To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

DD2 aged about 2 yelled at the top of her voice in a packed, silent church at a christening 'BUGGER! BUGGER! BUUUUGGGGEERRRR!!'

DD1 aged 4 at the fruit n veg bit in Tesco which had suddenly become the busiest part of the sodding shop decided to make up a charming song - again very loud, neither of my dds do anything quietly 'mummy has HAIRY HAIRY HAIRY ARMPITS'

When DS was about 3, we were having a meal in a lovely pub with extended family. After finishing his main course DS was getting a bit fidgety in his seat and as the pub was really quiet I let him get down and have a little wander. A waitress came over to us to ask if we wanted pudding. She was mid-20s and quite big with very short hair.
I called over to DS: "DS, would you like to come and tell the lady what you'd like for pudding?"
DS: [Laughs] Mummy, that's not a lady, that's a man!

And when he was about 18 months-2 years, we had a couple of friends round one evening. We were sat with them in the lounge having a nice chat while DS was just having a wander round the flat. And after being in our room he just casually walked into the lounge sucking on a bottle of Durex Play lubricant. OMG, I nearly died of embarrassment!

Shopping in M & S with my son and I needed underwear. DS was four at the time. I picked up a pack of black pants and he shouted out excitedly "ooh buy those ones mummy - they'll hide your skid marks!".

8 month pregnant, DS1 aged 4 and I, in Tesco loudly holding his nose, "Poo, don't go near my Mummy, she stinks!". I had dropped one and the wee shite let everyone know. I was ashamed but overcome with helpless laughter.

I once took my 3 dc to the circus. Before going in I rushed all 3 into the toilets. As we were late I let my dc5 & dc4 go in together while I attended to my dd2. Half way through the show the circus master asked for complete silence as the trapeze artist was about to do a very complicated move. The big top went quiet whilst the acrobat powdered his hands and started the trapeze swinging. All of a sudden my dc4 shouted out "MUM, WHEN WE WERE IN TH TOILET FRED (my dc3) HAD A POO AND NEVER WIPED HIS BUM PROPERLY. I BET HE'S GOT SKIDS NOW.."
I sat there and crawled under my seat. We had gone alone so I couldn't even disown him!!

I once took my 3 dc to the circus. Before going in I rushed all 3 into the toilets. As we were late I let my dc5 & dc4 go in together while I attended to my dd2. Half way through the show the circus master asked for complete silence as the trapeze artist was about to do a very complicated move. The big top went quiet whilst the acrobat powdered his hands and started the trapeze swinging. All of a sudden my dc4 shouted out "MUM, WHEN WE WERE IN TH TOILET FRED (my dc3) HAD A POO AND NEVER WIPED HIS BUM PROPERLY. I BET HE'S GOT SKIDS NOW.."
I sat there and crawled under my seat. We had gone alone so I couldn't even disown him!!

We had to go shopping for bathroom fittings with DC (9, 7, & 7) which was not the easiest of things to do. It was after 4 months of building work, with no family around to help. It was probably one of the most stressful times in my life.

They had already been in trouble for running under the carpet samples at the carpet shop and, after telling them very firmly indeed how I expected them to behave, offered them a bribe of hot chocolate in the cafe of the newly opened diy store when they had behaved nicely.

They were bored by the towel rails etc and I said they could walk round the displays on their own for a few minutes to give DH and me the space to think.

They were returned to me by an officious member of staff. They had been marauding round the bathrooms and jumping in and out of the baths like the three musketeers, with DS in command. I just looked at them, utterly humiliated by their behaviour, and with the tears rolling down my cheeks, said that was it, we could not do shopping any more and would have to go home.

On the way out, the littlest one asked 'Does that mean we don't get any hot chocolate?'

I once took my 3 dc to the circus. Before going in I rushed all 3 into the toilets. As we were late I let my dc5 & dc4 go in together while I attended to my dd2. Half way through the show the circus master asked for complete silence as the trapeze artist was about to do a very complicated move. The big top went quiet whilst the acrobat powdered his hands and started the trapeze swinging. All of a sudden my dc4 shouted out "MUM, WHEN WE WERE IN TH TOILET FRED (my dc3) HAD A POO AND NEVER WIPED HIS BUM PROPERLY. I BET HE'S GOT SKIDS NOW.."
I sat there and crawled under my seat. We had gone alone so I couldn't even disown him!!

My uncle was called up in to the Army at the start of the war when his DS was tiny and didn't really get to see him again for years. The little boy knew his Dad was a soldier but didn't really know what he looked like. As it happened my Aunt lived very near an air base and one day when they were on the bus in to town, lots of RAF airmen in uniform got on the bus. After a pause the little one piped up, in a voice that carried all over the bus, "Which one is my Daddy, Mummy?"

Shameless place marking, these are my favourite threads on here

I promise I will contribute ASAP. DS is only 5 and a half months so it may be a while off

my DS age 3 is a big fan of the cbeebies show Get Well Soon and the lovely Dr Ranj. Once, we were in the supermarket and he points to an Asian man and shouts "it's the doctor, it's the doctor!" I pretended not to hear..

