The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

Years ago after buying a new television, Friend said

'ooh did you buy a tv with MTV on it? '

I must blame pregnancy at the time but once DH and I drove past a lake and there was a large white goose in the road. I said "That looks exactly like Jemima Puddleduck?..Is Jemima Puddleduck a Goose?". Seem the clue is in her name. Bad hormones!

I was talking to a friend about a mutual friend who kept breeding her rabbits for sale.

Me: I hear they've had another another litter. Seems a bit irresponsible when they had trouble finding homes for the last lot.
Friend: It's ok, they can always get the RPSCA to take them can't they?

choccy, I don't get yours. What was ridiculous about that?

[Grin] at real life not being 3d.

Overheard by a teacher I once knew, two boys talking:

Boy 1: Guess what, my dad looked out of the window last night and he saw a man shagging a dog!

Boy2: (after a pause) Whose dog was it?

Oh my god ghostsgowhoosh.i would have slapped her.my son has ADHD.i would rather not get any help financially for him to have a child with out it.its soul destroying to watch a child with this.bad parenting my arse

Ok, this from my very intelligent dd, (now 17, was 15 at the time but...)
When a paralympian visited their school, she was mesmerised by his blade runners, and his false legs. He lifted his tracksuit legs up to show the steel of his false legs,leading to a pair of Nike trainers, she turned to her friend and said......

'Do you think he still has his feet?'

Highly intelligent girl but fuck all common sense.

Ex when I was pregnant.

Me: when the baby comes you won't be able to leave pennies lying around like that incase they put them in their mouth.
Him: why? Will they get copper poisoning?

Me: DS has a new football coach.
DM: what's he like?
Me; It's a she.
DM: aand he ACCEPTS that??

Green Mum got me a dress better than the bridesmaid one I was meant to wear and I posed for pictures with leg on show.

Cheeky basterd had cheek to try bollock me.

I'm not sure if this one belongs here, but I've never quite worked it out and I do so love telling it. Overheard (by me) in the fruit and veg aisle in Sainsburys:

Customer 1: "That's a strange place to put the tomatoes".

Customer 2: "It is, isn't it?"

I once met someone who believed Egypt wasn't a real place, she believed it was just made up in stories

Dp once asked me 'where on earth do maggots come from anyway? They turn up in places but you never see them moving around the place'

Me 'erm, are you serious?'

Dp 'what?'

Me 'they're baby flies!'

Dp 'are they?!'

Me [rolls on floor laughing]

DM, in front of my DC, this summer, "have you been to Asda? It's like a (lowers voice) fucking mosque!" DC and I

All these from the same person..

"They can tell the sex at the 12 week scan , because they can count the chromosomes on the screen"

"Germolene is dangerous for children, as fumes get into them and can make them faint"

"Balding men should not shave their heads, as the hair will know it's not wanted and stop growing completely"

..and my on a totally different planet SAHM neighbour who has three kids at private school, 3 cars for a 2 adult household, 7 bedrooms, a second home in Spain and a third one in Dorset... "Oh we've got noooooo money (whine!!!)"

Off their rockers - both of them!

SP I hate your uncle for doing that to you. How mean

Am a recently joined lurker but had to post. This is something my DF overheard my DS and one of her friends saying a year or so ago.

DS: "wouldn't it be great if you could choose your baby from a baby shop?"
DS friend (who's a Med student) : "isn't that, like, what orphanages are?"

Me: Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire yet?

MIL: No, Maureen doesn't like Indians.

Hitler Hitler.

Me to person I'd only just met: "How old is your DS?"
Her: "He's 5, with a reading age of 14.."

I've heard of stealth boasting, but...

Sparkly that's really ignorant. It's even worse than some of the miscarriage crap I got - "of course you were always going to lose the baby because you were in mourning for your mother".. blimey.

An Aussie friend of ours once asked "what was Hitler's surname?" To which we replied "Well, Hitler". She then looked very confused and came back with "what? He was Hitler Hitler?" Us; "Errrr no."
We were two thirds of the way through a bottle of wine, but still.....

Solitude your SIL sounds a charmer.

Sparkly words fail me. And that doesn't happen often.

Ilovemydog that's sad.

"I wasn't sick when I was pregnant because I hate being sick so therefore I stopped myself. I think the nausea was actually worse for me but I can't bear to be sick."

"Shes obviously lying about been unwell, probably sat in front of the fire or something"

Mums friend said about me to my mum. I ended up in hospital with meningococcal that night.

"My daughter walked after her operation so why cant "
Said to my mum by woman from above after I had been run over at 11. I had 4 operations to save the leg and had metal rods sticking out of it as well as missing muscle. The hospital gave me a wheel chair to use.

The operation her daughter had? She had her tonsils out! It was hilariously mental.

"I know you want to be bridesmaid but your leg wont look good in the pictures"

Uncle due to having scars from accident. I had just got out of a cast and starting to wall properly and the fucker took my bridesmaid duty off me.

"I don't see the problem with sweatshops. If you work in one you wouldn't have time to learn about other jobs - it would be all you knew so you wouldn't feel abused."

"Back in the olden days everyone had servants".

From someone I was doing post-graduate studies with. To be fair, when I pointed out the lack of logic in his comments he did appear genuinely surprised and admitted it made no sense.

A friend who I love and is very smart was talking with me about DS2 and his forthcoming 17th birthday.
(DS2 has severe difficulties, functions at about age 5 level)

'do you think he will manage driving lessons?'

I am all for positivity but I was
In fairness, after an awkward silence, she and I did both go 'ermmmmm. Possibly not?' at the same time andd laughed about it.