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Original poster

You daft apeth

416 replies

Kasterborous · 30/10/2013 08:50

No, not you but I heard this phrase yesterday and haven't heard it for ages. We used to say it when anyone had done something daft, but in a lighthearted way.

Another old favourite is 'crosspatch' as in 'don't be a crosspatch' when someone is being -well - cross.

OP posts:
TheConstantLurker · 31/10/2013 16:01

Scone-faced, doughy and slightly gormless.
Sweety wifie, a gossip with a sickly sweet way about her.
Arse like the back end of a bus.
Targe, a naughty, spirited child.

Doinmummy · 31/10/2013 15:34

My dad says ' Money and fair words' when you ask him how much something cost.

Also 'looks like the cats died' if trousers are too short.

Up 'ere for thinking (tap head) down 'ere for dancing' (point to feet)

hollyisalovelyname · 31/10/2013 15:21

When a child is the image of his/ her Mum 'like she spat him/ her out of her mouth'
'Well she didn't lick it off the ground' - her Mum/ Dad/ Family behaved the same way.
'Wouldn't give you the steam off his p*ss' - a very mean person.
' a right gobaluuter'' - an eejit

DatsunCogs · 31/10/2013 14:44

She mainly used it when I cheated at monopoly...
My mum says 'sweet Fanny Adams' when she means 'nothing at all'

KissesBreakingWave · 31/10/2013 14:26

Was she implying you're as daft as a hat full of arseholes?

DatsunCogs · 31/10/2013 14:04

Love this thread! My Nan used to say 'you're as artful as a wagonload of monkeys'. I still try to use it!

KissesBreakingWave · 31/10/2013 13:46

I could bite the arse out of a low-flyin' duck. Me belly thinks me throat's cut.

stubbornstains · 31/10/2013 12:37

Going to see a man about a dog: I remember my mum saying this when I was about 6, and being devastated when I got back from school not to find a puppy Sad.

I want to know if there is a euphemism for the sexual act that could possibly be more romantic than....

Banging away like a shithouse door on a Grimsby trawler Grin

diddl · 31/10/2013 12:28

As old as my tongue & a little bit older than my teeth we used to say.

Also, a friend of my dad's-him & her both slim-"you can't fatten a thoroughbred"

LemonMousse · 31/10/2013 12:15

If anyone asked my Gran how old she was she'd say "I'm as old as me little finger and a little bit older than me teeth"

Knotter · 31/10/2013 10:54

'It's a bit black over Bill's mother's' - always wondered about the origin of this! My Mum used this and her Mum, also Wreck of the Hesperus and Wild woman of Borneo. Also my Mum always calls bad drivers 'merchants' - what's this merchant doing? (Cockney - merchant banker = wanker!)

BalloonSlayer · 31/10/2013 09:41

I just LOVE DH says 'I could murder a cup of tea and have strong words with its brother'

Grin Grin Grin

YerDaftApeth · 31/10/2013 09:24

Calling someone 'mouldiwarp' but I'm reading a book at the moment around King Henry VIII reign and there is other theory that calls him the mouldwarp I think it was mouldwarp not got my book on hand to check but it's something very like that. So wonder if that's were it comes from.

pearlgirl · 31/10/2013 08:37

Just reading the title made me think of my dad and smile - he used to say it all the time affectionately- if he was cross then we were blithering idiots.

GemmaTeller · 31/10/2013 08:31

1944girl
We used to say '...must have had a long paper round' referring to someone who looked haggard or older than their years.

DH says 'I could murder a cup of tea and have strong words with its brother'

CuttedUpPear · 31/10/2013 01:43

Ah I love the 'daft apath' phrase.
I used to get called it all the time when I was little (in Brum).

I used to think it was somehow monkey-related (as in ape).
It wasn't until I was in my thirties that I worked it out Blush

hollyisalovelyname · 31/10/2013 01:39

Describing an unlucky person - 'if it was raining soup she'd be out with a fork.'
If you were looking for something and couldn't find it my mum would say'It's up in Nelly's room behind the wallpaper'. Who is Nelly!!!!
A sally rod is a rod made with twigs from hazel I think.

GW297 · 31/10/2013 00:14

Who's she? The cat's mother?

goodasitgets · 31/10/2013 00:08

When putting makeup on "two of sand and one of cement"
Referring to (usually my) skirts "will you put the pelmet back when you've worn it?"
When you're hungry "I could eat a scabby donkey"
I recognise most of these especially piffy and mithered

1944girl · 31/10/2013 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OnTheBottomWithAWomansWeekly · 30/10/2013 23:54

As useful as an underwater hair dryer
Face like a wet weekend (both fairly self explanatory)

However I always thought it was "There'll be wigs on the green" as in olden days when men wore wigs, if they fought, the wigs would fall off?

Neck like a jockey's bollox (I.e. a hard neck - the nerve of him)

I could eat a nun's leg through the convent gates with no salt or pepper on it

I haven't laughed so much since me mammy caught her diddies in the mangle (ouch!)

MrsBodger · 30/10/2013 23:39

A Lancashire phrase of my mum's, to be said if someone was rude about something of yours:

'It's clean and it's paid for.'

lokijet · 30/10/2013 23:33

I should cocoa

You are a gannet

Ablababla · 30/10/2013 23:25

Our family always said they were off to 'spend a penny' when nipping to the loo.

My gran used to say the woman across the road was 'no better than she should be' (what does that even mean?) and 'all fir coat and no kickers'.

clam · 30/10/2013 23:12

"Were you born in a barn?" (if you'd left the door open)
"What's for tea? Bread and pull it"
"She was giving him the glad eye" (flirting)