I made a complete tit of myself today and cannot stop cringing. Pat my shoulder

Mosp - so what happened? Did you plummet out of the tree ? Or hang by your hands all the way to the bottom of the zipwire, legs akimbo?

I'm a bit late, but I have a zip wire story:

When I was a young teen, I went on a youth camp. On the first day we all got to have a go on the amazing zip wire. It was really long, and you had a climb a big tree to get to the beginning of it. Each of us took it in turns to climb the tree and whizz down the wire as the others queued and watched from below.

My turn came. I climbed the tree, positioned myself on the 'seat thingy', held on with both hands and launched. Unfortunately, a branch caught hold of my skirt and it came right off. I was powerless to prevent it. In that split second, I realised I had only two choices. They were: a) open my legs and keep the skirt from falling to the ground with my ankles, or b) close my legs and let it drop (and then have to walk back all the way to the tree to collect it). I chose a.

That's hilarious! I literally lol'd & I never actually do that.

God why did I click on this before bed? pmsl.
I've posted this before but a friend of mine was filling time at the end of class playing pictionary. of course year 9 boy draws a cock. She got cross and instead of saying put away your BOOKS said "put away your penis"

Ooh, Classics and so it should be. This thread is hilarious!

I tend to agree

That does help thanks. I think a teacosy is way worse than a tiara.

Tobias, if it makes you feel any better, I once went to dinner in college wearing a teacosy. Had stuck it on my head to keep warm in freezing bedroom and forgotten about it...

I was working in the University library one day and it was really busy because it was coming up to exam time so every seat taken. I started to yank my folder and the folder fell on the floor and everyone looked up as it made a bang and as it came out, out flew a rogue tampon (an old fashioned one so large with applicator) which went flying about 10 feet away and then rolled under the desk with 6 rather good looking male posh blokes sitting at it. Everyone just stared. No-one made any attempt to pick it up so I had to go up, excuse myself and crawl under their desk to get it back.

I was absolutely mortified being about 19.

I have also unwittingly worn a plastic tiara on my head for nearly a whole day until someone in Sainsbury's asked me was I a real princess.

that's hilarious.

'i know it's a ridiculous name. i know, i'll pass it off as being....norwegian! yes! nobody knows any norwegians - i will surely get away with this!'

I know it's not a Norwegian name She only tried to convince me it's some hale and hearty passed down the line Norwegian family name because it was clear how stupid I thought it was

i'm fully trained in Norwegians and none of them are called darth!!

I was asked to help out in a different department at work as they were short staffed. The very senior member of staff stood up from her desk and lent forward a bit. I promptly slapped her hard on the arse!

We just stared at each other in horror.

It bloody buggery isn't a lovely Norwegian name!! I Googled "Darth" earlier in case anyone else had every actually had it as a name and got nothing. Now I've Googled "Norwegain names Darth" and still got nothing but Star Wars references. I tried as many weird spelling as I could think of.

She as a deluded loon!!!

mrsWast. He didn't help you up? What a cad.

i am dying here. i keep interrupting husband's footy watching to snort and giggle some of these at him.

mtbmummy i am crying at you falling into a dustbin.

many years ago, a very handsome man who i had fancied for ages offered to walk me home from the pub. i was VERY drunk (and more than a little stoned) but managed to keep it together until we got back to mine.

it was going swimmingly until i needed a wee. i stood up and headed for the door to the stairs. my housemate had bought a new telly and the massive, empty cardboard box was against the wall near the door.

as gravity got the better of me, i turned and smiled winningly at the handsome man, and fell helplessly into the cardboard box.

by the time i had managed to climb out again he had let himself out.

At my best friends dd's Holy Communion she was opening her cards and presents. She opened the card from her nan, which contained a hefty cheque. Her dad took it and said "We will put that in your savings account". I then gave her my card which had (less) money in. As she opened it I said to her "don't save this, buy yourself something nice - like drugs" to an 8 year old - in front of her v posh, elderly gran...

I'm not sure why I said that, I meant to say dress... I've never taken drugs . Thank goodness everyone saw the funny side... (Except my BFs mum!)

No, his name really is Darth! I got a lecture about how it's a lovely traditional Norwegian name and they didn't even think the Darth Vader similarity would be noticed!

Surely to god it was Garth Bader?
Which is pretty bad, but not quite as terrible as Darth Bader!

My friend works in a school which has a church next door. She had taken a new member of staff over to the church to show them how to switch on the organ because she was going to be using it in a church service. The organ was very old and had several switches that needed turning on before it would work.

On the way out they met the elderly priest
"hello father" she said "I hope you don't mind, I was just showing Mrs X how to handle your organ correctly"

Friend and colleague realised what she had said and stood horrified while genial priest replied "it is a bit of a beast, isn't it"

Thank you, that made me laugh so much

Sorry, YOU performed with style - they on the other hand my dear behaved like a bunch of miserable a*holes - just laugh it off :)

I once swapped the word tuna for sex - as in...

can I have a sex sandwich please

to the guy working in a cafe - thankfully it was a hospital cafe, so he took it in his stride

oh you lucky thing Gate meeting TC.

Darth Vader? even I wouldn't inflict a name like that on my child and Im a sci-fi geekette!

raef I would have had to laugh, even if it was my son you had just insulted!!

after leaving a horribly long uncomfortable silence of course

Who the fuck calls their child Darth no matter what the surname is!?!?!