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Original poster

Things you never hear a toddler say

319 replies

Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 16:44

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

OP posts:
QueenOfAllBiscuitsandMuffins · 23/02/2014 14:17

Yes of course I understand that going for a poo must be difficult when I am sitting on you, arms around your neck, refusing to let go and crying at the same time. I will just wait outside until you finish shall I?

ZingSweetMango · 23/02/2014 14:11

"Now that I'm sitting on your lap I'll stop crying for you Mummy.
You are already holding and hugging and kissing me so I admit there really is no point screaching Mummy, mummy, mummy anymore"

tinypumpkin · 23/02/2014 14:08

Always good to know you are not alone.....

Yes, whatever I did originally ask for lunch is what I would still like and eat. No I won't change my mind and have a tantrum because you know won't prepare a second lunch.

Of course I will tell you that I hid your swimming card in your dress pocket immediately. Obviously I won't let you empty all of your bags in reception twice having already dragged everyone back to the changing room again. I won't deny all knowledge of having had it.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 23/02/2014 13:53

'I won't get every single toy I own out then make a fuss because there is not one clear patch of floor to play on'

'No I won't put my soft body baby doll in the bath, then moan because I can't take it to bed because it's soaking wet'

OP posts:
ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 23/02/2014 13:46

I'll just sit there nicely and watch cbeebies while mum drinks her coffee. I can tell she's in a lot of pain so I definitely won't whack her in the arm with a toy digger and demand she makes it go. And I will eat all my lunch neatly and not to throw it to the cat before wailing that I'm hungry.

EmotionalCrotch · 23/02/2014 13:31

No I am not bored so of course I shall let you watch TV in peace.

Oh you need the toilet. I shall wait downstairs playing with my toys.

Night Mam.I have tidied all my toys away while you did the dishes and I am so tired I am going to bed now.

I think I will have a lie in tomorrow.

scottishmummy · 23/02/2014 13:31

Actually yes,you're right mum

PinkPeanuts · 23/02/2014 13:26

Oh, I can't take home this dolly that belongs at nursery? No problem, I'll leave it here for the other children to play with without flinging myself on the floor and wailing when I'm asked to put it down. After all, it doesn't actually belong to me so of course it makes sense for it to stay here. I'll just play with it tomorrow instead.

scottishmummy · 23/02/2014 13:21

My snottery red faced howl is a disproportionate reaction to being asked are you hungry

scottishmummy · 23/02/2014 13:18

Please may I have a hankie to wipe my manky face
Ok,I'll just nip into bed for a wee nap.you're right I'm tired

Mycatistoosexy · 23/02/2014 13:13

That's right Mummy, I am tired from walking. I'm just going to pop right in the pushchair now, much better than sitting on the wet pavement screaming like a banshee.

PinkPeanuts · 23/02/2014 13:08

What's that you say Mummy? No? Ok, I absolutely will stop doing this very dangerous/silly/noisy/irritating thing right now without you having to ask 1 millio times.

YarnyStasher · 23/02/2014 13:02

Spychic hahaha! Your toddler sounds hilarious :)

cheerfultrail · 23/02/2014 12:55

I will behave at nursery (where I am apparently a little angel) as I behave at home (mess making bundle of demanding energy) and like the angel I apparently can be at home.

cheerfultrail · 23/02/2014 12:49

I agree that by now I really ought to be able to entertain myself and not beg you to play with me every second in a really "in your face" way.

Viviennemary · 23/02/2014 12:42

I haven't got any questions
I an going to play quietly and not ask for anything when my Mum has a splitting headache.

SleepPleaseSleep · 23/02/2014 12:38

Kasterborous, we don't get exactly that too! Today we've not had -

"Yes I see that you can't read two books at once and as we've just read mine I will stop pushing it into your face and listen quietly while you read little brother's. Then we can read mine' (I am very glad that they both love their books).

Ds - ' no I don't really need to bother big sister while she's playing beautifully with her beads and bags and singing. I have my own toys right here.' Dd- 'well, I understand that little brother is just curious and can look at / breathe on / maybe touch my beads without me believing they are henceforth irretrievably tarnished. In fact, he can have one of my several strings of beads too and we can play dress-up together.'

Original poster
Kasterborous · 23/02/2014 12:22

'Thankyou for spending ages putting my train track together for me, I won't immediately take it to pieces and then say 'oh no broken'.

OP posts:
happyyonisleepyyoni · 23/02/2014 12:14

I don't mind either way Mummy?
What would suit you best?
No problem!

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 23/02/2014 12:05

'Ooh, are we going to see the lovely dentist that is oh so patient with me and provides so many distractions whilst I scream my head off and refuse to sit in the special magic chair? Well, I can't wait, let's go!'

ZingSweetMango · 23/02/2014 11:53

"I'll wait, no problem"

Spychic · 23/02/2014 11:51

Feed my baby brother from whichever side you want, mum, it's your body. I'll just take whatever's left, since breastmilk is his main form of nutrition and I'm fully capable of eating solids. If you want to use the good boob on him and leave me with the crappy one, I won't try to bash his head in while shouting Not the left one, not the left one!

Original poster
Kasterborous · 23/02/2014 11:39

'Of course I will wear my hat, so I don't complain when my ears get cold and my hair blows all over the place'

'I will put my sun cream on without any fuss and stand still while you do it, after all I don't want to get sunburn'

'Of course I won't wipe my face/nose all over you/the furniture'

OP posts:
RobinSparkles · 23/02/2014 09:52

No, you're right, I don't need to take all of my toys on our journey. I'll just take one or maybe I'll leave them all at home and just play with them when we get home!

SoftSheen · 23/02/2014 09:47

Is it really only 5 am? No problem, I'll just lie here quietly and let you go back to bed for a couple of hours.

It really doesn't matter which hairband/hairclip I wear and there's certainly no need for me to spend half an hour choosing one before changing my mind 20 times.

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