Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

I remembered another...

I found a lighter once, so when I got home, I rolled up a piece of paper of my mum's memo block next to the phone, lit it, blew it out and then smoked it like a cigarette! I was probably about 13, so really old enough to know better. I just remember it tasted disgusting, and my room stank! I also used to breathe in the smoke from incense sticks. Whyyyyy?!

I remember hating my recorder lessons. I used to just skip the lessons sometimes and promise to practice songs at home, I never did. But decided to tell everyone how amazing I was...

I was made to stand up in school assembly with 2 other girls and play a song. I just pretended to blow into the recorder and move my fingers, I honestly thought I may die of shame.

I used to cut my "my Little Ponys" hair off and hide it under my pillow, because obviously No-one would find it there

I have also just remembered I used to tell anyone who would listen that I was a brilliant ice skater, that I had lessons every week (I'd never skated in my life) and that Robin Cousins was my cousin.

I used to copy characters out of books. I can't remember which book it was but it involved keeping a small child as a pet, so I got one of the younger children from our estate and convinced her it was a good idea to live in our bin cupboard.

I also went along my grandparents street picking flowers from the neighbours gardens then knocking on their doors and selling them bunches of them for 10p.

I used to eat privet leaves and the woodchips out of the wallpaper.

I bragged and bragged about having the last BMX bike to my school friends, I didn't actually have one, it was some second hand shopper type bike and I pinched some foamy pipe lagging from my Dad's shed and put it on the frame and handle bars. We all met up at the park on weekend, I also went on and on about how good I was at BMXing, I performed some weak 'bunny hop' all the pipe lagging fell off revealing a Raleigh Cherry Blossom. I was mortified, it was never mentioned the next week at school.

Balloon - my friend and I used to do the foreign thing too! Once we were wandering the estate, obviously bored, and we knocked on someone's door pretending to be French and asking for directions! They invited us in while they found a map
I had to keep quiet or else burst into laughter but my friend was v convincing and kept up the act for ages!

Roaring with laughter after a rubbish day. Thank you so much!

I used to play a game with my best friend in primary school where we pretended that we were flatmates - one of us was a nun and the other was a daily mail stereotype of a single mum on benefits who was always out getting drunk. There was another one where we pretended that one of us was a patient in a psychiatric hospital, called Maureen and the other one would be Maureen's nurse. The other girls in our class all played 'mums and dads' at breaktime. No idea where we got these ideas from, though I do know I was terrified I might end up poor or 'mad' as an adult so maybe it was a way of making it less scary.

Does anyone else really really want to see Hootloop's guillemot dance?

Best friend and I used to pretend to be "foreign" in the park, talking, no - shouting! unrestrained gibberish to each other and responding as if we understood and were having a conversation.

We used to get lots of funny looks, which we put down to Xenophobia, and not to NuttersInTheParkphobia.

There was a family in our village whose last name was knife. I phoned them up and asked to speak to Mrs Spoon, then hung up. Next my friend phoned and asked to speak to Mr Fork...

I used to pretend I was 'forrin' and speak in a fake accent

My friends and I had massive crushes on these older boys so during break time we used to stand as close to them as we dared. We'd hide behind this pillar and take turns to look at them while. They must have thought we were mad!

There was a tree in my school playground that split in two so you could walk through it. My best friend and I used to pretend it was a time portal.

We'd imagine we had been transported back to Victorian times, go up to other groups of children with astonished faces and say things like wow look at their far out clothes!

Or we'd do it the other way round and pretend it was us visiting from the past. We'd go around the playground clutching at each other in fear and screaming if any of the future people talked to us.

Someone once dared me to phone my dad and ask him if liked Beavers.
I think he might have known it was me.

I only clicked about two years ago what I was actually asking him.

We used to put tiger balm under our eyes in chemistry and then claim there had been a chemical leak.

We also used to burn ovaltine on spoons because it makes a mini firework display. Our housemistress called the police because she thought we were taking heroin. Aged 13.

OMG I have so many of these but will totally out self if I carry on!!!

One last one, we used to make little polystyrene cubes, then stick double sided Sellotape to the bottom and stick a feather in the top, then drop them out the window onto people's heads. That was REALLY funny. But quite demented!!!

A craze went around my sister's school that if you grab the skin around your chin and twist it (DO NOT do this!) it makes a massive bruise, just not straight away. So, of course, everyone was like "yeah right!" and did it.

My favourite part was that one girl's mum said "Where on earth did you get that bruise from?" Girl told her, mum said "Why would you do something so silly?"

The next day the mum had the exact same bruise

In year 5 or 6 a few of us decided it would look really cool if we went around displaying several love bites (must have just watched Grease). we'd do these to ourselves by pinching the skin for ages.

Why??????

I told all my friends my middle name was Chelsea and insisted on writing it on all my school work.

It was not Chelsea. In fact, I don't actually have a middle name

I used to make up very detailed stories on the PC. I cringe thinking that my mum must have read them.

My friend and I had a crush on a boy in yr.6 and we were him a valentines card, sellotaped love hearts in it and dropped it off at his house whilst out riding our horses.

TonytheFish - I did that with a hairbrush. Clearly my face doesn't bruise that much as I never managed to get a bruise.

Stole some sweets from my mum's stash she was saving to give us for Christmas. Instead of just confessing it was me when she discovered some were missing (the fun size Mars) I made up a long winded story about being blackmailed and the police got involved and my school and it was just awful.

My mother used to spend ages doing my hair up until I was around 8ish, when I decided to play with my aunt's round hairbrush. I got it tangled in my hair at the back and couldn't get it out. I left my aunt's house rather hurriedly with my hood up and ran home. Went straight up to my room armed with a pair of scissors and cut out the brush, leaving only the bottom layer of hair at the back. My mother obviously found out. I don't remember the rollicking I had, but do remember sitting in the hairdressers surrounded by tutting old ladies.

I had a lovely Suzy Quattro style for quite a while after that.

reading these and remembering lots of other daft things I did has made me realise that my own offspring have no imagination at all
Pah!

Holly bush sorry