Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

I know most of you were saying you were weird, but I think I was just too much of a wuss to do most of these things!

My friend, my sister and I made up our own exclusive club, we called it ACE which didn't quite actually incorporate all of our initials but we insisted that it did. We didn't really have any kind of focus or aim, we just spent ages and ages working out how our club would work, writing in little notebooks, devising reward and punishment systems for the members with little star stickers and black dots in a book(!) which we usually doled out to DF's sister because she was far too cool for us and wouldn't conform properly to our club rules and, er, yeah. That was the sole extent of our club!

I once bought rizla and smoked tea It gave me a headache.

I recognise myself in so many of these posts! I was such a weird saddo. I wrote songs about saving the environment and had a 'band' which performed them and we genuinely thought we were amazing and were going to make it big with our hits

I was slightly obsessed with a couple of teachers during my time at secondary school - I think I just wanted a confidante as I wasn't happy at home. One teacher wasn't at all freaked out by my slightly stalkerish 13 year old behaviour and realised I just wanted to talk to someone, listened to my problems and stayed in touch when she left the school on maternity leave. She even attended my wedding years later! I remember thinking another teacher I had was really cool and I had my hair cut like hers, imitated her handwriting style and would dress like her on mufti days instead of wearing jeans like all my friends! Complete lunacy. In the latter case I was 15/16 Just shameful.

I thought glasses were really cool and faked poor eyesight by making my eyes go out of focus when I went to the opticians so I could get glasses! I actually have 20 20 vision... what a moron! I also really wanted to have my ears pierced but my mum wouldn't let me so I bought stickers that looked like really fake plastic gemstones and wore them on my ears! These were about the age of 9 or 10.

I am sure there are many many more. How my mother put up with my idiocy I don't know.

I always wanted cheerleader pom poms but never got any

But don't feel too sorry for me, I made a fantastic pair out of ripped up coloured tissues tied together with elastic bands

Aged 12 thinking I was cool I started to smoke.

I can remember the first time I managed to inhale a cigarette properly without coughing a lung up, I was so chuffed I smoked a whole pack 1 after the other. I vomited all over my mates Mams living room floor.

When she got in from work we had to lie and say the dog had done it.

It was a while before I lit another one.

Aged 13 me and a friend went with her parents to Alton Towers and stayed over night. We stayed up all night doing our hair and make up by a really dull lamp light. We went out first thing the next morning relishing in the fact people were looking at us thinking we were gorgeous. We weren't, we were bright fucking orange. In fact we both looked like we had smeared mortar on our faces at a builders yard then dunked our faces in a bucket of brick dust. The 4 thick eyelashes per eye thanks to cheap awful mascara and far too much of it didn't set the look off either. When said friends dad seen us he burst out laughing, weeping "Jesus christ!!!!" in between breaths made us look in the mirror. My face still burns with shame thinking about it.

Noel spitting on the puppies for sale section of the newspaper has made me do a silent laugh and cry at the same time

I sewed my thumb to my pleated skirt in home ec once. I was bored.

I used to bang my head off the door so I would get a bruise and then tell people I had been in a car crash, so they would think we were posh enough to have a car

This made me weep

Okay my offerings....

Covered the bedroom floor with my collection of hard backed Dandy, Beano, Jackie annuals so that I could emulate a 'tap dancing in roller skates' scene that I'd seen in a movie. Knocked myself clean out cold on the bedside table.

Really wanted a dog but parents said no. So I took to sitting on floor with the newspaper open at the Ads page. Looking mournful and, when my parents weren't looking, spitting on the Puppies For Sale section so they would think the spots were my TEAR SPLASHES. Oh yes.
I was mortified when my mum said Stop spitting on that bloody paper I know what you're doing

At senior school, there was a craze of making yourself faint by holding your breath, counting to twenty and then the other girls would press on your chest while you exhaled. Cue brief fainting and OMGing, and general girly knobbishness. Only I took it one step further and pissed myself everywhere, ruining my fake Wallabies.

My parents recently brought round some stuff in a poly bag which they had found in their house. I found an old jotter from OIS (Office and Information Studies) circa 1991. I had constructed a spreadsheet ranking boys out of ten for 'looks', 'clothes', coolness', 'personality' etc.

It totally reminded me of what being 15 was like.

Did anyone else hang around houses that smelled like they were bbqing in the hopes that the occupants would come out and offer you some food?

Myself and a boy in my class drew fake felt tip pen moustaches on our faces about 7/8 yrs old.

Teacher spotted his and made him stand in front of the class to laugh at scold him (b*tch), I was terrified of the same fate and faked a sudden cold which necessitated a hankie being held to my nose the whole day.

Strangely the next day I had no cold but a faint felt tip moustache on a very red top lip, teacher must have struggled not to piss herself at my numptiness.

was on holiday with a friend once and desperately needed a poo. We'd been on a beach all day with no trace of a public toilet. So I went in the sea and did a poo there.

