To ask you to tell me a story where your DC have humiliated you...

Sorry, but talking of dwarves, my friends little boy asked after a panto, on the way out, so in front of lots of people and in a very loud voice, "mummy, how do they train the dwarfs?"

She was mortified.

I love this thread!

When I was little, apparently my poor mother nearly died with embarrassed when (presumably having recently read Snow White and the Seven Dwarves), I spotted a dwarf in town and repeatedly yelled in my best embarrassingly-child voice "Mummy, look at the d-warf (couldn't say it properly either!), it's a d-warf!" I gather I was most excited to discover they didn't only exist in story books....

On another occasion, going into Woolies in my home town, I saw a woman with a ridiculous hat and decided to point her out and announce to everyone "Look at that lady's hat! Look! Look at the hat!" It drew quite a bit of attention and my mam was mortified. Apparently another lady, struggling not to laugh too much when the 'victim' scuttled away, took my mam aside and said that, to be fair, I had a point...

Aged about 4 I think, I was taken over the road from my grandmother's house to great aunt Mary's house for tea. She was a dear old maiden aunt with thin veins all over her face, possibly from living by the sea and being out in the gales a lot. There were china tea cups and little cakes and biscuits etc, all quite genteel... I piped up very loudly, "mummy, why has Aunty Mary got a purple face?" Apparently my M tried to get me off the subject, but I wouldn't let it lie "no, but why has she?" [embarrassed]

Not mine but my friend's toddler DS when we were out for a meal. He had a lovely little chat with the waitress when we ordered our food. He asked for some chips. Some time later our food came out, and the waitress said "I'm sorry young man but your chips will be out in a few minutes."

Friend's DS replied VERY loudly "Oh for FUCK'S SAKE!" My friend had serious words with her husband when she got home...

Once when we had gone back home (Ireland) I took DS (who was 4) and DH to show them the local holy well which was in a beauty spot. It is quite a small place but with a giant Virgin Mary statue. There was a couple of old biddies with their rosary beads praying. DS announced loudly 'Who is that scary lady Mum'. And I said 'That's Mary, Jesus's mummy'. At which point DS said 'Who's Jesus? Oh yes he's a friend of Santas'. So marking us out as both Protestant and athiest.
There were some disapproving looks and tutting as I recall.

DS then aged 4 was at his first karate lesson, the teacher was black, DS was clearly not paying much attention in the class and eventually busrt out in a loud voice " mum, why are that mans hands so dirty?"

Near Christmas, when DD was 2yo (a few years ago now, she's nearly 16), we were on the busy High Street, full of Christmas shoppers, in front of Woolworths. I was chatting to a friend, DD was standing next to me. In the way that toddlers do, to get your attention, DD started pulling on my skirt to get me to look at something. I absent-mindedly (as I was chatting) asked her to wait a moment.

The main issue with that was that my skirt had an elasticated waist and DD was tugging on my skirt rather hard to get my attention.

At which point, in a packed High Street, in front of a Woolies with a lovely Christmas window display that lots of people were looking at, my skirt slid down to my ankles, showing off my greying armpit hugger comfy knickers to the world...

I've never worn an elasticated skirt again...

He also pulled down his pants in our local supermarket and proceeded to moon everyone in the aisle whilst doing a little jig!

At a museum recently and my DS aged 5 was playing dress up and had chosen a bee costume. He was running around and buzzing to himself. He then much to my horror started staring at a lady who was sat with her own (much better behaved) son and saying 'Im a bee, I'm going to sting you, bbbbbbbzzzzzzz.' He then proceeded to turn around and back into the poor woman and rub his backside up and down on her arm shouting 'I'm stinging you, IM STINGING YOU, bzzzzzzz.'

Oooh ouch sing

When I was pregnant with dd my dn was just old enough to take an interest and so had asked dsil about how I had got a baby in my tummy, you know the drill, sil obviously hadn't quite gauged things exactly right as dn somehow understood that all women got pregnant with one seed from a man, except very literally a single man - my DH.
When dn's nursery teacher announced her pregnancy this came home to roost with dn very proudly telling the playground parents'X is having a baby, I know how it was made, Uncle Ohbyethen put a seed in her tummy' - there was delighted jokey gossip for weeks! Poor X was told about the misunderstanding and was very gracious about it. I didn't appreciate village life quite so much for a while though.

