To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

In a car being driven by my brother in law my dd1, aged 7 at the time, proceeded to tell BIL that mummy was naughty nikki and didnt wear knickers!

BIL thought it was hilarious. Mummy however didn't: especially as it wasnt true!!!

The toddler who demonstrated to an entire waiting room full of people how mummy used a sample pot in the bathroom.

They were very amused. Me? Not so much.

We wnt to the coffee morning at our local methodist church last Saturday. DH has met the minister before, I haven't and was politely chatting to him.....until DS (4) sneezes and runs up to me, wiping a long line of green snot down the length of my knee length red coat - literally more than 30 cm long. I didn't know that his nose could hold so much shot. The minister was polite and tried not to notice as I furiously scrubbed at my coat saying "how goodness sake DS, NO! You know you don't do that, you ask for a tissue". I could have throttled him.

This thread is sooo funny! It's got to go in classics. I've pissed myself laughing at this so many times today...:)

My dh was caught out by dd, then aged 2.5. When he's stressed quite often rushing to get to work in the am he mutters 'for god's sake' not quite under his breath. He was just about to lose his temper one morning and dd looked at him, and said with glee 'is it god's sake daddy?' he's been more cheery in the morning ever since then! Dd still loves saying 'god's sake' with relish.

My DS1 aged 3 decided to have a flash at the vicar at our local play group, right in front of the altar. This is a week before he weed on a mat, also in front of the altar, as everyone was getting ready for story time. I tried to mop it up and claim it was juice. No such luck. He piped up
"Mummy it's not juice, it's wee, I've had an accident"

It's a wonder we weren't struck down by lightning...

When I was little my father and I were on the bus to town. For some reason and in a very loud voice I suddenly asked him: "DAAAAD, WHAT'S ABORTION?"

I took my ds out to a very posh garden center last christmas he was one. He had been an absolute angel until we found the christmas section i think the trees and ornaments and silly dancing bears were just too much to bear.

I bumped into some friends who i hadnt seen since college i said hello they both had babies with them i said hello to the babies my friend then said is that your son pointing behind me.

My son who i assumed couldnt get into mischief as he was in his buggy managed to as we all turned around kick a christmas tree over which was about 8 foot tall and full of letters to father christmas into a man who happened to be walking by and knocked him on the floor. My ds then said 'wow' and clapped himself while laughing at the man.

I just said to my friends yes this is my baby before quickly excusing myself to pick up the man, the tree and the millions of letters from father christmas to children that were all over the floor. Luckily the man thought it was funny i was mortified...but it does make me chuckle now

DS was a late talker and we were a bit despairing. His first multiword setence was in the alcohol section in Sainbos. He yelled out really loudly 'Look Mummy.... fosters ! '

More recently he told his nursery teachers, the lady at the Co-op, our friend's mother and [wrings neck] his father 'mummy crashed the car'. (It was only a little bump and I was hoping to keep it quiet. )

Forgot to add Ds3 - who chose the 1 hour where he was visiting the nusery he would be attending to utter
'for fucks sake'
He'd never swore before, other than words we said at home in earshot of Dc, which were very mild and certainly never any with fuck.
I have a feeling my much younger sisters played a part in this :)

I was mortified but the 2 teachers had to turn away while they pissed themselves laughing. :)

In a lift with DD aged about 3. Large lady enters. Suddenly in an extremely loud voice DD announces. mummy that lady has a massive arse.... Not even bum but arse. I could have died.

I was in debenhams with my 3 ds, all under 5 and running me ragged.
Ds1 had been working his ticket all day long and decided this shop would be the place of his finale.
Having had enough and sick of the sound of my own voice repeating 'you'd better behave ds1' I grabbed the top of him arm (not tight but enough of a grip to stop him running away), bent down to tell him - 'I've had more than enough of you today, just you wait until you get home, no tv for you, you're going straight up the stairs to your room'
He screamed at the top of his lungs
'OWWWWWW Mummy stop nipping me, I'm not a naughty boy, I don't want to wait until I get home, Nooooooo' :)
twat

Ds2 while at the christmas play to watch ds1. He was nearly 3 and sat lovely watching until the fairies were introduced. At this point he stood up and proudly declared very loudly
'I don't have a fairy, I have a willy because I am a boy and girls have fairys, not me. Don't they mummy, My mummy has a fairy but daddy's got a big willy, hasn't he mummy' :) :)

He didn't live it down, the teachers reminded him many times when he started the school himself.

