Things I still wonder why the hell I did that as a kid...

This has to go in classics

I did loads of ridiculous things.

After being invited to an ice skating party age 11 I decided to lie and say I was training for the Olympics and made myself grade certificates to 'prove' that I was as good as I told everybody.
It all went a bit wrong when once at the party I couldn't even stay upright on the ice.

Another time I decided I wanted to learn calligraphy, begged DM for a set which she got but told me to wait till the next day to try it. I couldn't wait so went to bed and secretly did it that night but I must have been tired and fell asleep as woke up next morning covered in red, green and blue ink. I hid my pjs and blankets under my bed and hoped nobody would find them. Three months later DM did and she was livid.

I went through a phase of writing extremely embarassing love letters to somebody famous that I had a crush on. Lots of letters which DM found and read out at the dinner table. I was mortified but she was so angry that her 12 year old was writing to somebody pretending to be a 17 and a half (I thought the half bit made me sound mature!) year old model who loved surfing and could sing and play guitar so could join their band

Aged 15 I had to go to hospital after burning my face quite badly with toothpaste. I had spots but also v sensitive skin and read that toothpaste helped get rid of spots. I covered my whole face in it one night, went to sleep and woke up in agony. Most of my skin came off and all round my mouth was a weeping sore mess for weeks.

I could go on but its all to embarassing!

I stole a Mars Bar from the village shop, then, overcome by guilt, put it back 30 mins later. I was eight.
I ran a betting shop from my bedroom, aged around nine; Monopoly money, cardboard visor painted green, did tic tac. Sadly, no punters.

I once decided I wanted to look like Aunt Sally from Worzel Gummage and drew big red cheeks on myself with my mums expensive lipstick. I ended up with a rash that looked ridiculous but didn't 'fess up about what I had done so ended up with a day off school as a result!

I used to wee in my dusty bin, no idea why. The bathroom was literally feet away.

Stole a black short curly wig from the drama props at primary school. Felt horrendously guilty immediately but still used to wear it and parade around my bedroom posing at myself in the mirror till the guilt got the better of me and I chucked it.

On a school trip aged 11 we went canoeing. I got bored and for no good reason decided to 'roll' the canoe to see what would happen. I got very fucking wet and cold! It was March and freezing ffs!

Pretended to be American at primary school for ages. Without even attempting an accent, just insisting that I was and refused to admit otherwise.

I'm sure there's lots more...

So many.

Dangerous ones were coming down a massive hill / main road with no hands on my bike, playing on a building site, going on a field motorbike and getting in cars with boys who had possibly been drinking and us all squeezing in with no seatbelts.

I also spelt my name wrong on loads of books at school and told the teacher it was because I had Dutch ancestors . I also told the same teacher that I was colour bling and kept the act up for the next 4 long years.

I once wore my arm in a sling at school for days for absolutely no reason.

I fancied lots of inappropriate men and never fancied boys my own age. Ended up repeatedly snogging a man aged 26 when I was 17 and thinking he was the best thing ever when actually he was a bit of a thug.

Told men on nights out I was called marianne? My friend was Gwendoline (actually Rebecca) . No reason.

My best mate and I used to go for walks along the beach at midnight (sneaking out of bed) and collect random bottles / bricks / shells an fairly regularly walking across the river estuary when the tide was out right over the quick sand and hoping for the best.

When revising for my GCSEs I was desperate to be seen as so unbothered about the exams I would get up at 5am and study solidly until 3 so that I could then tell my mates I'd only got up at 2 and spend the rest of the day dossing around with them. Why?!?

Oh and I had pet garden snails that I kept I a little tin for travel and a glass jar with holes in the lid at home. I took them into school once, on year 3, and hid them in my tray all day. I'm not sure how long they lasted. I fed them lettuce and dock leaves.

I don't think I've cried with laughter at a thread in months!

As a kid, I used to melt cheese on radiators then eat it.

Throw books in our pond then fish them out a d leave to dry and pretend they were antique

Steal sweets from the shop As always hungry (deprived childhood). Once I stole what I shought were sweets. Ubwrapped one, shoved in my mouth. Turns out it was a stock cube

I'm sure there's more!

On a Saturday morning, when I had a lie in, I used to throw off the duvet and imagine I was homeless and sleeping rough. Then I'd imagine I'd been adopted and flog the cover back on. So weird.

Everyone should be made to read this thread before posting on 'AIBU to think my child is .......'

My BF and I set up an animal funeral service. Mostly bumble bees and moths but the odd dead bird too. Made little crosses out of lollipop sticks. Picked flowers for the graves. We gave everything a name and recorded it in a book. Can you imagine what her parents thought 'what did you play with today dear?'.