My ds once turned around in his seat at the cinema and said very loudly before the film had started, that man is very FAT!! Very embarrassing.
In tesco, i needs a wee, I needs a wee, muuuuummmmmmmyyyyyyyy ....bit of a pause .. Oh I don't need a wee anymore!! Whilst standing in a puddle. Not nice.

By far theeee most embarrassing was him standing in the open door way of Clarkes, trousers at knees..... Doing a wee on the doorstep for all passers by to see.

In Primark "Look Mum! You can steal this one, it doesn't have any tags on!"

Trying on jeans in a changing room " Mummy is doing a POOOOO!" Assistant: " I bloody hope she isnt!"

Not DD, but looking after DNephew in the pool at Center Parcs,

"That man is FAT!"
"Shh, DN, that's not nice."
"But he is REALLY fat."
"Shh, we don't say that."
"But he is fat. He must know he's fat, why can't I say he's fat?!"

Also, DN adores my DP, always has. We were all out having dinner and he turned to DP and said thoughtfully, "You do love me more than BearsinMotion, don't you DP?"

When DD1 was about 5 we were walking through the BHS sale trying to find something for my mil for Christmas.

My sil held up a top and my DD1 announced 'No thats far too frumpy'

As another lady hurridly put it back and went bright red.

No, i have no idea where DD1 learnt that.

Or DD2 announcing to the entirety of Waitrose that 'I love mummy boobie. soft booby mummy, mwah mwah' whilst yanking down my top. Yes thanks DD2

I have several, courtesy of DS:

He told the doctor that I had said to DP upon first meeting him," do you want to come home with me and have a good time?"

At school - a fairly liberal faith school that had recently got a fairly un liberal new head teacher, that," no mum your husband didn't give you those videos (I was dropping some off to office for next week's school fair), as you're not married and you don't have a husband". Cue much hilarity from office staff, but cats bum mouth from said head teacher

DD sitting in the shopping trolley aged 3. In a booming voice that only toddlers can have.

Mummy shall we have some lime? Daddy likes lime in his gin and tonic

Later in the wine aisle:

Thardonnay (she had a little lisp)
Soving Yon blonk
Bor Dow
Daddy likes Bor Dow

Daddy was a SAHD and had been obviously teaching her wine varieties during shopping sessions. Meanwhile I am labelled as the alcoholic mummy.

My DH's best friend is from Mauritius and basically lives with us..

My DD (2 at the time) was playing with her happy land and there's one little person who is black, and all the rest are white..

She gets really excited and gives it to DH's best friend saying 'its you X! You're brown and you're in happy land!'

He pissed himself though..

My DN when he was 6 announced loudly in a crowded car park, he was going to kick me in the nuts... I quietly explained that ladies don't have nuts and he said ' they do and I'm going to kick you in them.....' (he didn't he was only playing but muchos laughing from me :-)

We were at a steam railway as there was a Thomas the tank engine day out. A relative of mine, then aged about 3, pointed and said (very loudly) 'look, there's the fat controller.' Needless to say, he was not the fat controller. Just one of the dads!

my neighbour is an ex grounds keeper and mows his lawn with one of those manual grass cutters that makes quite a din, as he goes up and down methodically ever few days or so.
One day DS2 and I are in the garden playing...
Cue DS2 loudly 'what is that noise'
Me 'it's the neighbour cutting his grass'
.....by this time my neighbour has stopped..
DS2 Loudly 'if he doesn't stop cutting his grass it will be bald like our patio!'
Me Shhhh! DS2 whilst trying hard not to laugh....
DS2 then looks through spy hole in the fence and adds....
DS2 'He has no hair....he is bald and grey!!'

I have several, courtesy of DS:

He told the doctor that I had said to DP upon first meeting him," do you want to come home with me and have a good time?"

At school - a fairly liberal faith school that had recently got a fairly un liberal new head teacher, that," no mum your husband didn't give you those videos (I was dropping some off to office for next week's school fair), as you're not married and you don't have a husband". Cue much hilarity from office staff, but cats bum mouth from said head teacher

Age 2.5 ds opened the cubicle door where we were changing after swimming (I was naked), pointed at me to a random other person and shouted "look, my mummy's got a baby In her tummy" ( I was 6 months pg).

In Tesco last week "Mummy why does that man have no hair? But whhhhhy? Why does he have no hair?"

I was putting all of my shopping up on the conveyor belt so there was no escape!

Took dd to the Loo's in a busy shopping centre and unexpectedly had to change my tampon. Dd very loudly asking why I'm shooting a rocket into my bottom. Then told the lady in Starbucks all about it very loudly. And the man on the next table.

On the train one day, the conductor was check in tickets. Dd looked at him very seriously and announced my mummy has very big boobies. The conductor laughed and agreed (he looked very embarrassed) so dd tried to pull down my vest and asked if he'd like to see them.

Or the time she decided she only liked going toilet outside and started waiting until we were out to do poos.

I love my daughter really ...