The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

My lovely friend - who has a degree from Oxford - was convinced she didn't need her passport for our holiday to France "because it's in the EU"...

My normally intelligent DH: what's the difference between a chicken and a hen?
Me: Er, a hen is a female chicken
DH: please do not tell anyone I asked that!

Choccyjules that's an utterly ridiculous/hysterical comment is it? Seems a pretty straightforward statement on the difference between weaning an 18-month-old and a 2 and a half year old to me.

I love the 'wouldn't it be great if real life was in 3D' one MaidOfStars

One of my friends said to our friend (who we knew was suffering from cancer) "Oh Wow, Have you lost weight?" My second friend did point out to the first that she wasn't feeling particularly hungry.

Are fish arboreal or amphibious?

Er neither DH. Try aquatic. What's worse was he was looking at OUR fish at the time!
And from the same man while picking fruit:

What are these plummy looking things?

Those would be plums. He's really very clever honest!

Am aware this one may excite a branch of MN but here goes:

My friend recently complaining that her DD2 won't stop BF aged 18 months. 'I can't explain to her, you see. I could talk about it to DD2 as she was a year older than that when I stopped feeding her'.

Me (sorry folks)

My friend likes to tell people how well her daughter is doing in school. Apparently she's top of the class for reading.

If she ever bothered to get involved, or turn up for parents evening, or do the school run every once in a while instead of getting her mum to do it, or even looked at the bloody reading diary and did a bit of reading at home with her dd, she would know that her dd is really struggling with reading and has to have extra help. I know this because I help out at school. I probably read with her daughter more than she does. In fact I know I do because I have never seen anything from her in the reading diary.

"We went to see [film name] in 3D last week. It looked ace. Wouldn't it be brilliant if real life was in 3D?".

But MrsGeologist I find that remarkable.

I am completely

At work I was asked my plans for the weekend by a regular patient. I replied that I was going to a science fiction convention.

"I didn't know you believed in UFOs"!

You know, I didn't because I was still at that stage where I could scarcely deal with it myself. I tried to earnestly explain why it wasn't that all, while he smirked at me with his smug know it all face. I remember it every time I see him and involuntarily clench my fists even though he's always very nice since my SECOND child was diagnosed with ASD. He's never apologised though.

No, she was very good at her job, and had been to university, she wasn't stupid. Her grasp of general knowledge was just god awful.

Sparkly tbh that's just nasty and ignorant.
I hope you told them where to stick their views!

"And do you still hold such incredibly right wing views?"

After I mentioned I was in the army for a couple of years.

"Have you ever considered that your ds's problems may be because you and his Dad split up?"

Ds has ASD, Dyspraxia, hypermobility and sensory processing disorder.

I think I should add that my friend is really bright and very good at her job. She can just be a bit....thoughtless?

My favourite was when I was living in Malaysia and my friend asked about the guy I was dating. I said he was pretty cool and had ridden to Cambodia on his motorbike. How did he do that she asked, utterly bewildered. He rode North, through Thailand and into Cambodia I said perplexed.

She was staggered that this was possible. She thought you had to fly between countries and had never heard of crossing borders overland. She was studying tourism at the time and had previously gone to Singapore overland.

She is now working in tourism.

I had a friend on FB Dobbie who was doing the same. I had to delete her when she posted that Mothers were responsible for their baby's cot deaths if they had allowed them to have inoculations :(

mrsGeologist and Obamaself - I feel bad at laughing at these, surely the people in question are in the bottom few% of IQs, can't hold down a job, live independently etc. :(

Dobbie are you quite sure he didn't have mh issues? Does sound really rather worrying. BTW people with mh issues can be pleasant and intelligent too.

Said by a friend several years ago

'Why did George Bush blow up the twin towers?'

And her dp is in the forces.

My SIL has a framed certificate qualifying her to carry out Goddess readings.

Lewisham?!!

Thanks for the tip, ginmakesitallok - I'll add it to my shopping list.

these are hilarious.

my friend once asked me what creative writing was. I was studying a degree in it and she thought it meant caligraphy and thought I was wasting money getting a degree in "poncey writing"