Weird accidents that are strangely hilarious

DameFanny (apt name BTW)

I kind of slid in head first reaching to listen in to baby as I am short and the pool deep (and sunk into the floor)... The woman was oblivious... The partner less so and hauled me out, laughing...
Had a wet forehead, arm, shoulder and right boob as I turned to protect eyes and mouth from what is actually body fluids...

This is a very old one but still makes me laugh.

First cycling proficiency lesson in primary school. We just had to ride across a Y junction and pull up behind a parked car. We'd all done stopping and starting in the playground so absolutely no biggie at all.

First person goes, stops and pulls their bike up on the pavement. Next person goes off, but way too fast and can't stop in time behind the parked car. She and the bike go straight under the car and if we hadn't seen her do it we'd wonder where she'd gone. We all run over and pull her and the bike from under the car. The most hilarious part was that her face was covered in soot from the underneath of the car. She and the bike were unhurt but she was so annoyed with everyone pissing themselves. She just shot under it!

Omg Doris - you faceplanted a woman in labour, in a birthing pool? Crying laughing here

My entire family was at mass. We were sat on the front two rows. My dd was 4 at the time. I saw her duck down and thought she was picking something up. It was right at the solemn, quiet bit of mass and suddenly a little voice said "I'm stuck" and she really was. She had got her head stuck under the pew. The front row was shaking with silent laughter, my dbs had sweat rolling down his face trying to hold in the laughter. My dm was on the second row and hissed in a loud stage whisper "get her out". Two if us tried with no success so dd waited until the quietest moment and sighed resignedly "I'm going to be stuck here forever". Luckily dbs freed her soon after but by this point the whole church was full of snorts and shaking shoulders.

I was once a little drunk in a train station toilet I pulled up my trousers leant back against the wall to do up my coat and slid down about a foot, thought nothing of it said bye to the people I'd been out with and got on my train home, there was nowhere to sit so I had to stand and I remember thinking it was a bit drafty, eventually after 30min train ride and a bus I arrived home for Dh to ask what happened to my trousers? I'd ripped the pocket off, I'm presuming most of the back pocket was hanging from a nail in the toilet.
I was wearing a thong, if travelled nearly an hour home with my arse hanging out.

Dh is mad at me. Apparently I'm a terrible mother for letting ds sit on the worktop.
He didn't laugh about me whacking our pfb with a hot spoon.

Omg the Great Dane peeing is just hilarious...

As a very new and professional midwife I was turning on a shower on for a lady who had had a section and who was very sore.... At the same moment she appeared at the door with her wash bag the shower head flew off the wall of the small ensuite bathroom and SPUN at 100mph round my head....
I flooded the bathroom, the room and part of the corridor... I was wet through to my knickers and found my patient slumped over the bed hanging onto her scar, hyperventilating with laughter begging me to leave the room....
As I walked down the ward for help I left sopping footprints in my wake and of course it was a rare quiet day so I found the coffee room full of staff who immediately pissed themselves laughing whilst going to rescue my patient. I had to do the rest of my shift with damp hair and in scrubs that had damp patches in the knicker and bra areas...

11yrs later, on my last week in the job I did it again, in the same room only this time I was telling the story as I did it AND covered the person I was telling

I also toppled into the birthing pool which was occupied at the time and slipped under a bed in a pool of amniotic fluid during an emergency....

I think they should have paid me danger money.

Dog coffin!!! Hahahahah! That made me laugh so much!!

Cycling with a friend on a disused work site. Friend ducked under a piece of 2 by 4. I didn't. Went full pelt into it smacking my forehead. Stopped dead and crept under whilst workmen and friend pissed themselves.

Phone rang and ran downstairs to answer before the machine kicked in. Trod on the cord of my dressing gown tripped and bumped down the stairs. When I played it back you could hear the WHOOPS, bump, bump bump bump bump, bump.....ow!

At a gig in Brixton academy that my friends were doing. Called out on the stairs to a friend on the other side of the stairs (loud enough for the whole foyer to turn around and look) missed a step and landed the wrong way round with my glasses at the top of the stairs.

I could go on (and on and on!)

OK, heres mine, or rather DH's.

We live in a small close on the side of a very steep hill. One christmas it was very icy and no cars could get up the hill and DH had to collect the turkey we had ordered for christmas so he decided he would walk. A few seconds after he had left I realised he had forgotten the order confirmation so I opened the front door to call him back. I was just in time to see him go sailing down the hill on his bum with arms and legs in the air and smack into the dog poo collection bin at the bottom of the hill. He had slipped on the ice trying to get up the hill and couldn't get a grip to stand up. Oooh I did laugh!

Mine was when I sat on the loo and the toilet seat went one way and I went the other, landed up on the floor wedged between the toilet and wash basin.

