Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

Oh another one.

I was at a friend's house. There was a dead blackbird in her sandpit, and a blunt knife.

So we cut the head off the blackbird with the blunt knife.

It took ages.

This will out me spectacularly to anyone who knows me from school...

Me and my three best friends at primary school used to save morsels of all the components of our lunch (sandwiches, fromage frais, dairylea trianges, crisps, you name it) and mush it up into a paste inside a pouch of clingfilm.

We would then give it to the teacher to put on the bird table for the birds. We called it 'bird paste' and believed it was a revolutionary new foodstuff for our avian friends. Each lunchtime it miraculously disappeared, so we duly made more - after all, the birds were clearly LOVING it.

Obviously the teacher either didn't put it on the bird table or threw away the rank concoction as soon as our backs were turned. I remember her trying to gently discourage us - she could see our intentions were kind even if our execution was deeply peculiar.

I have no idea why we thought birds wished to consume our lunch in paste form. We even added orange squash to achieve the desired sloppy consistency.

Aged about 8 I used to dance and sing in my bedroom with my cat, not normal kid dancing I thought I could do ballroom dancing. She was always sporting some hideous dress creation I had concocted from dolls clothes.

That was until she bit my nose and clawed my lips. I don't know if it was the dresses I made her wear or the singing but she drew a lot of blood.

I also had a load of posters all over my bedroom wall out of Smash Hits and the like. I used to get changed under the duvet or in the dark in case they were watching me.

Marking.......excellent thread.

I remember people in my class who used to draw with compasses on their arms and do the whole 'blood brothers' thing.

One of us would say ""fork" (or similar) snd someone else would say "off"

My house number was 2 when I was a child. The club thing must have been such a fashion because I called mine "The Number 2 Club"!! Well, it wasn't slang that was used by my parents so I had no idea of the double meaning

LOVE this thread.

When we were about 12/13 we used to go into town and into butchers, pasty shops etc and ask for 'codded beef', and then pretend to get really annoyed when the people serving us (understandably) had no idea what it was.

There was a bush in the park which was hollowed out and you could sit in the middle of it. We decided to make up a club, with membership cards and everything. We were called The Bush Club.

I hope kids today are just as weird as we were it would be such a shame to think they are missing out on the future horror of remembering their teenage years!

I Love these!

I used to pick at my fingernails and the skins round them when in bed, then if it got sore or bled I would make little bandages out of strips of tissue and water and build them up. I'd then aim to leave them on all night or wait until they went quite solid and leave them on the side to dry so I could reapply them the following day! I also used to bite off my fingernails and either eat them or keep them in a little jar...

My best friend used to have a bucket of salt blocks I presume they used to use for the dishwasher in their downstairs toilet and we used to go in there and lick them! The same friend used to insist we went to the toilet together every time

I used to be convinced that I had an amazing singing voice but be coy about it- I would sing the Joseph soundtrack in the car with my mum, positive that it was only a matter of time before she called up an agency and showed them my talent!

About 10/11 years old my group of friends decided that farting was the funniest thing ever. We would have to announce 'silence please' before letting one rip as loud as possible! There's even a video tape somewhere of me as a weather forecaster predicting 'strong winds' and then letting one off... I should really try and track that down and destroy it

Finally, on my second brownie camp i streaked all the way down the corridor, no idea why, just thought it'd be funny! A couple of years later I then streaked around my grandmas garden in the snow for a £1 bet from my Dad... NO idea how that came about!

Aged about 13, trying to impress some spotty youth said I could jump off a row of garage roofs

Oh I did it alright.

Two black eyes and a broken knows later after my face hity knees.

Took forever for the bruises to go and spotty youth would talk to me as I looked awful.

We had an extremely odd thing in secondary school of covering our pencil tins in tippex and then scratching graffiti onto them with a compass (normally whoever we fancied and hated at the time).

Naturally this changed on a weekly basis, so a row of us would be found repainting our tins with aforementioned tippex ready for our next round of compass etchings

I remember having a temp physics teacher in once (extremely good looking young chap that had recently left the army iirc so naturally we all fell in love)

I was dared to mess about with a condom one of the boys had procured to see if he noticed obviously, me being a cocky teen managed to flick it straight at him. I actually cracked my head on the desk as I dived to pretend to be rummaging in my bag for something, probably tippex to paint my tin!

Weirdo..

Coasting!

