You daft apeth

I use so many of these I guess most come form my parents.

I am always telling the kids/pets to Pack it in or there'll be big trouble.
My DM always calls people ratbags.
Guts for Garters.
Dozy Hap'th
Dragged through a hedge backwards
Knock you into the middle of next week
Having a jaw
Thick as two short planks
I'll give you something to cry about

There are more, but I can't think as I never realised these were so old fashioned. I will have to be on the look out. By grandad is always saying things which make the DC confused.

When I was 10, we moved from a suburb in the West Midlands out into rural Shropshire - and I had to learn a whole lot of new phrases. My favourite was 'Shut your cake-'ole' for 'shut up'. Another one was 'you munna say dunna, 'cos it inna right' - translation, you mustn't say don't because it isn't right!

My grandad used to call daft ha'porth when we were little, was years before I knew what it meant.

Another one that seems a bit retro now is berk, as in "he's a right berk" - that was widely used when I was growing up but seem to have largely disappeared.

Oh and "I'll give him a punch up the bracket".

Saying nai at the end of the sentence used to be common where I live. It doesn't mean anything and is the equivalent of 'init', as in 'it was a good night last night, nai?'

Also, something which I think is very regional (judging by the reaction of people not from here) is 'I've seen my bum/arse'. It's means you are pissed off with something or or someone. As children we used the shortened version of 'spied yours!' which we would say to someone who had 'seen their bum'.

Similar to meither, my mum used to complain if we moidered her.

Fur coat and no knickers

My dad says more tea vicar when he burps or farts as well.

My mum used to say pin back your lug holes to us when she wanted to tell us something.

If my dad burped or farted he would say "ooh, more tea vicar?" What does that mean?!

My favourite is "rushing around like a blue-arsed-fly" generally shortedened to Baf around children.

And "better than a poke with a sharp stick up your left nostril"

My mum also used to say "the wind'll change" if we made a sulky face and apparently we woul be stuck like that.

also 'better than a slap round the face with a cold fish'

If my brother and I were fighting and moaned to my mum she used to say "it was six of one and half a dozen of the other." It took me years to understand it.

She also used to say, if we coughed, "choke up chicken."

If I was being grumpy when I was little my grandma would call me a "Pogly pussage", or say I was "being pogly". Apparently I made it up but I don't remember. I now use that phrase with my children. That will totally out me To any family on here.

SDTG that sounds more like it wrt the Wreakin

We also have 'better than a poke in the eye with a pointy stick'

If you're walking somewhere you're going on " shanks' pony"

Banono What about 'there'll be trouble with a capital T'?

or You'll be laughing on the other side of your face.

These are bringing back lots of memories. I still say some of them to my DC - they are .

If we misbehaved as kids my Cumbrian grandfather used to tell us to stop it "or I'll skift your onions". We had no idea what it meant, and no inclination to find out!

I was going to say Mugwump is from Harry Potter (and it is!)

But google says:

[[http://www.thefreedictionary.com/mugwump

mug·wump (mgwmp)
n.

1. A person who acts independently or remains neutral, especially in politics.
2. often Mugwump A Republican who bolted the party in 1884, refusing to support presidential candidate James G. Blaine.]]

See, we dun lerned sumfin.

My friends nan used to exclaim well FUCK ME PINK.

At embarrassing times!

Stardusty my mum used to say shine a light instead of shite and sugar instead of shit. Fiddle me pink was instead of fuck. Flap was instead of flip (for flap's sake )

Also my uncle used to tell his dcs to stop 'gowling' i think it was a mix of gurning and howling.

'If he fell off the co-op he'd land in the divi' = he's very lucky

A winder = a clout round the head.

Mind you the word clout is a bit old fashioned in itself.

'You dirty article'. That makes me laugh, I say it to dd.

It means he can't see through you ILove! i.e. if you were like a window then you standing between him and the idiot box like a fart in a trance wouldn't be a problem. As it is you are opaque and therefore, more door-like

Im in NI and i say gutties or runners for trainers. I didnt know it was colloquial until i joined MN

My dad has lots of funny sayings.

The oddest one is 'its a kick start for a trotting banty' when referring to a vehicle with a very small engine. Like a small motorbike.

Another on is if someone farts he says "come in dungannon i know your knock"

"I have an uncle who still says 'Na then' instead of hello"

I'm in Germany & people here say "Na?" as a greeting!