You daft apeth

Anyone else ever heard this expression that my mum used to say:
‘Mother’s leg in half a stocking’ ?

Like herding cats - impossible task

PMSL at these. My mum also used to go on about 'the wild woman of Borneo' and 'you're like a fart in a colander', thought they were figments of her imagination!

Also: 'you don't look at the mantlepiece when you're poking the fireplace' (why men do the dirty with ugly women...) and 'she'd say anything but her prayers' (for liars/women of ill repute).

From colleagues: 'it's like knitting fog!' (when something/someone was exasperating) and 'I could eat a buttered frog' (when very hungry).

I heard a new word from my Yorkshire grandma this weekend & thought of this thread

DS2 (4 yo & healthy weight) eats whenever he can, he's always on the lookout for crisps/biscuits/sweets/chocolates that I don't tend to have at home but Yorkshire Grandma has them in ceramic bowls dotted around the surfaces. So he asked for some crisps & had a couple, then he had a peanut or 2, then he had 2 biscuits then he asked for some chocolate & YG turned to me with a startled look & said 'blimey, he's a little grompher isn't he!'

What a great word! & it describes him perfectly! It can also be used as a verb eg he is gromphing all the Roses!

I'd forgotten about 'built like a brick shit house' love that one

DH says 'mad as a box of frogs', I'd never heard it until then.

Like your nn thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter is it from Father Ted? I'm the OP by the way, I name changed.

Built like a brick shit house

daft as a brush/box of frogs

..thanks OP will be obsessing about this now

Useful as a chocolate fire guard/teapot

My grandad used to say 'I'll go to our house' rather than to the foot of our stairs.
I love these sayings, I'm from Yorkshire, and use lots of them. It's my cultural heritage!

KD (used to be) Khaki Drill, a pale brown cotton fabric used by the Army. So surplus stores sold e.g. KD shorts ( left over from service in North Africa or other hot dry places)

"Rabbit" is from "Rabbit and Pork" (talk)
In London (perhaps elsewhere) butchers in poor districts didn't carry beef or mutton from farms, but cheap local meat, and there were Rabbit and Pork butchers.

Anyone know why my mum called a hat a kaydee?
She is long since dead so I cant ask but her dad was a docker in Southampton, her mum jewish and when GP died the family moved so nan could work in Woolwich arsenal.
Could be yiddish, army or naval slang. Probably spelt wrong but I've googles and cant find anything.....

Red hat, no knickers!
No better than she ought to be!
A sandwich short of a picnic!

Oh yes 'cheese please Louise' we say that to DD a lot!

My MIL always says 'upsy Daisy, downs a buttercup' if DD falls over.

Pardon Mrs Harden, there's a pig in your back garden!

Who's "she", the cat's mother? (when you referred to a woman as she, rather than her name)

Cheese please, Louise.

Shut up and give your arse a chance!

You give my arse headache.

Couldn't catch a pig in an alley (bow-legged person)

Fur coat, no knickers.

What's that, scotch mist?! (or chopped liver, for variation!) - i use this A LOT with my son who can never find anything!

bracket means nose.

We also used to say "It gets right up my bracket"

rhyming slang perhaps? Bracket and . . . urm . . .

Spotty Muldoon isn't from the Goon Show is it? Or am I confusing it with the Dreaded Lurgy?

Paul O'Grady came out with a classic on the Telly yesterday "Leaky as a glass blower's arse"

If we left lights switched on in empty rooms, my Dad would go round turning them off and chanting "have mercy on the man who pays the bills!"

'Stuck there like a shag on a rock'
That's one I've seen on Digitalspy and I immediately loved it. I've used a few times but I just get funny looks not unusual
Here in Hull people say 'chowing' to describe people arguing or making a fuss. That's how I've interpreted it anyway.
'Rough as a bears arse' is also one of my personal faves.

'bobbins' is more a thing of little worth, so instead of being rubbish, something's bobbins.

I love Skrike (cry), apparently it comes from the Scandinavian for scream so probably came over with the vikings. I think it was the Killing Series One which ended with the killer saying "I heard her scream" really slowly and I recognised skrike (or something similar).

My Nan had a great turn of phrase. If one of us grandkids moaned that one of us had sweets and the others didn't she'd say "And if I give her a shitty stick would you want one an' all?", well no, but she's got a Wagon Wheel.

We also had 'How's yer belly for spots?' and 'Spotty Muldoon', no idea where that one came from.

if we were sulking we would get 'pick your chin up off the floor' usually followed by 'Appy Annie'. used to piss me off even more!

my mum used to say 'dink' as in 'you silly dink' (affectionately!)

It's "born on a bus" in London

YY to daft apeth, born in a barn, mithering, ginnels, teacakes etc. East Lancashire here.

DH is always most confused when i tell the kids to "Get up them dancers" - Go up the stairs.

My Grandad's favourites include "Rough as a badgers arse (either feeling rough or describing someone as)" and "Well i'll show my arse at big lamp (suprised)"

Grandma - "Well i go t'back of our church" and "Yer pots for rags you are (daft)"

We used to say 'more front than Blackpool' rather than Woolworths but same meaning.

Hadn't heard about 'done up like a pussy's lunch' dogs dinner one I knew, might have to use it now!

Tied up like a sack of washing/ like a sack of shit tied ugly - untidy person
Well shit in a hat an punch it - I declare!
Done up like a dog's dinner/pussy's lunch - dressed up
More front than Woolworths - Cheeky person
In and out like a fiddler's elbow/ up and down like a whores drawers/ like a fart in a colander - can't sit still.
We use 'chews bread for our ducks'
Shit order - posh dress

Today I've called DD a Daft Apeth and a giddy kipper.