Tony you weren't called 'Triffid' at school were you? 'Triffid' did that chair thing in a lesson with a fearsome English teacher but ended up passing out!
I can remember walking around Stratford on Avon on a school theatre trip aged about 13 and pretending to be loud Americans with a group of friends.
Also aged about 9 I felt embarassed to say 'please' in a clear voice at the ice cream van and remember mumbling a sort of 'pliz' - weird!
I am sure there are lots more...

Ha Ha.. These posts are so funny.. I had this thread emailed to me this morning from my best friend of 28 years.. saying that she expects me to add to it!!..HaHa cheeky bitch!!..

Too many to mention but makes me feel almost normal now from some of the strange random things I have done:-

I remember being on a long journey, stuck in the back of the car, cruising along the Motorway in dads Ford Cortina, getting smoked out by mum and dads fags and being bored as hell with my crayons and colouring book, and deciding to write HELP on an A4 piece of paper, hold it up against the side window and watch all the other drivers/passengers worried faces as Dad was doing his overtaking, with a look of please rescue me on my little face!. Evil Child!.

Another time, think I was about 6 and my sister about 3, and she was still going through that bedwetting stage. Anyway one night we were made to share the same bed, as we had relatives staying over. I awoke in the night dying for a wee,(ps it was freezing), no central heating in those days and thought really cant be bothered going to the bathroom, so looked over at my peaceful sleeping little sis, cocked my leg over her and pissed all over her private area, she still doesn't know today that I did this.. so in the morning she got bollocked and had no recollection of wetting herself!. sorry Caz! (blush)

Wey Tony!

Ha ha ha thereis

I once clipped a crocodile clip into my nose in a particularly boring physics lesson

The pain lives on in my memory even now. I screamed and screamed and screamed. My friend tried to pull it out, but was laughing too much.

I once ran out of hairspray to set my lovely flick in place in my hair. So I sprayed it with Geminesse perfume. No one would sit next to me all day...

I've thought of a couple of others. I think that my lack of interest in going to clubs stems from these early days howlers. I will probably out myself with these stories too:

I used to dance REALLY enthusiastically at school discos. At the first disco that I attended (I was 11), I was waving my arms around with such wild abandon, that I whacked the passing DJ in the knackers much to our mutual horror.

At the second disco I went do, this time I was kicking my legs around with equally wild abandon. My shoe flew off and ended up behind the DJ area. I had to hobble on over and ask for it back.

I really was an idiot.

Oh some of these are hilarious and remind me what a desperately embarrassing child I was. Some of my deeply nauseating exploits:

• DESPERATELY fancying a lifeguard at the local swimming pool (I was about 14 to his say 21) and asking him out (oh dear GOD, I actually did this stuff) every time I got to the top of the water slide that he supervised. What the hell was wrong with me???
• I had a bit of a crush on a female teacher too (I had a vile step mother so in hindsight, I was looking for a positive female role model - I'll keep telling myself this as it's lessening the embarrassment). When we had our German exchange, we were given a few teachers home numbers in the event of an emergency. I kept calling her with general questions. I recall asking her something at school one time and her saying with heavy sarcasm, "I'm surprised you didn't call me..."
• This one is quite odd. In primary school, we used to sit in a line on the carpet for our afternoon stories. The person at the front would be at the feet of our teacher and would spit on a tissue and clean the teachers shoes (we actually asked to do this....). The people behind would be busy plaiting each others hair...
• I remember drinking some fizzy drink and laughing so hard about something that it all came pouring out of my nose. I was SO cool
• I used to use crimpers on my fringe. JUST my fringe and think that it was cool I looked like a total spanner.
• I once trimmed my eyelashes out of curiosity. When I say 'trimmed', I mean, 'cut them straight across'.

Such an odd child. Relatively normal adult...

Oh, and I didn't melt cheese on radiators, but I did peel the wax off Edam, melt that on radiators and turn them into little dollies. I don't think my mum was best pleased.

I remember getting a sarky comment from the French teacher because she caught me sticking a ruler down my sock. Well, it sorta felt nice, like sticking your hand in a jar of lentils...

I sniffed every mouthful of food before I ate it and got terribly teased for it. Had to actually touch my nose to achieve full satisfaction. Random!

Me and my best mate pulled all the arms, legs and heads off our Cindy dolls as we were opening up a Cindy Meat Factory. We then proceeded to chew up all the rubbery legs while roaring. I must have been about ten. I was very weird.