Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Things you never hear a toddler say

319 replies

Kasterborous · 22/02/2014 16:44

Following on from Sparkingbrooks thread about teenagers. Here is one for toddlers, as I don't have a teenager yet.

'Yes I will eat my food without plastering it all over myself/the walls/carpet/you'

'Yes I would love a banana instead of a biscuit'

'Of course I will continue to only draw on paper, even when you only turn your back for one second'

OP posts:
Ledkr · 22/02/2014 20:08

Yes of course ill take off my upsi daisy suit and put on my pjs

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 22/02/2014 20:08

Oh look, I broke this crayon in two. I'm happy to keep using it though!

PhilomenaCunk · 22/02/2014 20:03

Of course you can strap me into my car seat, mummy. It would be terribly dangerous and silly for me to try to travel without it.

Zzzzmarchhare · 22/02/2014 20:01

No mummy, that word you said after someone nearly killed is in the car is obviously not a work I should say round tesco.

Haahoooo · 22/02/2014 19:59

I know there's millions lots of trees along this street. I don't need to point every single one of them out, say tree, and await confirmation / compliments... ConfusedSmile

HighlanderMam · 22/02/2014 19:57

I'd rather have water/juice than breast milk please.

themummyonthebus · 22/02/2014 19:56

Why is that man doing... Oh never mind, I've worked it out for myself.

claraschu · 22/02/2014 19:55

Yes I would like to stay with a babysitter so you can go out without me.

MrsPaddington · 22/02/2014 19:55

*WillYouDo' the sitting on lap whilst you are trying to poo thing-argh! I know!

Yes, mummy I will eat everything I asked for.
Oh that biscuit that's broken, I'll eat it anyway!
You know how I'm 4 now, well. I have decided to stop having tantrums. I can see how silly that is.

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 22/02/2014 19:53

SILENCE whilst the toddler plays quietly on his own. Just for 5 minutes.

WhoWasThatMaskedWoman · 22/02/2014 19:48

Oh never mind, I'll do it later.

SpookedMackerel · 22/02/2014 19:47

Yes, you're right Mummy, I do make a bit of a mess when I try to tip the contents of my potty down the toilet myself.
Please do it for me and I certainly won't dream of having a tantrum and trying to wrestle it from your grasp.
And I agree that a floor length Cinderella dressing up dress and some big fairy wings is a touch impractical for the first stages of potty training. I think I'll just wear leggings instead.

cakesonatrain · 22/02/2014 19:44

Yes, it's probably best if I climb straight up the stairs rather than stopping to investigate nothing on every step.

Oh, that noise was a doggy wasn't it? I'll remember that for the next time it barks in 30 seconds' time. And the next time. And the time after that.

Mercedes519 · 22/02/2014 19:44

cheesestraw I could do cheese with say a quince jelly/jam but strawberry? Each to their own but I should add...

"Of course mummy I remember I didn't like cheese and jam the other day when you caved in lovingly made it for me. So I won't ask for that again"

And just now she didn't say...

"Mummy you've had a long day so I won't shout very five minutes for the next hour because I've done a wee or can't find a toy that's on my bed or just because I need a cuddle. You need time to yourself"

missmapp · 22/02/2014 19:38

I can see you havn't quite finished having a wee , Mummy, so I won't open the cubicle door to show everyone your knickers.

AmberSpyglass · 22/02/2014 19:38

You're right, mummy, I HAVE been able to speak in full sentences for over a year now, ergo I shall endeavour to explain my needs using the English language instead of just making irritating whining noises and pointing at indeterminate objects. It will make both our lives easier.

findingherfeet · 22/02/2014 19:36

Ahhhh my toddler is NORMAL Grin

YeahBuddy · 22/02/2014 19:34

I know, I'll put some of these other toys away that I have finished playing with before I get some more out. That way the living room will stay nice and tidy.

Oh sorry mummy, I can see you're busy/talking on the phone/sorting out my brother, it's ok I can wait a few minutes until you've finished.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 22/02/2014 19:34

What's that mummy you're going for a poo? No of course I don't want to stand on your lap while you do it Hmm why would I? I'll stay here and watch Ben and holly.

What's that? A sandwich? The same as I had yesterday? Yes I agree, I did enjoy it. I'll eat it all up and not pound it to the thickness of a postage stamp with my water cup.

jaggythistle · 22/02/2014 19:30

You know Mummy, I'm feeling a bit funny. Why don't I have a snack instead of a complete meltdown?

FusilliJerry · 22/02/2014 19:29

Of course I will clean my teeth properly, not just suck the toothpaste off and immediately spit it out.
Yes, any of the 8 almost identical dolls will be fine, I don't need to have the only one that is not right here.

SleepPleaseSleep · 22/02/2014 19:27

Right I see we're rushing to get out on time, so I won't do a great big poo in my nappy right now. Especially not just 5 minutes after you changed me, after waiting for a while 'cos you just knew I was going to.

Similarly, 'I see it's bedtime now, and I've just had my bath. I won't do a great big stinky poo now then.'

Cluelessat30 · 22/02/2014 19:24

Before we cuddle, could you just wipe my nose please? Thanks.

Cluelessat30 · 22/02/2014 19:20

Yes it is cold now I'm out of the bath. Please put my pyjamas on (
instead of tearing away in the buff).

Every bloody time....

Smartiepants79 · 22/02/2014 19:19

Mummy, you are quite right play doh is disgusting.
So is cat food I can't think what I was thinking.

No mummy, of course I don't need to watch Rapunzel for the 14 th time this week.

Yes mummy I know exactly where my most favourite and beloved toy is. I haven't just put him somewhere very obscure and forgotten so you have to spend the next hour frantically searching for it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread