist Meredith Small.

I am a Brit married to an American. Our three kids were all born in the US and we are now in Germany.

USA
Local hospital has been certified "Baby friendly" by the UN (or somebody) this meant tons of very supportive and encouraging parenting classes offered before the birth about birth/becoming a parent where mothers and fathers were shown how breastfeeding works and how to support mum and baby.

Labor and birth in the same room with rooming in with baby and a bed for dad/partner.

Lactation specialist to help you before you left hospital.

Breast feeding Unit in the hospital that you could call or visit any time with bambino with questions/concerns about BF. Also hospital shop selling/renting breast pumps, slings etc. etc.

I cloth-diapered first DD and kind of fell off the wagon with second. With both I had a cloth diaper service that dropped off a huge bag of clean cotton diapers every week and took the festering bag of dirty ones away.

My very loud second dd was frequently complimented on her "great voice" by admiring Yanks i.e. you could hear her two rooms away.

Shy children were thought to be suffering a terrible malady that literally needed intervention by child-psychologists at a young age. Parents of shy children were very worried and apologized for their child's social bashfulness as a personality defect. I am talking 5 year olds.

Bragging (boasting) about your children/grandchildren was totally socially acceptable and encouraged by the selling of "Brag Books" small photo albums you carried everywhere to show random strangers on the bus or at the supermarket (maybe outdated by FB etc. now).

Sports mad culture and children started in "pee-wee" soccer/football/baseball/basketball from pre-school years.

Children catered for wherever you went: child hairdressers, party stores, playgrounds, children's menus etc. etc. Every restaurant/store had high-chairs, changing facilities etc. Everyone very welcoming of children, the children were talked to directly and asked about their preferences etc. Any "mean" or overly strict/harsh coach or teacher immediately sacked after complaints from parents.

Many families with three or more kids.

Male Americans wear the same uniform from the age of 2-92. Long shorts past the knee, t-shirt, baseball cap and sneakers.

A lot of anxiety around education and whether your child will "make it" and be a success in a highly competive view of life where there are "winners" and "losers". (I see the same heightened anxiety transferring to the UK)

Germany

Immediately my American children that were considered "so polite" in the US for saying "please" and "thank you" were considered rampaging barbarians in Germany.

Loud children are severely frowned upon here, even being noisy in the park or swimming is a social no-no.

Suddenly my über exuberant 2nd DD was being frequently corrected for being too loud.

Organization is considered to be an innate quality. Children MUST be organized from the moment they enter school (at 6). Teachers hyperventilate if your child forgets the correct book for class.

Children wear huge, expensive, specially designed school backpacks and schlep all their gear and books in and out of school everyday as they have no lockers or anywhere to leave their belongings.

Children from 5 and up take themselves off to Kindergarten or school in the pitch black of winter (possible snow and/or hail) If you walk them to school each day you are not letting your child learn to be independent.

Of course they start school at 7:45 and finish as early as 11:45 to walk back home to eat the hearty midday meal lovingly prepared by Mutti.

Our youngest was 2 when we arrived and I was soon to discover the wonderful world of German tights for boys, helpfully color coordinated in navy, grey or bottle green. Also all children wear hats, gloves and scarves with no complaints. My two year old son found this all way too frustrating and frequently discarded various items of winter clothing before we had reached the bakery across the road. There he outed me as not just a Bad Mother but a foreign one by stripping his coat and sweater off and revealing he was wearing a short-sleeve t-shirt in January. Absolute scandal and horror reigns as German Omas hoik bosoms in unison.

I'm English living in Sweden with a Swedish dp and a 15 month old ds.

in Sweden I am odd because:

I breastfeed ds after a year, the only other people I see doing this are immigrants.

I refused to give ds liquid porridge in a bottle at 4/5/7/10/13 months because I don't see the point when I produce a perfectly good drink for him myself.

I refused to put extra butter in all of ds's food when he dropped from the 98th centile to the 80th centile in weight.

I don't dress ds in full thermal underwear, a snow suit and thick hat/gloves in March if it is +10 (the Swedes dress their kids for the month's expected weather rather than the actual weather on that day)

My son did mostly baby led weaning. Seen as neglect to most Swedes.

I had the occasional glass of whine whist breastfeeding.

If my ds is doing something that is disturbing others or causing a problem I tell him not to do it in a strict voice. This is very frowned upon as "children will be children"

I didn't want to dangle my newborn under the tap to wash his bum when he had done a poo, I just used baby wipes. This is seen as unhygenic.

In the UK I am seen as odd because:

We co-sleep, my sister was horrified and asked how we ever managed to have sex (she asked this at a busy family gathering) I am now pregnant with dc2 so we managed to find ways.

I dress my ds in clothes that are weather appropriate rather than gender appropriate. Even when I buy new clothes I buy the clothes that I think have nice patterns or colours which are often purples/hearts and other "girlie" things. A boy at my ds's nursery regularly comes to nursery in dresses, he has special pink slippers that he wears when he wears one of his dresses as "you have to have pretty slippers when your wearing a dress"

We took my ds skiing for the first time when he was 13 months old.

Ds sleeps outside when possible, even when it is really really cold.

If we are at the park (it has a water play bit) or beach or river I let my son be naked.

I leave ds asleep in his pram outside cafes whilst I have coffee with friends.

Me and dp parent ds equally, dp is currently on paternity leave and dp is just as likely to stay at home if ds is ill (in the future) dp takes ds to playgroup, the park, the Dr just as often as I do.

I lived in the UK for a couple of years when DD2 was a baby, and realised then just how different things were.

In France, we were told never to use sheets and blankets in a cot, as a baby could get tangled up in them, so always to use a sleeping bag type thing.

In the UK, the opposite advice was given - babies could overheat in sleeping bags, so always use a sheet and blanket!

There were many other examples of this kind of 180° divergence, so from that point on, I just ignored the official advice and did my own thing