To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

Dd 3ish in the days when the buses had two doors with a double seat in between;we went to get off and dd spotted a very large lady in the seat and took a deep breath. I bent down and quickly picked her up whispering "no, wait til we get home and then tell me!" She nodded solemnly.
Then as we moved to the door leaned over to the woman and said "we are going to talk about you when we get home!"

Ha ha ha ha fantastic!!!

I got told by my dd (4) that she spotted me in the shop 'because of my chin sticks out like a witches chin"

Also while staring in to my face lovingly declared " aren't your teeth like bugs bunnys......"

A few years ago whilst out shopping with ds2 we bumped into footballer Richard Wright. I recognise d him and said to ds2 "This man used to be England's goalkeeper and he plays for Ipswich now!"
Ds2 looked RW up and down and said "I like Chelsea!" One very embarrassed Mumma!!

Decided to take my young children shopping for new clothes, not long after losing a baby late on in pregnancy.
My children held up some baby vests up in the air and shouted across the shop " we could have bought these for the baby if she hadn't died because of you" Try explaining that statement in a non-embarrassing way!

DS who was 3 had an interesting conversation with a neighbour who came asking for a baking tray.

DS "'av you been on holiday?"
Neighbour "No. Why."
DS "You're really brown"
Neighbour "No, Im black"
DS wanders off and retrieves a brown crayon and a black crayon and declares "No. Brown" and gave him a consoling pat on the arm.

I was mortified.

I was with DS (then 3) at the park, started chatting to the only other parent there who was there with his DD. DS comes up to us and asks "is that my dad?". Cue hugely red face from me- I have no idea why he even asked as his dad, my DH, is a permanent fixture!

Aged 3 I told my mum that she had better hurry up and die as the cemetery was getting full

Of course this was on the top deck of a crowded bus in that loud voice that only embarrassing children possess!

DS nearly 2yrs was with me in a toilet cubicle. I had no choice but to change my tampon, unfortunatly the wrapper was quite loud coming off, and after persuading my son i had no sweets? he loudly shouts "Mummy did you just put that up your bottom".
Red faced we exited cubicle to a MASSIVE queue of sniggering women

when Ds2 was about 6 one lovely sunny day we went to the old quarter of the place we live for a walk by the harbour which involved sitting outside a couple of pubs. on the way home we joked about taking our son on a pub crawl... at school on parents evening we got to look at his school work, in his diary for that week he wrote mummy and daddy took me on a pub crawl

My sister loudly announced on a quiet bus 'I have a wedgie!' when she was about two

My sister loudly announced on a quiet bus 'I have a wedgie!' when she was about two

This is a sibling story, my parents went on to have 2 more children when my brother and I were teenagers/tweenagers.

I'm 18, with a new boyfriend, Darren, I though he was really cool and gorgeous, he had long hair and a Beetle.

He knocks on the door, we are going out. My 2 little brothers (5 and 3)run to the door, Darren's hair is catching the setting sun. My little brother pipes up What's your name?

"Darren"

My brother crinkles his nose, confused by this strange man with long hair.

'Have you got a willy or a womb?"

I give an evil glare, which provokes hysteria and both boys go round screeching "willy or womb, willy or womb, willy or womb" hahaha Dareen goes a deep purple colour

I nearly died

I've told this story before, but out for a nice meal with several other families in Pizza Express. I needed to go to the loo, and left DS with the others. He managed to escape and stood at the top of the stairs bellowing down at me "Are you going for a wee or a poo, mummy? A wee or a poo, mummy? MUMMY, A WEE OR A POO?" There was a group of about 10 people trying to make their way up the stair as I tried to get down, with this running commentary echoing round the restaurant.

Aged about 4 and walking hand in hand down the street with my mum, an Old English Sheepdog passed us and I yelled "Look! It's a Durex Dog".

we were in one of those small town clothes shops that sells everything

I had sent ds1 in to try on some school trousers, dd was impatient to get home, (she is the diva of the piece btw) , ds2 in his buggy, I am harassed.

Old ladies are milling about looking at pastel twin sets
Other mothers are looking at school stuff
And the hero of the scene is a very tall black guy who saunters up to the counter to get sizes explained, he was buying stuff for his wife.

it is a very small town NE Scotland, so this guy is not your usual floral blouse buyer.

DS1 is still trying on the school trousers, and DD suddenly clocks this guy and yells "Sam, Sam.....hurry up..... Ainsley Harriot is here come and seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Cue hysterical laughter from everyone and me lamely explaining about Ainsley Harriot and Ready Steady Cook.

The local barbers charges adult fees once the kids are over 12 - it's nearly double and they don't take cards ... I forgot DS1 had turned 13 the previous week, hadn't got enough cash, tried to pass him off as still 12 and was resoundingly outed by DS2 who pointed out loudly and insistantly that DS1 was actually 13 ...

" And how could you have forgotten, Mum, 'cos you complained a lot about his party ... "

Aaaargh. Cringe. Never went back.

"Look at the fat man!" clear as a bell, from three year old DD as we sat on the seafront and a larger lady walked past.

Still laughing...:)

DS2 (age 4) got stroppy when asked to leave a pub garden and shouted "I'm trying to put my FUCKING shoes on".

I blame the builders nextdoor

Just makes you cringe doesn't it? Sometimes they observe more about us than we do!

Dd2 once opened a toilet door, which opened on to a full cafe, whilst i was sat having a pee. All I could do was wave, and never return again.

When she was about 4 she texted a photo of her foof, which she took with my phone to a lady I barely knew who just happened to be the first person my contact list.

Jess

I had come of a slightly ill-tempered phone call with my DH, DS1 was playing quietly in the corner and I heard him mutter to himself "Mummy Daddy Oh for God's sake"

One from me when I was little - aged about 7, I stood behind my DM in the kitchen who didn't realise I was there. She tore off some cling film, and accidentally hit me with the box as she did so - black eye and a little cut from the serrated bit!

Of course I told all my teachers and peers at school that 'Mummy hit me in the eye...'

DS1 used to get his pronouns mixed up and announced loudly in a nice dress shop "Mummy, you've done a poo!". Also, he stank the place out.