the kids have named the baby budgie....

Proud Mum Moment, when booking bird into clinic

"and, does the budgie have a name?"

"erm, yep, Graeme"

"Oh. That's unusual"

"....explanation...."

"ha ha ha, that's brilliant. Your kids should name all the pets"

My kids have a talent! At last!

voodoo geckos are nocturnal too? The snake's fairly nocturnal, but, it's happy to be hauled out for a grapple at 3.30pm.

Mad, I expect you get asked this a lot - but, erm, 15 rats? On purpose? Or, did you land up with one, unexpectedly pregnant, rat? spawning all over the place, like Alien

Thanks, quote, that's where we're going.

He's sitting on my shoulder, preening my hair. And, pooping down my back.

Awww.

Found a vet - the university have an "exotics" clinic. So, that's on Thursday.

Graeme's ticking along, eating well, starting to nibble on stuff - but, he's 7 weeks and should be behaving like an adult budgie.

There's a bit of failure to thrive, really. ANd, he was sick this morning. And, he's really thirsty. So, I wonder whether he's got a wee infection?

This budgie is costing me a fortune. He'd better live and love me forever. And, develop a talent for ironing or hoovering or something else that I hate...

blardy bird.

Hope he's ok.

Ever tried to put a bra on a budgie?

I have.

A "crop bra" is cut out of that sticky stretchy bandage stuff and supports the bird's crop. I thought the problem was that his crop was stretched. Having been twice savaged by Graeme during the bra fitting process I have decided that he is actually ok.

I think he's 5 weeks now, Coffee. We're in Edinburgh, which has a shortage of avian vets, it seems.

Anyhoo, he's got a runny bum but doesn't seem bothered by that,isn't much keen on feeding himself and just wants attention all the time. Which makes me think he might be a boy...ha ha ha.

I have 7 kids here today. And, Graeme will need feeding every two hours. Is it too early for wine?

I'm overly emotionally involved with Graeme. He's not doing well, and, I'm all worried.

He's feeding, but doesn't really hop about, and won't feed himself - according to vet Google he should be self-weaning about now.

Put up the Big Cage, hoping that more space would encourage some running about - nope.

And, he's got a runny bum.

So, back to two-hourly feeds and bathing and blow drying him.

It's a bit like having a newborn. A sort of scraggy, ugly newborn.

I luffs him. He likes to sit on your foot and catch a ride as you walk about, which is a very sensible thing to do. He'd better be ok.

Want a laugh?

Graeme the grey budgie has grown blue feathers overnight.

Could. Not. Make. This. Crap. Up.

I started with a wee tank like that, Don't. Gatway pet, a temperate tank. Can be beautiful, and easy to maintain too.

Ours doesn't puff - they only do it if harrassed.

Oh Don't yep, we've got fish too. Started off with guppies and the usual tropicals. Now got a puffer fish. Who is fairly awesome, but, that reminds me, I MUST clean that tank tomorrow.

Tank cleaning is a fiddly job. Especially with a fish who wants to jump out the water and say "hi".

Reindeer - having investigated every possibility of petdom imaginable, then, yes, I can recommend a tortoise.

If housed correctly they are a doddle. Don't buy from a petshop (big trade of farmed torties imported from Eastern Europe) and don't house in a vivarium. Get one from the RSPCA or a breeder and bung it in a "tortoise table" (yes, that's what it's called. Sounds like something CITES should be confiscating, but there you go).

Speaking of CITES - you need a certificate. That's why a breeder's a good idea.

They are prone to respiratory diseases if kept in too humid an atmosphere. You know, like a glass tank. Petshops want to sell you the viv for profit, not for the tortoise.

Ours is in an indoor guineapig hutch. He has a UVB and a basking lamp (they need that for warmth and to help absorb calcium) so it works well as the burning hot lights are safely under the wire away from small fingers.

They are happiest outside in the sun - but, get a good enclosure. Those buggers are not slow, and can dig themselves into the ground in a flash. We've lost ours a couple of times (now solved by DD taking him for "a walk" on "a lead" made out of ribbon tied round him like he is a Christmas parcel. Odd, but works. Tortoise seems unfussed.

If you house them inside with a lamp then they don't need to hibernate. Things have moved on since Blue Peter - who killed thousands of tortoises with their crap advice - they need to be at least 4 years old to hibernate, and it's only really worth it if you want to breed it.

The other problem is feeding the wrong stuff. No pellets, no dog food, no crap, just weeds. We have a reputation for "weeding the neighbourhood" - any dandelion on the school run gets plucked.

Having said that, he is partial to a bit of pak choi and pea shoots.

And, he gets a bath every other day, ours is a bit of a reluctant drinker - and the one and only time I dealt with tortoise constipation motivates me to keep him well hydrated .

He's really interesting, totally cool - and, a CELEBRITY TORTOISE!

We adopted him from the SSPCA after he was found abandoned on a railway line in a storm. I'd been looking into getting one for ages for DD - saw it on twitter, called the SSPCA, now the happy owners of a tortoise.

Who'll live for another 70 years or so. DD's problem.