Weird accidents that are strangely hilarious

Oh and another canteen one, a horrible colleague of mine slipped on a huge chip on the canteen floor, smack bang on her arse amid loud screeching and jumped up, threw her water bottle and the laughing crowd and ran off crying. She was 37 at the time

Smashing thread!
Have enough crying laughing for hours.

Mine was a few years ago taboggoning in France. Friend pushed my down the hill towards the end but I managed to steer myself out the gate down another icy hill and straight out into a road.
A car was passing at the perfect time and I careered face first into the passage door.
Bust nose and my face shape in the man's door. Don't remember much after that

Just read through this whole thread. Crying. "John, John!", weebling pillowcase & dead mouse finger especially!

My own happened a little while ago. I seem to have developed a habit of rocking myself backwards slightly before getting out of a chair, to sort of give myself momentum to stand up iyswim. Normally this is fine, but on this particular occasion I was having a picnic with some friends on the side of a grassy hill. I decided to stand up for some reason, and just automatically did my usual rocking-back-for-momentum motion, which of course sent me into a roly-poly down the hill.

This thread is just the gift that keeps on giving

A couple of years ago I was in the work canteen wearing my new lovely Ugg boots. Got the Friday special of sausages, chips and beans and sauntered off through the canteen to meet my friends.
Unfortunately, I neglected to see the 'wet floor' sign, Ugg boots went sliding, I did the splits while simultaneously flinging the tray carrying the messy dinner at top speed onto my chest/neck/face, with the result that I was completely dripping in baked beans.
Everyone in the canteen was like before absolutely creasing up laughing.

I left the job (and the country incidentally) not too much later.

When I was about 14 I went on holiday with a friend and her parents. We had taken the dogs for a walk on the beach and climbed back up the path to the cliff top car park and little cafe. (up north somewhere - Bridlington way) friends mum, friend and I were at the cafe buying '99s and her dad was at the bottom of the little hill where the picnic tables were, with his new digital camera taking pics, Cue me with '99 in hand.. somehow I fell off the first step and summersaulted/rolled/flew down this hill. my friend collapsed laughing, her mum was laughing and panicking and her dad caught it all on camera.. much to my shame! I got up, unscathed, and carried on eating my '99 that also didn't have so much as a blade of grass on it. 17 years later it still makes us all piss! and they still have the photos!

When I was little I used to ride my aunts horse most weekends. It was a huge Irish cob and I must have been 7-8. One day my aunt decided I didn't need to be on lead rope, so she took her bike out on a hack. That was the day the horse decided to get spooked by a house alarm going off and bolted down a country lane.the saddle slipped and I was clinging on upside down under the horse. I eventually stopped opposite a family having a picnic, who just looked at me . I was stuck there until my aunt came peddling round the corner several long minutes later.

When I was a teenager my then boyfriend was round at mine and I was making hot dogs for our dinner. I put the hot dog buns on our plates and set the plates on the table and then went to check on the sausages. then boyfriend thought it would be hilarious to pop his own "sausage" into one of the buns not realising the plates had been warming in the oven! I pissed myself laughing as he shrieked in pain. He was a wanker so always enjoy remembering this story!

Another time me and a friend had just driven to a house party and were all glammed up and dressed to impress. As we walked to the front door my friend put her foot down a small open drain and her shoe got wedged in place. It took me ages to help her get free as I was falling about laughing!

I am reading this in my hospital bed. I broke my arm tenpin bowling. Have just had it surgically pinned back together.

Resurrecting this little gem that's had me laughing over several nights.

I have a wide legged trouser story. Newly started in my first job wearing new long wide legged trousers and metal tipped heeled boots. I'm walking down the stairs talking to my boss when I catch the heel of the shoe in the trouser turn up and catapult myself down the last dozen or so stairs. Boss pisses himself but helps me up, bruised my knees pretty badly but no blood and I have to walk around the rest of the day with a huge rip in my trouser leg. Because it's the main set of stairs by reception the receptionist sees and has to report it as a health and safety accident, blaming the stairs rather than my attire. Next week there are workmen in gaffer taping yellow and black striped tape onto the edge of each and every step. Of course everyone asks the receptionist why they're doing it and she re tells the story multiple times, name checking me every time it would seem. Becoming notorious in the company in my first few weeks was not something I imagined in my first job!

