Strangest complaint you've ever received

Completely forgot about the complaints we regularly receive about the slides in the swing park being wet when its raining. Or that the Highland cows/Shetland pony are standing in mud/snow/rain.

I worked in a deli years back and a woman came in asking for £1 worth of Brie. So I cut her this tiny wedge, it came to 99p (I am good at cheese ), she paid and left. Five minutes later she returned to complain that her pece of cheese was too small. The boss gave her a refund to get rid of her.

We get calls all the time for a chinese takeaway. Some are most put out whe I say they have ths wrong number. I should cook them something - that would ensure they never bother us again!

I also used to run a small café. it was called truffles and had a chocolate theme. I was famous for my chocolate brownies. one day, a regular customer brought one of my brownies back (first and only time) complaining his wife said the chocolate cakes weren't 'cooked properly'

I went into full-on Gordon Ramsay rant. Shouting and screaming about the being philistines. Not knowing and understanding what a 'brownie' is (i.e. not chocolate cake, but squidgy, dense, chocolate squares)

I HATED them for years. They came back. Arseholes. It was Nigella's recipe. What makes me so sad is that Nigella this year didn't defend herself against her vile husband. For some reason that made it worse.

I have also been on Masterchef. I think I may now be a diva.

Pmsl at the mice with dirty balls :)

I work at a city farm, cue moans from visitors about the smell hmm imagine that it smells like a farm . Get the odd complaint from people who've been bitten by something they were feeding... while standing next to a sign asking them not to feed the animals. But i think my favourite was a youth leader who complained when i gave her a row for allowing a child in her care to climb into a field full of potentially dangerous animals weeps
Get loads of weird ones from people who don't know about animals but that's what i'm there for. If you've never seen a chicken dust bathe then you would think it was having a stroke.

I was in a shop with a lady complaining her children were tramatized by a video her older son had bought. It was Shaun of the Dead and her children were 8 and 10 .She was going to write to the director saying it was misrepresented as a commedy.

I had a man having a go at me when he called my home phone. The number is advertised as a roofing company for some unknown reason the conversation went a bit like this:

'Hi can I speak to the manager'

'sorry this isn't a business phone number'

'But it was on the van'

'I'm really sorry but this is my personal phone number'

'Well what is the number then?'

'I don't know, as I'm not them!'

'You're not being very helpful, I'm going to complain when I speak to the manager'

'I don't care as I don't work for them!'

I had to hang up, as he just wouldn't listen!

My company organises lots of events and we've had some absolute classics. My favourite, from someone who had received and eaten a lovely and free meal, the cuttlery apparently was 'too heavy'.

What do you even say to that?

This isn't me personally, but a Chinese buffet near to where I live puts letters and e-mails from its customers (good and bad) on the walls near the entrance. On the way out one day I stopped to look at a hand-written letter the management had attached to one of the complaints. It read somewhere along the lines of 'The management here at (name of buffet) welcome all customers apart from the people who sent the letter. We do not believe in the discrimination of disabled people. Do not read if sensitive' etc.

I read the e-mail and it was a complaint from some heartless bastard moaning that a party of children with special needs should have been moved into the corner of the restaurant as they were 'making funny noises' and ruined his and his family's meal, and that they shouldn't be allowed near 'normal' members of the public.

Good on the management for calling the pricks out instead of brushing it under the carpet.

Years ago I worked in a restaurant. A customer sent his pizza back to the kitchen because the anchovies tasted fishy and salty.

Puppy, love the non-grieving widow.

at the cat looking at the bird table too much.

3 from working at a fairground.
The water in the log flume was real, customer assumed it was fake.
I had not dried the seats on a ride, it was outside and still raining.
I had apparently shortened the ride on a WOODEN rollercoaster.

I remember as a drunk student writing a letter to the people who make "I can't believe it's not butter" complaining that we could, in fact, believe it wasn't butter...

They sent us some vouchers and thanked us for our feedback!

I got told I was a disgrace, and the shop keeper was threatened with the police, for selling me wine and beer at 7pm at night in my 'school uniform'. It was a real rant. I was a 21 year old prison officer on my way home with my coat over my uniform. Ffs I was In my car! The shopkeeper had known me almost all my life and did serve me in sixth form uniform once I was 18.

'Why have you got BOOKS?!'

From someone touring our offices. I had no idea how to answer that one, apart from 'we do book reviews'... She was genuinely outraged.

Loving the flowers living too long :o

I had a lady shout at me for 45 minutes as she felt our company were breaking data protection by publishing her bills on 'that Internet' so everyone can see. No matter how much I tried to explain she wouldn't have it.

It clearly said on her bill 'your bill can be viewed online at www.abcde.co.uk

She was clearly really confused and had told me she never used the internet but she was just so horrible to me that after 45 mins I told her we weren't getting anywhere and I would be ending the call. She'd had one too many swear warnings anyway.

A woman complained that she was allergic to aircon and insisted that she got the seat that was being cleaned (someone had spilt juice underneath it so the whole thing needed wiped before it got sticky.) The thing is, the cafe had just been refurbed and was still awaiting an aircon system to be fitted so she was talking shite. I pointed this out to her and she said 'well, there is a cold blast coming from somewhere,' to which I replied 'You did leave the front door open on your way in. Would you like me to close it?'

NoSplash, you really made me laugh and read your username in a different light!

I had a parent complain I had charged out of a classroom and ran after her son screaming. I hadn't! I'd called after him "you've left your phone on the desk!" (it was a Friday afternoon!)

whilewildeisonmine none of that surprises me!! I get at least one customer like the woman you described in a week!!

When I worked in a well known pub chain a lady complained and it wasn't that she didn't have the right it's more the facts he was so apologetic about and mortified when really she should've been raging. Her apple and blackberry pie and custard, was, in fact, steal pie and custard.

I worked at a big supermarket customer service desk and one day a man brought a whole 12 pack of toilet rolls back because the perforations didn't match up!

A 45 minute phone call that I hadn't presented his daughter with her summer reading challenge certificate fast enough. My arguments against being able to present it any faster were (1) the challenge had only ended two days ago (2) the certificates hadn't arrived from the printers yet (3) if1 and 2 were not enough, it was up to the schools to allow us into assembly, not up to me to turn up without permission and (4) I had 12 different schools to fit in, so someone was always going to be last.

Apparently none of those answers were good enough, I had let myself down and the library down, and the children down. He wanted the phone number of the city librarian and was going to complain about me. I told him that he was welcome to try.