To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

Also in M&S changing rooms. 'Where do babies come from Mummy?' Lots of sniggering from the other cubicles.

At immigration in US in a very crowded queue. DD was looking at the form that asked whether we were bringing in 'livestock' - 'do nits count as livestock Mummy?'

After being caught short in the great outdoors, DS1 informed the first hiker we passed 'mummy done a wee on the floor'.

DS had a habit of calling the fat controller fat cont when one day we saw a man who looked like the fat controller and DS screamed look it's the fat cont but it sounded like fat cunt.

Coming out of school and surrounded by a whole lot of children and parents from Dd's year, dd goes:

"Mummy you said I can't ever have X over for a sleepover"

Me: "no I never, X can come whenever"

Dd: "no mummy, you said X's mum told you X still wets the bed and you don't want to clean her wee..."

I screamed inwardly and gave her the "shut. Up" stare. There was a deathly silence all the way home. She knew she did wrong.

In the doctors waiting room. Packed.
Dd2 " mum, you know penises?"
Me: ummm,yes
Dd2: have they got hairs?
Me ( as waiting room drops to silent) umm, yes. Sort of.
Dd2: why?

Man next to me was studiously reading the paper which was shaking with laughter!

DS got into a crowded train compartment and said loudly, "I can't believe we're not traveling first class!". We have never travelled first class

Me aged 4 in the pharmacy across the road from the surgery where my dm was a gp. she was 7 months pregnant with dsis. i turned to her and said at the top of my voice" i didn't see daddy plant that seed inyour tummy"! Cue uproar in the shop and my dm retreating hastily into the dispensary

We were at a party with some friends who are brothers and who look similar. DS (4) kept getting them confused and asked one of them " are you X or Y". He replied " I'm X, Y is the big fat ugly one!!!".
DS the. Turns to another rather large man who X was talking to and said " you must be Y then"!!!! ( he wasn't)

Had to use a public toilet so took DD in with me.I had my period and DD spotted the towel in my pants.Very loudly she said "Mummy why have you got blood in your pants?Have you cut yourself?"....long queue outside when I opened the door!

When DS was younger he proceeded to tell my FIL that" Mummy does loud farts and they sound like this" followed by a very loud raspberry noise.......FIL is a bit straitlaced about things like that!

I took my DS (18 months) shopping and we were in the elevator going to the food court when a girl got in wearing a knee length skirt and stood a tad close to DS's buggy whilst I was talking to my DP when I hear "mummy what's that" turned round and his head was up her skirt and is pointing at her vaj-jay! she was mortified trying to put her skirt down! laughed hard when she got out the elevator as did the other woman!

When our oldest son was about 2, he saw an Asian man at the mall, pointed, and said, "look, Mommy, Jackie Chan!"

Putting shopping through the checkout with DS1 and Ds2.
Checkout lady "ooh you're a big help what's your name and how old are you?"
DS1 "Adam, eight."
DS2 " Luke, six".
DS1 gesturing to me...."and mummy, 39!"

hilarious thread. we should really write a mumsnet book.

my teen who organised me to be the neighbourhood watch coordinator, ha bloody ha! as youngsters we had the stranger talk and I said if anyone tries to grab you shout loudly,' get off you're not my mummy/daddy help help'

of course they did just that to me and dh next shopping trip!

seriously little gits..

also aged about 9/10 they started running up the booze isle chanting 'our mom can't live without red wine!!'

I lost my leg before having my ds, he is now 6 and in year one of primary school. The subject they were talking about one week was family. DS proceeded to stand in front of his class and tell them I had my leg chopped off by a chainsaw! :0

This was a week before sharing assembly, where each child had to stand up and tell everybody about a member of their family. My ds told me "the teacher said Im not allowed to tell everyone about your leg as you might not like it " so in I went to assembly in my wheelchair, i swear all the class had a good look at my leg :) and i fretted the whole way through the assembly hoping ds would remember not to talk about me :) in the end he told them he loves his daddy as he lets him play computer games!

On a tube with DS aged 2 1/2. We'd been to a crazy museum that afternoon and been naming different animals in the large taxidermy display.

I'm knackered and reading something on my phone, not really paying much attention.

DS starts laughing and pointing and saying something. I do the "yes dear" bit. Then he increases the volume.

"mummy mummy look. The walrus. It's escaped!"

I follow his finger, only to look deep into the eyes of the scariest hell's Angel on the planet. Complete with huge handle bar mustache.

I nearly died. I could feel the woman next to me shaking with laughter.

blocking = bollocking

Many many years ago, my DB was in the Christmas choir who were performing at our local church. He was a bit exuberant in his singing and managed to fall off the block he was standing on and lose his song sheets at the same time. So he turned around and started conducting the choir instead. My DM and Aunt were sitting in the pews trying not to laugh too loudly. When they got home they realised that they had taken one of the church's bibles home and so sent my DSis back the next day to return it. Who promptly got a blocking for 'stealing church property'

When dd1 was tiny, we were shopping at the supermarket and she kept pointing to something saying 'chocolate, chocolate'.

She was sat in the trolley and I assumed she would forget about wanting chocolate as we moved isles. Only I realised to my horror she wasn't pointing at a bar of chocolate when she shouted and pointed at someone 'mummy, it's a chocolate man'.
I was mortified

Went to my sons "going back to school thingy" after the summer holidays when he was 13, sullen and uncommunicative. I started speaking to the teacher and he piped up "Mum, why are you talking posh" I wanted to crawl under the table slap his face very hard

DS 5yrs whilst going up the Snowdonia mountain train. It was January and low cloud. Added to that, being out of season, the train was full of retired people. We start going up and then end up going through a cloud and DS says very loudly "are we on our way to heaven?". Cue lots of laughter and the lovely couple sat opposite us saying " I really hope not".

Oh and another one was when we went into a charity shop and I went into the changing room to try a dress on. When I came out DS2 saw me and put his hand behind his back. I went over and asked him to show me his hand. He brought his hand out bedecked in a 1970's style huge plastic retro ring firmly stuck on his finger...........
We had just left the hospital after his paed's appointment which had overrun. I stood there trying to pull it off surrounded by staff. I kept saying "I'm not going back to hospital with him we have just had two hours there!" The ladies were very sweet and got some handcream on it and it then shot off his finger and under a rack of clothes! I gave profuse thanks and apologies paid for my dress and left dragging ds2 in my wake. Not surprisingly they always remember us when we go in there now!