A few weeks back we had some little chicks in a large cardboard box. Dd2 (1.5) decided to pick up on of the chicks and lent into the box- which was almost as tall as she is, promptly fell head first into the box! All I heard was a little shout and turned to see two tiny little legs popping out the top of the box! She was heartbroken and I really had to hold the laughter in as I picked the sawdust out of her hair!

I have a funny one which is funny for me but not so for dh!

years ago when we were first married - about 21 years ago I had an old fashioned typewriter - no computer at home then. It was very odl fashioned - a vintage olivetti where the top part would move as you typed and when you got to the end of the page you had to hit it to move it to the beginning again. I think its called carriage return.

Anyway dh had just started a business and I used to type up his few accounts for him to deliver to his customers on this ancient maching.

One saturday night dh had just had a shower and was sitting next to me in thin boxers and nothing else and we started to do his accounts. He made very hot tea with no milk for both of us and put his cup down on a table near the ancient olivetti.

Cue me reaching the end of the page and hitting carriage return and the top part knocked his tea which promptly spilt in his lap scalding his privates! Dh screamed and ran into the bathroom where we applied cold water whilst I stifled huge screams of laughter.

Eventually after he'd swallowed paracetomol and it was still getting worse and his poor little fishing tackle was bright red and swelling we decamped to A and E.

Dh not dreaming that the staff would find it funny recounted with indignance what had happened only to glimpse through the curtain the nurses cracking up outside his cubicle together!!

We dined out on that story for weeks but couldnt' do much else

Oh wow, too many of these to count!

Fave one this evening, on holiday in Spain with mates, feeling brave enough to wear hot pants for the first time. Go up to hotel bar to buy bottle of water, creepy Spanish guy tells me 'you vey sexy laydee', I feel (stupidly) delighted, sashay away, and perch on the wrong end of a sun lounger, making me fall flat on my arse and have the lounger somersault over me, pinning me to the floor.

Another very accident prone person now. Some of my funniest accidents include.

Getting off a cable car while grappling with a sledge and a toddler and getting my foot caught between the moving cake car and the concourse. It was very painful as my ankle was getting squished. Managed to wrench it free.

Standing at a bus stop when a 1mx1mx1m block of snow slid off the hotel roof four floors up and landed on my head. Knocked me out. Dh says I'm the only person he knows who's been avalanched while shopping.

I am so accident prone it's family legend.

Broke my nose on my OHs solid wooden bedframe after seeing gymnastics on the TV and trying to give him a demonstration of what I'd learnt in gym lessons from years ago.

Fell out of a friends tree house and onto their BBQ, fortunately it wasn't on.

Broke my nose at work twice (I'm a nurse) and had to sit in A&E in my uniform with an ice brick clamped to my face.

Knocked myself out on a cupboard door and had to go to A&E where one of my uni tutors was the nurse in charge.

Got a heel of my shoe caught in a crack in the pavement, tripped as I tried to carry on walking and face planted the pavement.

The list goes on, Lord knows what will happen when DS arrives.

Mine's not about my but my DF.

When I was young I remember waking up to the sound of BANG! Ouch! BANG! Ouch! Turns out my mother had sent my father into the spare room because of his drunken snoring, but on his way he accidentally slipped and fell down the stairs.

2 points make me giggle when I think about it:

1. DF was bollock naked as it was a heatwave - hence carpet burns in some very painful places.

1. My mother shouting down the stairs "You better not have broken my table!!" no regard for my father's safety at all

Both of mine involve my sister.

At the age of eight, she was messing around with my mother's sewing machine when she managed to send the needle straight through her finger and into the bone.

My sister has epilepsy and asthma, and the shock of the pain trigged both a petit mal fit and an asthma attack. Fearing to remove the machine in case the needle broke off in her finger, my parents bundled her, complete with heavy duty steel machine still attached, into the car and drove her at top speed to the nearest hospital. The bewildered but fabulous team in the A&E department found themselves simultaneously treating a child for a fit, a massive asthma attack, and a severe case of sewing-machine-finger.

Fast forward twenty years or so, and my sister is a geneticist, doing research on cancer genes, using mice as a research model. One of the aforementioned rodents decided to strike a blow for all mouse-kind one day, and sank its teeth into her finger, hitting the bone.

