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Original poster

Things you never hear a toddler say

319 replies

Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 16:44

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

OP posts:
JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/02/2014 19:19

Actually mummy, the tractor book IS a little tedious. Can we read something else now?

plantsitter · 22/02/2014 19:18

"I have no strong feelings either way, mummy."

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/02/2014 19:17

May I have a tissue to dispose of this bogey?

Cluelessat30 · 22/02/2014 19:17

Tell you what, I'll lie lovely and still while you change my nappy, it's only fair. I understand I'll get to play again in a minute.

Do you want to read your book while I have a look through my ones?

tiredbutstillsmiling · 22/02/2014 19:14

Yes I would like to return to my bed at 5.30am and not demand Mr. bloody Tumble.

Yes I will hold your hand mummy or walk nicely on my reins instead of screaming "no mummy, let me go!" as I know you're concerned I will run off at speed and you can't catch me with your ever growing pg belly.

Yes I will drink my lovely, healthy milk instead of crying for mummy's coffee or daddy's tea (oh the looks in our local cafe!)

CheeseStrawWars · 22/02/2014 19:12

(Mercedes - cheese and jam in a sandwich is actually a common combination. It's a northern thing, I think, like chips and gravy.)

MoominsYonisAreScary · 22/02/2014 19:10

No mummy of course I wont push over my almost 13 month old brother when hes trying to walk

No I wont push his head into the floor when hes crawlong around.

Yes of course he can have some toys to play with

Halfbaked · 22/02/2014 19:04

Yes I think I do need the toilet, thanks for the reminder mummy.

I think I will need a little help doing up my buttons, thank you for offering.

Mummy you are right, I will spill this drink down me if I don't sit down to drink it.

I'd love you to put my hair in plaits/bunches so it both looks neat and stops it flying in my face, which I find so terribly annoying.

FrimpongDench · 22/02/2014 19:03

I live by the mantra 'always do exactly what you're told, the first time you're told to do it'

Nagasaki · 22/02/2014 19:03

You know, you're right Mummy, I DON'T need to call you at 5:30am to 'fix my quilt'. At 4 years old, I'm more than capable of pulling it an inch back over me.

petalsandstars · 22/02/2014 19:03

I'll play nicely with my little sibling and cousin and I won't scream in their faces to make them cry I promise.

Of course you can have a wee alone in the bathroom I'm happy in the lounge playing.

Nagasaki · 22/02/2014 19:01

Goodness, Mummy! Look at the time! I best put my toys away swiftly and get my jammies on for bed. yawn Gosh, I'm tired.

Vegetables? Goody! More please!

APipkinOfPepper · 22/02/2014 18:59

"You know what, you're right, I won't eat it just like all the other times, so I will stop asking for a bit of lettuce / other foodstuff I don't like off your plate"

"You are right, I DO like grapes, I remember eating them yesterday and they were delicious, so I won't squish them, lick them and then give them back to you and try and persuade you to eat them."

RVPisnomore · 22/02/2014 18:57

Mummy you're right the TMNT is called Donatello and I was wrong insisting it was Donitello, I'm sorry!

SleepPleaseSleep · 22/02/2014 18:53

'I won't find a pen from somewhere and try to eat it and get blue on my face while you're having a well-earned rest telling people on mumsnet how funny I am. Especially not just after my bath.'

SleepPleaseSleep · 22/02/2014 18:49

'You know, this game where I run off giggling while you're trying to cook does get boring after the 4th or 5th time. I think I'll sit down nicely now and play with my toys you so lovingly lugged down'

'So my little brother found a toy I haven't played with for 6 months? Cool, he can have fun playing with that then.'

'Yes, my hair and face do need washing, and you're supporting me properly and trying very hard not to get soap near my eyes. I'll stop throwing myself around and screaming blue murder so you can get it done faster.'

Could carry on like this forever....

MrsBearWasTired · 22/02/2014 18:33

Mummy, oh sorry. Didn't see you on the phone there. I can wait til you are finished.

Weliveinabeautifulworld · 22/02/2014 18:26

"Yes mum, I know exactly what I want and I am going to tell you without having a tantrum meltdown"

MrsBearWasTired · 22/02/2014 18:19

Right. Absolutely mummy. That makes perfect sense and I will no longer climb up the bookcase as a trip to a &e would be a bit of a chore today.

CockBollocks · 22/02/2014 18:19

"Can I have x piece of food, however it comes. I'm easy"

May I remind you of the cutted up pear thread!!

MrsBearWasTired · 22/02/2014 18:17

Here you go dsis, why don't you have a turn oh and here- have some of my chocolate as well.

educatingarti · 22/02/2014 18:09

"This toy doesn't belong to me so of course I will give it back to its owner!"

GroupieGirl · 22/02/2014 18:09

Nah, I've already seen this episode of Doc McStuffins, let's turn the telly off.

You're right, I am singing the alphabet song in the wrong order!

I see you've just hoovered the floor, thus I have made every effort to keep my rice on the plate.

vladthedisorganised · 22/02/2014 18:07

I can see that time is of the essence, so I'll be sure to get dressed and get my coat on extra-quickly today.

There's only so much CBeebies one person can stand, I agree.

I probably do need my hair washed, yes.

Contemplates · 22/02/2014 18:03

You have to go food shopping? Oh good! Can I come with you?

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