Me and a best friend wanted braces for our teeth so made some out of a thin silver bracelet bent in half and wore them at school all day! Yes to the bad perms and fake tan.

I had a crush on a neighbour and remember putting on one of my mums nighties and leaning backwards out of the window of my bedroom blowing kisses at him. I also stalked him by shining a torch at his bedroom ceiling when I was in my garden feeding my guinea pigs. I can't understand why he never fell for me

Me and same best mate did a no smoking campaign for no reason and stuck home made stickers on neighbours front doors and cars with a poorly drawn fag with a red line through. We had regular stalls to collect money in our Barnardos boxes and kept the money for sweets.

We also took some bird eggs out of a next as we thought they had been abandoned. I put them under my angle poise lamp to hatch them. Poor things probably roasted . We were planning on days off school to rear our baby chicks.

I LOVE this thread

I was a weirdy weird kid

Was convinced I could sing like an angel and tried out for everything singing related.

I followed two principles; sing as loud as you can and as high as you can. This included when wearing headphones as I was convinced if couldn't hear myself then I was too quiet.

At about aged 20 I recorded myself singing Christina Agularas Beautiful.

Oh my fuck, It sounded like a bunch of alley cat fighting

Turns out the there was a reason a large gap was around me in assembly and it wasn't be ause everyone was awestruck by my lovely tone.

OMG I am dying of embarrassed recognition of so much of this.

I salute the poster who invented spacehopper show jumping. Respect.

I very seriously played tennis against the wall with a plastic toy frying pan, with incredible commitment particularly at Wimbledon time, pretty sure that I would be seen (alone, in the back garden of a suburban semi) by some kind of youth tennis scout (who would have hopped over the next door neighbour's red hot pokers and waded through our rhubarb in search of the rising generation of tennis stars)

I wish there were a word for a certain sort of romantic seriousness of girlhood. The kind of emotional spirit of all the Noel Streatfield books, and The Little Princess, and things like that. That whole horsey / tennisy / ballety / nobility in adversity / genre of .... thing. What is it? What is the name of that feeling you are channeling when you are so sure your plastic frying pan is a tennis racket and the net curtain tucked around your pants is a tutu?

Love these, I forgot how weird I actually was

We were inspired by Anthony Andrews in Ivanhoe to try jousting. On bicycles with bean poles.

Mama was not happy.

Another show jumper here Balloon and Kerry - bikes were of course horses, we had a course in my friend's garden that we just used to run round - like child dog agility. We also used to sit in the back of the car, with the window open an inch or two so we could lead the imaginary horses behind the car

Ha ha Balloon I can sympathise...I used to do rising trot on my bike and then go 'into canter' which must have looked like I was sexing my bike!

Sometimes my bike even shied and I had to bring it under control going 'whoahah, shushhh'

In the 1970s, show-jumping was massively popular.

My sisters and I were all horse-mad and all had a riding lesson once a week but that was it.

We had, however, two spacehoppers. (Anyone know where this is going yet?)

We discovered that we could jump/bounce quite high on them.

And so the sport of Spacehopper Showjumping was invented.

We had a course of jumps in the garden to rival Wembley. We would say "Ding" and someone would start their round riding their favourite steed. The usual rules applied, four faults for knocking one down etc.

I am not sure whether there was a "round the clock" eliminator in case of ties or not.

I suppose The Youth Of Today have showjumping apps on their Iphones. . .

I have done a billion embarrassing things.. let's see..

I had a thing for a couple of months when I was about 7 of being utterly obsessed with wanting my own 'grown up boobs', so was often to be found tottering around in my mum's high heels with big balls of tissue paper stuck down my jumper

One of our science teachers in secondary school had severe halitosis, so naturally we nick named him DeathBreath, and sent him a packet of polos in a Valentine's day card - mortified thinking about that!

Oh, and I had this thing for practising walking down the aisle (in my rather small bedroom so would have to do several regal u-turns!) The icing on that particular cake was that I had to do it to Phil Collins' Groovy Kind of Love. Singing it, full blast.

I think I thought I'd be this breathtakingly ethereal bride with the voice of an Angel and the congregation would be suitably awestruck.

I'm pretty sure I also did with my tissue fake boobs and a net curtain on my head too.

When I was much younger I used to put crayons up my nose. Only blue ones though.

When in secondary school the cool kids all had glasses so I made my mum take me to the optician and blagged the whole way through to get glasses. Think the optician must have thought it rather strange that both the long distance and short distance lenses both made so much difference to my eyesight.

yolo I fancied our Design Tech teacher and would deliberately leave the aprons we had to wear undone so he'd come by and tie it for me In the sixth form we were actually mates, once we all understood he was very gay and happily living with Steven!