The pain made her react instinctively, and she tried to pull the mouse off, but in doing so broke its neck, killing it instantly.

So now she had a mouse embedded firmly in her finger: she didn't dare pull it out, in case the teeth broke off in her bone and caused an infection.

She drove herself to A&E where, on being asked by the triage nurse what the problem was, she wordlessly held up her hand, complete with attached rodent.

The nurse did not bat an eyelid. I suppose working in A&E means nothing surprises you after a while...

Excellent, Selectausername.

UterusUterusGhali howling at the thought of you stuck under a fridge and your DS is in highchair

Picture this happy pastoral scene of some years ago:

I am in field holding lead rope of friend's Welsh Cob (stocky breed of horse) in one hand and lead of SelectAScattyCollie in the other. Gate of field is open as friend - who has no stable, just field - gets tack out of boot of car in preparation for me to have jolly ride on horse with view to taking him on loan.

Something worth chasing catches ScattyCollie's eye and she lunges suddenly in one direction, barking incessantly. I am taken by surprise and pulled off-balance. Friend's horse promptly spooks at barking dog and tries to bolt. In opposite direction. Towards open gate and thence, road. I have brief dilemma: which one do I let go of? In meantime arms are being pulled out of sockets like medieval torture procedure. Decide horse is capable of doing more damage/being damaged if loose on road so drop dog lead. Unfortunately too late to regain balance so fall forward as horse shoots off. Am dragged unceremoniously across field on my belly, still clinging to lead rope. Bounce through pile of fresh dung, face-first. Come to undignified stop as friend, having heard commotion, appears in field gateway with saddle in arms and brings horse to standstill with a stern glare. Or possibly witchcraft.

Friend closes gate, calms horse down and retrieves dog while I clamber slowly to feet, nursing rope burns. And grass burns. And various random scratches. And horseshit stains down entire front. Friend then tries to describe how it looked. Struggles to do so because of hysterical laughter. Only discernible words appear to be "like a Benny Hill sketch".

I did not ride that day.

long tailed

my dad and mum were pretending once that they were ballet dancers, prancing around he decided to lift her while jumping a bit - bashed her head straight into the top of the doorframe!

then he slipped and broke his little toe!

Glad to this is in classics

Im crying here

At the end of our 'first dance' at our wedding DH suddenly lifted me up in the air - bashing my head straight into a chandelier...

When we went sledging as kids, the best place to go near us was to the dam. The only problem with it was that at the bottom was a three metre wide gap to aim your sledge through and either side of that gap was a concrete ditch immediately followed by a hedge. The trick was to sledge down the hill, aim through the gap and have enough momentum to pull left to finish in the little grassy (snowy) area behind the hedges. The day I remember best, there were a group of five of us together taking turns with three sledges between us, with the youngest member of our group (db2) having to double up with the others - he was only four at the time and we were attempting to be responsible! He begged and begged us to be able to have a go on his own. Eventually we said ok, make sure you pull the string to steer the sledge or you'll end up in one of the ditches. He sat in the sledge at the top of the dam, huge smile on his face, all ready to go, so we gave him a big push. He went like a rocket, and we were all screeching "STEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!" as the sledge careened down the slope.

He didn't manage to steer it. Yes, he ended up face first in a ditch. Thankfully, when we pulled him out he was fine, he thought it was absolutely brilliant and could he have another go?! He did better than me though, I've been run over twice by sledges - once as a tot when I fell forwards off the front of the sledge I was riding on, and my own dad ran me over with it, and then just last year, where I was bowled over by someone going top speed down hill in an inflatable sledge. How I didn't land on them I don't know, but Dh (who saw it, and kudos to him for not wetting himself laughing at the time) reckons she was going that fast they had already gone down the rest of the hill before I'd hit the ground. After I'd recovered from the headache and whiplash, I asked him what it looked like - like something out of a cartoon, apparently!

I was saying goodbye to my DS at nursery one day. As I turned I got my foot stuck in the turn up to my trousers, I had my hands in my pockets so I gracefully pirouetted to the floor - knocking over and squashing a deaf child who was innocently facing away from me at the time. Said child was OK but upset, as was his mum who looked at me horrified.
The guilt, oh the guilt