Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You daft apeth

416 replies

Kasterborous · 30/10/2013 08:50

No, not you but I heard this phrase yesterday and haven't heard it for ages. We used to say it when anyone had done something daft, but in a lighthearted way.

Another old favourite is 'crosspatch' as in 'don't be a crosspatch' when someone is being -well - cross.

OP posts:
Brittapie · 30/10/2013 21:17

What's for tea?

Two jumps at the cupboard door.

LetItBeMe · 30/10/2013 21:16

barn pot, reference to someone being daft. my Yorkshire grandfather used to call us barn pots quite often!

RubySparks · 30/10/2013 21:16

You know what thought did.....

Planted a feather and thought it would grow a hen!

KissesBreakingWave · 30/10/2013 21:15

Thought followed a funeral and thought it were a wedding. Stuff yer brownie points.

Brittapie · 30/10/2013 21:13

One of my favourite ways to test a newish friend is to ask them what thought did.

The ONLY acceptable answer is "followed a dustcart and thought it were a wedding", but anything other than complete confusion gets brownie points from me Grin

KissesBreakingWave · 30/10/2013 21:07

Well, mixed Irish/Lancashire/Yorkshire family living in Lancashire. Got a lot of 'em.

As much use as ... cat shit in soup/ashtray on a motorbike/the cat I haven't got (The cat I haven't got also knows things that are obvious.)

A dog wi' a clawhammer up 'is arse could do it. (Said dog is a comparator for the utterly clueless, also.)

Your imagination's as big as your brain isn't.

Well, if $UNLIKELYEVENTOR_TRUTH, I'll show me arse in't co-op window.

Oh, he'll chew nails an' spit up rust! (For impressively clever/brave/obedient small children.)

Well, we could go down't butchers and see if he's turned the bacon slicer on? (Entertainment opportunities hereabouts seem somewhat limited)

You're like christmas comin'

You're shapin' like wet lettuce (not even reaching the standard of a dog wi' a clawhammer up his arse)

Don't talk wet! (I find your remarks foolish and inconsequential)

He couldn't lie straight in bed, that one. (He is lacking in honesty.)

soaccidentprone · 30/10/2013 20:58

Df used to say if you had done a stinky fart 'as a rat crept up thee arse and deed' in a Yorkshire accent.

Mum where yer going? 'There and back to see how far it is' or 'to see a man about a dog'

Jacksterbear · 30/10/2013 20:57

Omg!! Have only just twigged that San Fairy Anne = ca ne fait rien!

Blush
LemonMousse · 30/10/2013 20:50

My Dad's - 'Stop standing there like one o'clock half struck (stop day dreaming)

'Put the wood in the hole' (close the door)

'He could peel an orange in his pocket' (about someone he considered mean with money)

And my favourite 'Daddism' about people he considered had no discerning taste 'He would drink water the pit ponies had plodged in'

(*plodge is Geordie for paddling in water) Grin

DaftApeth · 30/10/2013 20:50

Ha, YerDaftApeth!

I haven't used this name for a while!

YerDaftApeth · 30/10/2013 20:47

Had totally forgotten about 'San fairy Ann'. My Dad used that one quite a lot.

Another was 'what's that scotch mist', I used that one a lot with my siblings they hated it! It's said when you've been looking for something and couldn't find it, then someone comes along and spots it immediately and says 'what's that scotch mist'.

JohnSnowsTie · 30/10/2013 20:46

Meant to put the "both" bit before stone the crows...

JohnSnowsTie · 30/10/2013 20:46

"Gordon Bennet!"

"Cor blimey." My mum says it comes from "God blind me."

"Well stone the crows."

I say both and I'm 30.

dogindisguise · 30/10/2013 20:40

My mum (64) says "daft apeth" and used to say Wild Woman of Borneo too.

ElectricalBanana · 30/10/2013 20:32

Onetiredmummy - I used that one on Sunday as we were on the second (yes second) diversion trying to get into Nottingham ... As oh "thought he knew another way"

onetiredmummy · 30/10/2013 20:25

You know what thought did? Followed a dustcart and thought it was a wedding.

Redhatnoknickers · 30/10/2013 20:23

put it back in again.....

Redhatnoknickers · 30/10/2013 20:22

"Back in the knife box Miss Sharp" (if you'd said something sarcastic)
"All mouth and no trousers"
"You know what thought thought? He thought his leg was out of bed so he got out and out it back in again!"

Katiebeau · 30/10/2013 19:57

Loads of these and mardarse if we were grumpy and San fairy Anne (that well known French phrase murdered by my DM!!!).

TeamEdwooooooo · 30/10/2013 19:50

Haven't read the whole thread.

When talking about a miserly chap, I've been known to use the phrase "tighter than two coats of paint"

stubbornstains · 30/10/2013 19:49

Oh, some more....

"You're asking for a knuckle sandwich" (charmed I'm sure Dad)

"You're so sharp you'll cut yerself" (likewise Grandma)

SorrelForbes · 30/10/2013 19:47

Oh yes,

Its black over Bill's mother's
All around the Wrekin
I'll go to the foot of the stairs

Snozwanger · 30/10/2013 19:47

My dad used to say 'change the record' if I kept going on and on about something Smile

Bitofkipper · 30/10/2013 19:41

"Manners, Pianners,

Tables and chairs,
Belong to the lady
Who lives upstairs".
Said by my dad if you didn't say please.

"I'm standing here like two of eels waiting for liquor"
Said by my mum when she was dithering.

(Pianos doesn't sound right)

GemmaTeller · 30/10/2013 19:36

'It'll put skin on your back like velvet' as in 'eat this homemade wholesome food...'

Swipe left for the next trending thread