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Original poster

Things you never hear a toddler say

319 replies

Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 16:44

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

OP posts:
Original poster
Kasterborous · 24/02/2014 22:22

DD once, just once asked to go for a nap! I was really excited, we got to her cot and she refused to go in it. I thought it was too good to be true.

OP posts:
BasketzatDawn · 24/02/2014 22:07

'Mummy/daddy dear, I appear to have chucked my new shoes/gloves/glasses/one of my socks over the side of the pram/buggy. I thought it would be helpful to tell you before we got a mile up the road'.

TiredyMcTired · 24/02/2014 21:50

You can have 5 minutes peace as I can see you don't feel well! I'll entertain myself.

I don't want to know Why

I understand the portable potty is for emergencies (and I should really go when you tell me mummy) I shouldn't fool you by saying I need a wee and then doing an enormous stinky poo in it while Mummy is in a posh shops changing rooms.

Why on earth would I want to howl like I'm being murdered when you try to put cream on my rash? Ridiculous notion!

That's not mine? Oh, OK then!

Oooooo Mummy, my dinner looks delicious!

I don't want to watch telly, it's boring.

ClovisWrites · 24/02/2014 21:48

"Oh I'm sorry, you're on the loo, I'll give you some privacy."

Smartiepants79 · 24/02/2014 21:47

Of course it's fine if Daddy comes and sorts me out in the middle of the night. That's just fine Mummy, you stay in bed.

And following on from that...

Why would I need you to put my duvet cover on, find my snuggle... After all I am 3 now.

hoppingmad · 24/02/2014 21:31

Noarguements, I have 2 toddlers, a teen and a preteen and sometimes I forget which is which with the way they behave!

Original poster
Kasterborous · 24/02/2014 21:12

norarguments there is a thread at the moment on what teenagers will never say. It's where I pinched the idea for this thread from.

OP posts:
noarguments · 24/02/2014 20:16

Toddler days are long gone, but these are making me howl.... mind you I could probably start a thread of things you'll never hear a preteen or teen say either - astonishingly some of them are similar.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 24/02/2014 19:57

Sounds like he had a good time at the wedding Bakewell!

OP posts:
leftangle · 24/02/2014 19:40

You won that game. Well done Mummy!

bakewelltartandcustard · 24/02/2014 19:12

Oooh yes, I'd love to be a pageboy in a cute little suit. I won't drop the rings or take my trousers off in church, I'm a big boy now.
You can photograph me kissing the bridesmaids and this time I won't drink everybody's dregs and throw up.
No, I don't need to take my digger and my fire engine and 4 Macdonald's toys to the wedding.

HoneyandRum · 24/02/2014 18:26

*paraphernalia

HoneyandRum · 24/02/2014 18:25

Yes mummy I'll get straight in the car, there's absolutely no need for me to lug two bags and a bucket of soft toys and paraphalia with me everywhere.

Alternatively, it is absolutely fine with me if you carry them to speed things up a bit.

Original poster
Kasterborous · 24/02/2014 17:27

'Please don't tickle my shoulders I hate it' (DD has been saying all afternoon 'tickle my shoulders Mummy' then laughing her head off) Grin

OP posts:
BlueChampagne · 24/02/2014 16:56

Yes, I do understand that your money is finite and you can't buy me every toy in the shop. After all, where would I put them?

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 24/02/2014 16:09

Yes, I totally understand why you won't give me another tuna sandwich after I ate one bite of the first one and then threw the whole thing down for the dog. I will not scream 'More!' and cry. In fact, I will eat the tuna sandwich nicely from now on. That means you won't have to try me with a bit of last night's dinner instead. However, if you did try me with last night's dinner, I would eat it at once and not arch backwards to get away from it while screaming 'No!'.

Why would I want to stand on your knee and bounce while you eat your lunch, having totally given up on trying to get me to eat anything? That sounds silly. So does pulling your crumby plate out from under your sandwich when you aren't paying attention to me, causing you to drop tomato down your front.

MrsSparkles · 24/02/2014 16:05

Yes Mummy - of course Daddy can put me to bed/in the car seat seat/give me my bath.

I agree it's a very good idea to turn the TV off for while

I think I've had enough chocolate for today.

Although I am obviously very lucky as my toddler does say I'm tired, it's bedtime now mummy.

LaGuardia · 24/02/2014 15:53

'Yes, Mummy, as it is someone else's garden I had better not walk on the flowerbeds'.

MrsNutella · 24/02/2014 15:53

Oh I see, that is raw minced beef that you are going to cook for dinner. Yes, you're right, it isn't a suitable toy for me. Why on earth would I want to play with raw meat?!

Yes trying to climb into the kitchen cupboards is dangerous. I won't do it anymore.

PseudoBadger · 24/02/2014 15:30

I'm tired, so I'll just go to sleep then :)

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 24/02/2014 15:27

"Yes Mummy, I understand that my older brother wasn't put on this Earth purely to be at my beck and call every time I need help with my iPad game."

"Yes, one can really have too much of Ben and Holly".

"Please may I retire now as I'm feeling a little fatigued...". Ok, no one talks like that, but you get my drift.

LOVE his thread!

Original poster
Kasterborous · 24/02/2014 15:26

'I won't unravel the entire loo roll while trying to pull a piece off for you'

OP posts:
kaffkooks · 24/02/2014 15:23

"What I'm eating is a lot better than what you have on your plate."

"I will explain exactly what is bothering me so as you can help sort it out."

"Yes, of course you can go to the toilet on your own while I play with my toys."

ThomasLynn · 24/02/2014 15:01

"Oh, Mummy, you look exhausted! I'll go to bed nice and early so you can have lots of sleep."

"Mummy dearest, I have been a good little girl and allowed the cats to eat their breakfast unmolested. I even stopped the bossy one from eating the stupid one's food!"

"It's alright, I won't do a tiny little piddle in my knickers and then scream for a nappy so I can do the rest. I'll go in the you-beaut potty you took me to Toys'r'us to choose in the hopes that I'd cease this ridiculous behaviour."

"You've not finished your tea. I'll leave you alone until you stop looking like a pink-haired zombie."

Original poster
Kasterborous · 24/02/2014 14:15

'Of course I will share my chocolate with my fellow toddler'

OP posts:
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