I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

Years ago, I was at my first conference in a new job. Big boss is there etc, trying to make a good impression.
I was sat showing a customer something, then pushed myself back with my feet to turn round to him. But the chair was a folding one. And it folded. Leaving me on the floor. And I swore loudly.

oh honey poor you there there we all say silly things at times :)

but thank you for making me giggle snort until tears came to my eyes

i am always saying/typing the wrong thing hence my name. i was once posting about wanting to go on a walking holiday and typed wanking holiday

You can all laugh but for hours I was worried about small furry cat corpses being left in the garden

I might as well tell this story again now as well now and complete the shame.

I used to take DS to swimming lessons. There was a very narrow balcony for parents to watch the lessons from, with a limited amount of chairs and viewing space.

One family used to arrive en-mass and have the entire clan watch one small child in the pool week after week, and they got into the habit of saving chairs for each other, to the point of having another child sprawl across three of them to save them or putting coats all along the row.

One week I went to sit down on the only empty chair left, only for the father of this family to actually push me away while saying he was saving the seat for his wife.

I think it was the push that did it, because I sat down on it anyway at the exact same moment as he draped his arm protectively around the back of the chair.

Meaning that I was now sitting with his arm around my shoulders. We were both more than a bit surprised, but I didn't move and he didn't move and not one other parent on that balcony said a word but they all looked a lot more jolly than usual for the rest of the session.

We just sat in silence, carefully not looking at each other, with his arm around me, until his wife walked in a few minutes later and stared at us until he removed his arm and made one of his other children stand up so she could have their chair instead.

I went to a council meeting where they were discussing the proposed name of a new development which had been built behind the facade of an 18th century coaching inn. The rest of the inn had been demolished.

It had been called The Cock.

Some bore had researched the inn and was lobbying for the name of the first landlord, presumably because rather than in spite of the fact that no one but him would get the obscure reference.

One councillor tried to politely say what a bad idea this was and said: 'Sadly, I don't think many people would understand that Brian. Though we're very grateful that you did all that research.

'Anyway, I'm in favour of keeping the flavour of The Cock Inn.'

Poor woman.

I love this one as it is such a simple, yet understandable, mistake. I could imagine doing this myself.

The other people sound like a bunch of misery guts.

I used to work for a publisher.

Some of the authors kept on sending extra changes to their manuscript, so I sent a message to the production team saying, 'As they keep fiddling, I suggest we sit on the poofs for a few days longer.'

P-R-oofs. Argh.
At least I didn't suggest shooting the buggers.

Someone I know didn't stop herself before a William Shatner moment.

She pointed and laughed at the arty picture of a man in the screensaver on someone's screen shouting: 'Who's that ugly geek?'

The answer was: 'It's my boyfriend. He's a model, actually.'

He did look a bit geeky but it's a fair bet that you'd have a screensaver of someone you know, rather a random geek.

Bastards! I'm now late for work! But at least I'm smiling1

i dont understand why everyone doesnt laugh when these things happen

do some people not have brain malfunctions, and so really actually think others are lunatics?

my sister went into the greengrocers once and asked for a piano. She wanted a bunch of bananas

Haha neiljames I hope that woman comes one here to write about the embarrassing time she literally pissed herself watching someone get stuck in the trench of a zip wire!

My DMs most embarrassing moment was when she slipped and landed in a muddy puddle, so my Dad told her to take her skirt off in the car, which was fine until she got home and couldn't get back into it so ended up legging it into the house in just her knickers.

I remember another time I made a tit of myself quite a few years ago when I was at a meal with a large group of people, and through the course of general chit chat we were talking about daytime TV. I said "I think Fern Britton looks really good after that sex change." Got a few looks and I realised what I said and quickly went "Oh I meant gastric band!" but the damage was done. WHY out of all the medical procedures in the world to mistake it for, had I said sex change?

Dilash- I stumbled through my presentation and said at the end ' you'll be glad to know that me done and no more mention of pus!' I laughed and was met by silence .....

Thank god I am part time so my embarrassing moments are limited to just 3 days a week!

Years ago, thankfully before the advent of decent camera phones, me and the rest of the family went to one of those parks with an adventure playground in it. One of the rides was a zip wire meant for kids. Instead of a bar to dangle off, it was a pole with a disc at the bottom to sit on. Both my daughters, 4 and 5 at the time, were too scared to go on it so I said I'd sit on it and one at a time, they could sit on my knee.
The youngest agreed to do it. It was in summer and I was wearing shorts. This zip wire, not used to the weight of an adult and child, set off at a fair old pace. Apparently, everybody apart from me could see what was going to happen. When it reached full speed and got to it's lowest point, my arse ploughed a trench through the treebark shavings and into the gravel and soil underneath. We came to a halt and my daughter ran back to her mum and left me sat there with my underpants full of tree bark and my exposed arse cheeks red raw and grazed.
About 30 or so people had seen it happen and one woman, who was wearing pale jeans had quite obviously wet herself and was led away by her husband.
I can laugh about it now but at the time, it was really embarrassing.

My neighbour phoned me out of the blue one morning and said that her husband had died. My response was "Are you joking?" Wtaf was I thinking I do not know! She had grace to repeat what she said and ignored my faux pas. I am still mortified years later.

You made me laugh OP.

On the 50th anniversary of VE Day I asked my boss what he'd be doing over the extended holiday weekend.

He said: 'Some friends and I will be holding a small losers' party.'

I forgot he was German.

Oh I made a massive tit of myself once when I was on my way to visit a friend. I got a phone call from her saying that she'd be late meeting me because her Dad had been hit by a car. I said "Oh god that's terrible, I'm so sorry. Are you going to the hospital?" She replied "The hospital?! Why would we go there? He's on my mum's kitchen floor. We're waiting for the out of hours vet."

It took a minute longer of me wondering why a vet would need to come out before I realised she'd said dog not dad, and although it was still terrible I burst out laughing at my mistake. I was trying to explain through gasps of "I'm so sorry!" And then she said she and her mum hadn't spoken to her dad in years and that made the image of him on the kitchen floor even more vivid in my head. I think she understood but I was totally mortified.

at Shatner Wife!

I was in a lunch meeting once and we were celebrating a deal that had been done on some property, I was offered more champagne and said ' oh no, one more and I am anyone's'... In was inappropriate, but a few of them did jump up and reach for the bottle, which made it a bit better .

Another time we were having a meeting with some clients, one of whom was called Mr Dury. I couldn't get the song 'hit me with your Rythmn Stick' out of my head..... He asked me to call him his first name and I seconds later called him 'Ian'. .

Once, I was walking down Regents Street in London, where I worked at the time and felt something bulging in the leg of my trousers, I realised in was a pair of knickers from the day before which had obviously been left in (yes I wore my trousers 2 days in a row, as they were with a suit), I had to shuffle into a doorway and retrieve them from the bottom of the leg! From whence they were now protruding!

Your op was the funniest thing I've read this month, at least.
Your embarrassment was a kind of public service really; a living example of short term pain for everyone else's long term gain...

Oh my god - I've just woken the baby snorting at this OP poor! poor you!