You daft apeth

Not sure if this is exclusive to the North East but 'I've a kitchen like a midden' (outdoor toilet - non flushing variety!) meaning my kitchen is in need of a good clean/tidy up.

Often say to DD2 who loves baking 'Don't you dare leave that kitchen like a midden mind!'

it was neither arm'ole nor breakfast time

My favourite "sweary" phrase is hell's bells. Or hell's bells and buckets of blood if something really bad has happened!
My sisters and I also still sometimes say "My flabber has never been so gasted" when expressing surprise at something. That came from an audio tape of Cinderella we had as children - I think one of the ugly sisters said it.

My mums favourite threats:

'Do you want a slap?'

'You'd better put your face straight before I straighten it for you' = stop sulking

'Don't make me get up' = stop acting up/romping about before I have to get up and manhandle remonstrate with you.

'You can sort that midden of a bedroom out before you go anywhere'

'Do I look like I was born yesterday?'

'Well, I never, I'll go the foot of our stairs and jump off '

"I've been running about like a blue-arse fly in a thunderstorm"

Mugwump predates Harry Potter by decades .... and is a bird which sits on telephone wires with its mug facing one way and its wump the other!
Usually in the autumn...
(at least, that's what it was in Oxfordshire in the 1950's. I have no idea if the bird had to have republican leanings or not - presumably only if it was migrating to the US)

My mother knew someone who always used to express surprise by saying "well I'll go to the foot of our stairs"! I still don't know why.

"Excuse my French" - said politely to one's audience after a tirade of four letter words

"Don't get many of those to a pound!" translates as "Good gracious, what a lovely large pair of breasts you are lucky enough to have, Madam."

Yes to mugwump!! - wtf is a mugwump?

I tell DS to 'Stop wittering on' I say wittering all the tim too. Is it not a normal word?

daft ha'porth and crosspatch remind me of my gran. I use both expressions almost daily to my cats so hadn't really realised they were now rare.

My gran would always talk about 'spending a penny' as well.

One I used to love - my grandad used to say that my gran was 'dolloping her clock up' when she was doing her make up.

No use to man nor beast, guts for garters....I must be V old fashioned, but I use so many of the sayings on here regularly! (Only 32...)Also swings and roundabouts (meaning something similar to six of one and half a dozen of the other). It's now dawning on me that a lot of people may well think I use really strange expressions, when in my head I'm using perfectly normal ones

amicissima - glad it wasn't just my family who mentioned farts in trances/ hanging about like one..

Getting up early was also 'at the crack of a sparrow's fart' (still is)

And if you had a lot of bubbles in your tea, you had 'money in your cup'. The fact they disappeared rapidly seemed appropriate!

Talking through a hole in yer heid meant talking nonsense - we had shut yer geggy too.

You're about as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest

My mum used to say, "take that off or you won't feel the benefit" if I was wearing a coat or jacket inside.

There are a few that I think are specific to my hometown, Hull, like tenfoot and tansad.

"Looks like the back end of a bus" or "looks like two badgers fighting in a sack" or "you don't look at the mantelpiece when you're poking the fire" were all uncomplimentary.

"Well go to the top of our stairs"
"You're neither use nor ornament"

Sky hooks, tartan paint and left handed spanners

Yeah to fart in a colander and shut yer cakehole and (I sense a theme) shut yer mouth and give yer arse a chance or shut yer gigi.

When asked what was for lunch my Nan would always say 'two ducks a duck in and a duck out'.

If me legs were long enough I'd kick me own arse, if you've made a mistake.

I use to have a dog called Apeth.

you look like a bag o' muck tied up ugly.

Keith I used to call people berks as a child! Had no idea until I just read your post what it meant! It was a playground insult.

Swings & roundabouts - you go up & down & you go round & round

No use to man nor beast - still use it!

Sky blue pink with yellow dots on

Someone upthread mentioned Berk.... rhyming slang for cunt. (Berkshire Hunt) I prefer berk, and am going to do my utmost to single handedly restore it's popularity! :)

My gran used to use pooseyfrumpture, as in "Mrs Smith was round yesterday, with all her pooseyfrumpture" (Mrs Smith was a bit of a Hyacinth Bucket type) so pooseyfrumpture meant, I imagine, assumed airs and graces.

I strongly suspect my gran made the word up, as I have never, ever, heard another soul say it outside of my family.

SDTG my grandmother used to say skybluepink with a finny haddy border .

Blood and sand. Said instead of bloody hell.

Don't get many of them to the lb. Meaning someone had big boobs usually.

Bread rolls are breadcakes.
Teacakes are sweet with currants in.
Baps are boobs!

My grandad used to say 'down the bamboo shoot' to get us to eat up.

Spice means sweets.

Pog means your seat.

Gloryhole is a pantry or cupboard inside and coalhole is an outdoor shed or building.

Apples where there's orchards. When someone better off won anything.

Their cat ran up our entry.......When talking about a family who were related but not closely.

He/she's got a face like a slapped arse.......not very happy.

You could ride bare arsed to China on that...When a knife or scissors were not very sharp.

Mutton dressed as lamb....Mother trying to dress/look like her teenage daughter and failing.

Queer as a nine bob (shilling) note......There was no such thing as a nine bob note. It was a 10 shilling note.