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Original poster

Things you never hear a toddler say

319 replies

Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 16:44

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

OP posts:
PotsofGold · 22/02/2014 18:01

I'll play with this toy and my brother can play with that one.

Lets hold hands, we are next to a busy road.

Shall we stay inside all day? Its very bad weather out there.

Wasting food is bad. I would never throw my food onto the floor.

Contemplates · 22/02/2014 18:01

Please can I have vegetables?

Ledare · 22/02/2014 17:59

Time to leave soft play? Okay, shoes on!

poopooheadwillyfatface · 22/02/2014 17:57

I don't want to know why.

of course my favourite trousers I liked a year ago don't fit me any more

It's cold today so I don't think I should wear shorts and a thin t shirt

no, I don't like eating stale duck bread.

yes I think an early night would do me good

addictedtosugar · 22/02/2014 17:53

See, mine would ask for fruit over nearly anything else (perhaps thats how bad my cooking is Grin.)

But, "yes Mummy, I understand that just because my big brother can manage something doesn't mean I can because my legs are smaller than his."

SleepPleaseSleep · 22/02/2014 17:51

'You're right, I really don't think my winky [penis] will fall off after all if I let go of it'

OtherBarry · 22/02/2014 17:50

It's ok mum I know what you're doing because you just told me, I don't need to ask you over and over again every 5 seconds. And please don't make me porridge no matter how much I beg for it as I don't even like it really.

SleepPleaseSleep · 22/02/2014 17:47

'You know what, you're right. Trying to eat stones from the driveways is really silly. And eating sand? Horrible tasting and I can't get the grittiness out, I won't do that again. And again. And again.'

And additional - 'my dinner really would be better than any of this'

SleepPleaseSleep · 22/02/2014 17:41

Laughing out loud here.

How about, 'oh the car moves does it? Better not climb on that then. After all, I've only fallen off it half a dozen times today alone'

fryingpantoface · 22/02/2014 17:30

Being fair, ds1 left his piece of cake with lunch.

now he's saying "please-@ a mum, have some cake?".

so adding "no i won't turn down food and then hours later ask for the exact same food"

HandMini · 22/02/2014 17:26

I can see you've spent time and money preparing a nutritious meal for me. I'll definitely give that a try.

WaxingGibbon · 22/02/2014 17:25

Get back into bed, you say? Yes of course. Good night!

ScooseIsLoose · 22/02/2014 17:25

I quite fancy a lie in tomorrow and you look like you could do with the rest mummy.
I would much rather have water than juice thank you
can I have some fruit for pudding please?

TaraLott · 22/02/2014 17:18

Disestablishmentarianism.

ZenNudist · 22/02/2014 17:17

Now that you mention it I do need a wee, I'll just stop what I'm doing and go now.

Chocolate? No thanks.

Thanks for letting me play on the iPad. I'll put it down nicely and not kick off unholy hell at being told I've had enough.

WaxingGibbon · 22/02/2014 17:12

Ok I'll just sit quietly in the trolley while we go round tesco

Original poster
Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 17:12

'Of course you can go for a wee in peace'

'Yes I will come and put my clothes on and not run around naked and wee on the carpet'

'Yes I will stop throwing myself all over you and the sofa while you try and drink a cup of tea'

'If you don't take my trike I promise to walk all of the five minutes to the park and back and you won't have to carry me at any point'

OP posts:
WaxingGibbon · 22/02/2014 17:10

I've had a lovely time but it's getting late and I think it's time for the play date to finish now. I will see my friend again soon. Thank you for having me. Good bye!

Mercedes519 · 22/02/2014 17:06

No you're right mummy, jam doesn't go with cheese and absolutely I agree it would be a waste of food if I insisted on having a jam and cheese sandwich and then didn't like it.

lunch. Sigh

WaxingGibbon · 22/02/2014 17:05

You're absolutely right mummy. I have had enough television for today.

It's no problem at all I am more than happy to wait for my sister to finish playing with the doll and then it can be my turn

Original poster
Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 17:04

'Yes I agree the food on your plate is EXACTLY the same as on my plate. So I will eat my own food instead of all yours'

OP posts:
fryingpantoface · 22/02/2014 17:01

"no thanks i don't want a cake"

"I'll wait patiently while you sort out the baby"

NinjaCow · 22/02/2014 17:00

Ooh, not having everything completely separate on the plate? Go ahead. I'll eat it anyway as it will taste just the same.

EatShitDerek · 22/02/2014 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CanIBeElectricToo · 22/02/2014 16:58

Its ok mummy, you sit down for 5 minutes. I promise I wont draw on the walls, feed the dog sudocreme or do a head first somersault off the sofa.