Botero that is hilarious!

Jupiter I have nominated it I hope MNHQ pick it up :)

Is this in classics yet?? Funniest thread ever.

We always used to ring the sex line too, 0800 28 29 30 or something like that? We asked what pubes were mostly.

Rode to school every day on my imaginary horse called milkshake.

Me and my friend once emailed to our very innocent, very Christian colleague picture of a naked guy wearing Santa hat and holding his massive, erect penis. Email tittle said Happy Christmas. What we didn't know was that she had to check her emails in front of her mum to ensure there is no inappropriate content...She got banned from internet for a month and didn't talk to us for couple of weeks. I don't think she ever forgave us

Aged about 9 I was banned from going in the maze at Hampton Court Palace on a school trip because I hadn't drawn an adequate tudor rose the week before in class (I really did try, but I had rubbed bits out so much it just looked like someone had scribbled on the paper).
So when the rest of the class were exploring the maze I was left to sit on a bench. Instead of waiting patiently I secretly followed them but of course got lost. After what felt like an age I heard people calling my name from every direction and knew i would be in trouble, so in my infinite wisdom I decided to lie on the ground and pretend to have passed out. Once my teacher finally 'woke' me, I pretended I'd had a seizure (my brother has epilepsy, I don't) whilst waiting on the bench and had staggered into the maze to get help. Whilst walking back to the coach (which was now very delayed) with every one staring at me, I kept doing weird sort of shaking movements and rolling my eyes into the back of my head. I had to go to so many doctors appointments after that.

I also remember, aged about 10 being caught 'sniffing glue' (pritt stick) under my desk in school and making faces as if I was high. God only knows where I learnt that.

Absolutely crying at Noel and Queen. this thread is fantastic.
I think I genuinely, not ironically, but really, admire the imagination and resourcefulness shown by so many on this thread.

Trunchbull that book you got inspiration from must have been 'What Katy Did'!

I am so happy I wasn't the only odd child.

I am still embarrassed that I forced my new secondary school teachers to read my "novel", which was really 30 pages of A4 stapled together and written in Microsoft Word, complete with hand-drawn illustrations. One of the illustrations was of the main female character running away from her hostage castle after she found her evil guardians dead, surrounded by dirty needles and drugs [eek]

Can't believe my Dad encouraged me to get my teachers to read that one

We also used to do the prank phone box call thing. My brother (he was 10 at the time with a very high-pitched voice) got through to a sex helpline advisor who told him that he could liven things up in the bedroom by "putting fresh sheets on the bed and buying brightly coloured condoms"...well it was 1995.

I think we stopped the prank phone calls after that.

You lot are all weird

(Cos I didn't spend a few months when I was 3 pretending to be a dog who had to be taken for 'walks'; or make a heart out of polystyrene to give to the boy at school on valentines day - junior school; or regularly put some dark grey eyeshadow under my eyes and try to act mysterious about going to (imaginary) parties and not getting much sleep - aged 16!)

And I am so normal!

QueenBean

Nb. Just to be clear, the final point relates to me and my friends, not me and my dad. I'm weird but not that weird

I once hid someone's flute deep within the clarinet section of the music cupboard and then showed up to "help" and miraculously found it.

Genuinely absolutely no idea why I did that - possibly to show what a useful sort I was?! (This was after music practice, I think that's about the least badass thing anyone has ever done).

I also really needed a poo when at my friend's house but their bathroom didn't have a lock so I just held it. I was having such a nice time I thought the feeling would go away. Unfortunately I then had explosive diarrhoea all over their cream carpet instead (which apparently is made worse by rubbing it with toilet paper. Who knew?). My dad had to come and pick me up. That was a pretty awkward car journey home. Apparently aged 13 or so I should have known better.

We also went through a phase of weeing in fairly public places, and on occasion filming it. WHY WAS I SO WEIRD?!!

Oh my goodness Bertie I smoked tea as well, we burst open tea bags and poured them into rolly papers there were 3 of us and we thought it was illegal haha, we jumped every time we saw a police car for months.

I've been thinking about which particular weirdnesses I should add to this thread and remembered my finest hour...

I wrote nasty (Mallory Towers inspired) anonymous notes to myself and reported them to teachers. I did it on and off for terms, and then again at secondary school! They must have thought I was such an idiot. I'm a teacher now and wonder how I'd react to a child doing this.

Poor little me. Just seeking attention I suppose.

Needlework lessons were so boring, I used to sew my fingers together. At least it made our teacher scream.