Worst thing was snakey i was in a very customer facing role at the time and of course everyone asked what i'd done to my face

Me and oh hadn't been together long and he was sat in my mums lounge chatting to my family trying not to look as terifed as he clearly felt I went to get him a drink, came back in the room and instead of passing it too him I just let go! Covered him from head to foot in ribena :) he was not impressed!!
Also, in my yoof I worked in the local co op. We had a shop lifter, policeman came along very quickly and and we went to look for him (small village) as I bent down to get in the car, I slammed the door shut on my head!! God knows how I managed it, my body wasn't even in the flipping car but my stoopod hand just pulled the door shut! I kinda slid into the car, policeman had totally noticed and was trying not to laugh :)

In my 20's I was lying on the floor doing some exercise, I used a thick rubber rope as resistance training, holding it in both hands as it was round the bottom of my feet, I was doing well pushing my legs in and out when I got an almighty big slap up the face! It had rolled off my feet and I ended up with a very swollen face and nose, a big red welt right across my face, luckily it just missed my eyes.

A minute later while I was lying there stunned the doorbell rang, it was the insurance man, then I had to go into work on nightduty, the Sister gave me cotton wool soaked in witch hazel to reduce the swelling. When I told people what had happened they went into hysterics!

I must say though, my Sister rang me one night in a panic to say my Niece had got the tip of her tongue stuck in her brace, I had to put the phone down as I couldn't stop laughing, the poor thing had to go to a@e and have a small snip to the tip of her tongue

A bag of flour falling onto my head as I tried to cram baking ingredients into the top cupboard in a hurry (going out to theatre). I was all in black, and it was a proper cartoon style covering of flour.

DP had to vacuum me to get it off, but obviously missed some. We walked to theatre in rain and I slowly got a paste/gluey layer forming over me.

I'm looking forward to reading this thread

In the meantime I've been reminded of the time I was sitting in my car and actually saw someone slip on a banana skin that had been carelessly discarded on the ground, cartoon-stylee !

Ds was sitting on the kitchen worktop while I was making a pie today, he reached to the sink to get something and slipped off the side, I instinctively reached out to grab him forgetting I had a really hot spoon in my hand that I'd been putting the meat in the pie with so instead of heroically catching him poor little bugger got smacked round the ear with a hot spoon midway to the kitchen floor. I almost wet myself.

I once got up to take the dishes away after tea and tripped over my own feet threw the plate of leftover food at Dh filling his work shoes with hotdog.

I'm rather accident prone I once cut my arm open falling off the toilet.

I cracked my cheekbone, needed a tooth refilled and had two black eyes after getting my head trapped under my mum's dog's coffin (dog was in it, dead - GSD too so very heavy).

I REALLY hurt my DH with socks.

Was knitting him socks for his Christmas, baby started crying upstairs, so, being a devoted kind of mother, off I scampered to attend to her latest whim.

I left the knitting on the floor, and because it was knitting on four needles, one of them was sitting upright. Like a little flagpole. Without any sort of warning flag, sadly.

DH trod right ontop of the needle, went in at his heel and out at his Achilles tendon. He said "oyah, that's nippy" or, something similar.

He's never worn those socks. And, worse, my very posh Boyes dpns have never been the same - one's got a right kink in it where it got bent round his heel bone. Bah.

I'm crying with laughter here! I've got loads but I can't remember most of them!
I do remember being in a nightclub once, and falling down a flight of stairs.
Sober I'd have probably hurt myself, but cos I was a bit drunk I got up, unbent my cigarette and carried on! The bruises were quite fantastic!

Not me but DH (who coincidentally has driven vans pretty much all of his adult life so really should know better)
He had the side door open and on preparing to walk away, slid the door shut with the wrong hand (he still can't adequately explain how it actually occurred) and trapped his hand in the side of the door furthest from the handle. Fortunately it clicked shut but not fully IYSWIM so he was stuck, unable to reach the handle but not in terrible pain.
Why he felt the need to ring me and tell me he was stuck
escapes me as all I could do was lie there weeping with laughter until someone came and released him :o
He also slipped on ice in the road one day. I was quite sympathetic until he told me that a big lorry had stopped to let him cross and he crumpled in a heap in front of it while the traffic backed up behind it. When he got to the part about being helped up by an elderly lady I thought I might break a rib from laughing :o

My DH sat down with some force on of those sun lounger things but was off centre, the whole thing tipped up and catapulted the cat who was sleeping on it across the garden. The look on the cat's face was priceless and she was very miffed at us laughing our heads off.

Some years ago DD1 (5) managed to lock herself in the loo in a large mothercare store as the lock was broken and stuck shut. Sooooo being unable to find anyone around to help I climbed over the top of the door to release her.

My jeans caught as I went past a hook on the inside of the door, held me suspended briefly and then ripped...all the way from waistband to crotch!

I rescued my daughter than, mustering up as much dignity as I could, with my pants on full view, went to custom services to complain! They did pay for new jeans

shamelessly place marking!

Oh I love these, hilarious!

When I was in 6th form I was walking to get the bus at about 7.30 am. It was icy and I had to go a little way down a hill before crossing over to my bus stop. Just before I crossed I slipped and fell on the ice and couldn't get back up! Every time I tried to get up I just slipped again. Everything had fallen out of my folder and was all over the pavement. And then a double decker bus pulled up next to me to see if I needed help. I was totally mortified.