When the ds's were 4 and 2 I went to Tesco on the way to my mums. I'd come from the gym, picked the kids up from DH when my mum phoned and asked me to buy a bottle of vodka for my sister on the way.

So. There's me in my tracksuit and baseball cap. Two kids who looked like urchins as DH had been in the garden with them all day.

I was rushing, so got a trolley and plonked them both in the main part. Got to the vodka and picked a bottle up. I turned my back for a split second and when I turned back ds2 was leaning right over the edge of the trolley at tipping point and had managed to grasp a bottle of wine.

I lunged and grabbed the wine but couldn't save the trolley. As it went over, the bar caught my knee and took me down with it.

When about 36468 people came running from all directions I was flat on my back in my tracksuit with an empty trolley lying half over me, a bottle of wine in one hand and vodka in the other and two grubby toddlers screaming blue murder next to me from the fright of being tipped out (luckily they were both unhurt).

'Humiliated' doesn't come close. I thought they were going to call ss at one point.

We came back from a holiday in Italy and a week later we were in a Greasy Spoon caff on the way to visit family.

DS shouts over to me at the counter "mum, tell the man we will have bread and balsamic vinegar to start"

I could tell that everyone there staring at me thought "pretentious twats"

Oh, and incidentally on that holiday DS must have heard me talking to DH in our bedroom as he went out and announced to our friends daughter that "mum can't go in the pool yet because of her spiders legs."

DD2, just before she turned two, went through a phase where if we were, say, queueing for something, she'd stick her head under my skirt and yell MUMMY, WHERE KNICKS? NO KNICKS, MUMMY!

DD1, just turned five and playing with the idea of contrasts and opposites, now calls her juice "Kiddy wine".

Harrietspy NewtRipley CaptainHindsight
..... brilliant, just brilliant.
I cannot match any of these - dd comes out with so many random, funny things. But so far (touch wood), nothing embarassing.
HuskyBlueEyes - thanks for starting this thread

I blame Bob The Builder for this one. In Tesco with DD1 she started beeping and shouted "wide load ahead" referring to an overweight woman in the aisle. She had terrible speech but of course said that as clear as day.

Waiting to go through immigration at JFK, there were a lot of ladies in full burka(?). DD2 went into hysterics pointing and running away from "the bad ninjas". Apparently that was fron the Sarah Jane Adventures.

They both watched way too much tv.

My nephew went up to someone and said "my mum doesn't know where you get your money from" ouch!

Had Just strapped ds2 (then 2) into car after a visit to the local park. Doors of car were open and an old lady walks past just as ds pipes up with "ooh sexy lady". Not sure she had ever heard of gangnam style....

Spent some time discussing the differences between girls and boys with DS when he was about 2.6. The next person we saw was my best (female) friend. He greeted her enthusiastically with "Hello C, you havn't got a willy". She was with her dad. He was trying v hard to stifle a giggle. He failed totally when DS continued with "but I bet you do C's dad".

Love this thread - nominated for classics!

Ds2 again. In the swimming pool. In gets a very fat lady and her slim friend. Climbing doyen the steps next to us.

Ds2: (top volume) 'mummy why has that lady got a really big bottom? '

Slim friend:

Me:

'ds you can't say that she might be upset'

At least he didn't say anything else! And we did have a chat after about what is not appropriate to comment on in public!

We were staying at a B&B and decided to pop down to the local shop to get some drinks and snacks. I picked up a six pack of beer when we were in the queue. Cue DD then aged 2, "Mummy juice!". The entire queue cracked up.

Ds2 aged about 4. In a busy department store toy department. I was looking at something with ds1 while Ds2 looked at some stuffed toy rabbits which he loves.

Ds2: 'this is lovely and soft'

Me: 'that's nice dear' or other similarly inane comment

Ds2: 'it feels even nicer on my willy'

Me: looking at ds2 who is indeed rubbing a soft toy rabbit on his willy. With his trousers round his knees
'stop that now ds2'

I think we got away with it...