The Cub (nearly 5) has recently started putting y on the end of colours so red becomes redy and yellow becomes yellowy as in the sound E. He has a black cleaning cloth (long story) which he takes everywhere and cleans everything with. Just as we pass a person of colour he starts looking at the cloth and puts y on the end of black. I wanted to just D.I.E. Cue long conversation (again) about how changing words can change their meaning and upset some people.

HighlyMortifiedTiggaxx

my ds1 at the age of 4 announced to checkout bloke in sainsburys " did u know my mummys got a big minge!)
I nearly died of embarrassment

I had a the runs and my 6 year old DS told all of his school friends that mummy had diarrhoea cause she ate too many chocolate biscuits. Cheers mate.

When me and my brother was little we went to a Christmas party at the local pub with our mum and my brothers friend.

The entertainment was a magician who asked for a volunteer so we got mum to go up.

He started pulling out those streams of coloured hankies out of her top and at the end of it was the grottiest grayest bra you have ever seen. Needless to say my mum was not amused.

This week my boys came into the office. I was in a packed lift with them and the HR woman said to them, "So you look like mummy and you look like daddy?" To which DS2 said, "No, I look like (the male) Au Pair."

AP was with us in the lift and it was excrutiating while everyone sniggered. Later that afternoon the HR woman came into see me and said (jokingly) "So you're having an affair with the AP??" He would have been very underage at the time...just all very wrong.

And DS2 is the spitting image of his Dad.

Omg! Harrietspy! Absolutely pissing myself laughing!

A short man (prob 5 feet 3-ish) walks by and DS, 3, pipes up loudly:
"What a funny little man!"
Didn't know where to look. We had a chat about talking about people in the street.

A while ago I had the runs and didn't quite make it to the toilet (which in itself is embarrassing enough). While cleaning myself up my dd aged 4 came in and was delighted that 'mummy poos her pants too'. I told her we were going to keep this a secret and she agreed.

The very next day at nursery she announced to the teacher, in front of ALL the other parents who were getting their own children shoes changed that ' mum pooed her pants'. She even turned to me and said 'didn't you mummy, you pooed your pants?'

The teacher, bless her, tried to distract her and said don't be silly at which point my daughter got upset and started crying 'Im not lying mum did poo her pants !!''

Not my finest hour.

We went into tesco and ds was in the buggy reading a magazine we'd bought in the garage. Cue lots of "mummy! We not paid for my newspaper!" Amazed we didn't get stopped by security!

My three year old DD asked very loudly in the packed Doctors waiting room, "will the Doctor look at your lady bits?"

Never again will I explain why I am going to the doctors.....

My son when aged 3 announced in a supermarket toilet cubicle "you Don't have a Willy mummy, because girls don't have willies" no, said I, you're right there so he went on to say, very loudly, "if you did have one I wouldn't see it in all that fur on you!!" of course there were loads of people in there when we came out

My son is only a week old so hasn't had the chance to humiliate me (yet!) but my brother when he was 6 gave my mum the shock of her life when she visited his classroom and saw a story he had written up on the wall. It said "When my dad goes to work my mummy's boyfriend visits and brings her flowers"!! My poor mother nearly fainted and his teacher had a word with him about the importance of not making up stories like that. Karma's a bitch though as he now has a little girl who wants to always stay up and watch TV with him and his wife and they tell her she can't as they are movies for adults. Cue her then telling me "Mummy and Daddy like to watch adult movies"...

DS2 went through a phase of writing big letters with wooden blocks when he was 4-5. When some very uptight relatives came for tea, I was pleased he was occupying himself productively, until I looked down and he'd written an expletive in foot high letters on the floor and said to our visitor, 'This is a word we're not allowed to say.'

I gave my 3yo my handbag to play with out of desperation in the doctors waiting room (they were running really late). She held aloft a tampon to the very full waiting room and asked if I was going to put it up my bottom.

Dd2 was asked at circle time in nursery if she wanted to tell a story to everyone. She got up and said that mummy drank too much wine and fell out of bed, and daddy had to put me back in again. This is absolutely not true but not one of the teachers believed me as I went redder and redder trying to persuade them.