The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

A person who shall remain nameless cough cough was VERY happy over the weekend to receive a rather expensive Charlie Bear Panda from her DH as a birthday present. She noted in the shop the bears name was 'monium'. About three hours later, back at home and having a cuppa I suddenly SHE suddenly realised why it was called 'Monium'.

DS was an early reader, phonetics were a bit of a stretch for him at 3 so you can imagine my extreme embarrassment when he pointed to the Fuchsia in the packed garden centre and shouted "ooooh Mum that Fuck Sia is lovely!"

Was once discussing a method for making quick pizzas for the children using pitta breads as the base, spread with tomato sauce and various toppings with my MIL and SIL. MIL looked at me aghast. 'I would never do that,' she said. 'It would be a waste of pitta bread.' SIL and I very confused. She then elaborated. 'When the bakers have gone to all the trouble of making pitta bread pockets, it's a waste not to use them.' SIL and I completely lost for words.

Yay! In Classics now- Thanks, HQ!

When I was watching the Olympic diving I asked, in all seriousness, how the cameraman following the divers was able to beat them into the water. DH had to explain that the camera was on a rail.

I should have said the continental European union there. There's always a right hoo-ha when the train stops at the Swiss border.....

To be fair, if you're travelling overland in continental Europe you don't normally have to show your passport when crossing borders.

Dad (a bit of a softy) was on holiday in India and noticed at midday the cows from the local fields would come into the centre of the village to shelter from the heat, under the trees. One day he decided to give them a treat so gave the housekeeper some money to buy some hay the next day so he could feed them. The housekeeper dutifully did so.

The next day when the cows appeared Dad held the hay and started calling 'come on cows ..... come get something to eat'
The housekeeper was really surprised when the cows came trotting over to be fed and dad was asked 'do cows speak English too?'

Bless

Amra

I know . I will never live it down. It will be on my gravestone.

A goat!! Bwa-haha!!

"A goat by any other name will smell as vile"....

sorry, not differnet species of homo sapiens, but various other homo-somethings around the world who evolved differently at different times.

I still insist that chickens fly properly. Like blackbirds. I cannot get my head round a non flying chicken.

My other classic is misremembering Shakespearean quotes.

"A goat by any other name" is the one my DH will never let me forget. He has told me that if I do not post this, he will join MN and post it for me.

Brilliant thread! I'm going to nominate it for Classics....

"And a chicken is a chicken for its first year, after which it is a hen."

really? i thought that hen and cock were simply the terms for female/male chickens?

"My father: "Chinese people come from a different species of monkey"

I am in NO way an expert on this, but there were different "species" of homo sapiens (?) evolved/descended in different ways in diff parts of the world presumably from a different ape-like beginnings?

American living in Europe discussing the terrible weather we had in the spring. "Yes, Africa is the only place in Europe that is having any sun at the moment".

Ok then...

My very intelligent friend thought that Google invented (and therefore owned) the Internet.

Trills, gotcha, I understand it now I've re-read it.

WMittens - yes, that's the point. He shouldn't have been confused or surprised by this information

We saw an albino peacock once. DH told the dcs that 'the white ones are the female peacocks'

My Dad (who was actually a very intelligent, grammar school boy) once asked my Mum in surprise 'So, was Jesus a Jew, then?'

Erm, Jesus was a Jew.

My Dh, we were playing mini golf at the time "is that a real or a fake peacock?" It was a genuine questin.
He has many gems like that. He's bright with a mentally taxing job but a little lacking in commen sense

Libertine - I know it's a typo but I love pain stupid. So stupid it hurts :)

I gave one of the mum's from school a lift home the other day, she stated that of everyone in Africa just stopped bloody shagging there would be enough food!? I didn't even argue, you can't argue with pain stupid.

A friend on attending a car boot sale with me for the first time,

"What do people do with all these car boots, Golden?"

Same friend, when I told her I would look on Amazon for something for her, "Where is the Amazon shop? I've never seen it"

Also, she had a lump (well not really a lump, more an irritation in her armpit) Dr sent her to Breast Clinic, just to be absolutely certain, the Dr there asked if anyone in her family had ever had any kind of breast problems or cancer, friend replied "Yes, my sister was in hospital last year with a chest infection"

Thank you, me too!

lol at your examples.

Penny has dropped r.e the tunnel. Quicker. Of course. Hope your cold gets better soon