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Original poster

The utterly ridiculous / hysterical comments your friends come out with, in which you seriously question if they live on the same planet as you...[lighttheart]

594 replies

daughterofafarmer · 02/10/2013 11:26

My friend said this utter gem last week...

'I'm buying DS a 2nd pair of Wellingtons as I don't have an Aga to help dry out the wet pair....'

Another friend

'I don't think one should children until you can afford childcare'....Que me nearly spitting out my drink...

OP posts:
Rooners · 02/10/2013 17:02

Not a friend but ds1 after he and ds2 abandoned our car in order to ambush me at the checkout in waitrose, (they are 6 and 10 and were playing happily on their nintendo when I left them)

'But mum, I made fake car locking noises'.

Hmm
gennibugs · 02/10/2013 16:58

On holiday in Florida

American Lady: "Where are you from?"

Me: "the UK"

American lady: "Wow that must have been a long drive"

Me: "You cant drive from London there's an ocean in between us?"

American Lady: "Really?!"

:o

MrsGeologist · 02/10/2013 16:57

I think I may have once drunkenly mused that life would be great in 3D Blush

Poledra · 02/10/2013 16:56

YBR, I've had the same comment about my twin brother too. From my very good friend who is highly intelligent but often fails to engage brain before opening mouth...

SouthernComforts · 02/10/2013 16:52

Me and a friend discussing taking wine to a party.

Me "I've got this "

Friend "i'll just take this then "

Me "yeah, but you won't get very tipsy on that.."

Friend "why not, its the same strength as yours isn't it? "

ReginaldBlinker · 02/10/2013 16:52

Can confirm about the knives though. Americans are useless at using knives when eating.

ReginaldBlinker · 02/10/2013 16:51

I was inviting a friend (American) to come and visit me. She messages me, "Just looking at a map, and I can't find it... How far outside of London is Great Britain?"

Also had someone from the UK tell me that the only type of cheese that we had in the States was the plastic sheet cheese. Erm... Confused

DameDeepRedBetty · 02/10/2013 16:49

I was delighted to discover that Transylvania, Timbuktoo and the Antipodes were all real places. Very disappointed that Ruritania wasn't though.

oinktopus · 02/10/2013 16:47

drudge My friend seriously thinks people from African countries don't excel at Olympic swimming because they have "heavy bones".

So nothing at all to do with there being much fewer facilities, then?

oinktopus · 02/10/2013 16:44

Overheard in a takeaway a few years ago...

Customer: How big is a nine inch pizza?
Pizza maker: This big.
Customer: No. How big is it in inches?
Pizza maker: Umm... it's nine inches.
Customer: So it's the same as the name of it?
Pizza maker: Yes.
Customer: What about the thin crust ones?
Pizza maker: Can I take your order?
Customer: Yeah, a can of Coke, please.

GoldenGytha · 02/10/2013 16:40

Could be right Sparkly

It was the hoiking of the bosoms that got me Smile

Sparklysilversequins · 02/10/2013 16:35

Jesus in an egg? Grin

Sparklysilversequins · 02/10/2013 16:34

I think Americans cut up all their food using their knife but then put the knife down, transfer the fork to the other hand then the knife takes no further part in the meal but I am happy to be corrected.

drudgewithagrudge · 02/10/2013 16:31

You never see black people in swimming competitions because they don't float like white people.

The eastern european lady who sells the Big Issue in our town is apparently a millionaire in her home country.

Both heard in our local Conservative club.

emmelinelucas · 02/10/2013 16:30

doing IT.
Sheesh

emmelinelucas · 02/10/2013 16:28

My DIL was starting ttc, and said, in all seriousness "I'm trying for twins"
Me "so, you're doing twice a night, then ?!"
DIL -"Yes, my DH is exhausted"
Grin

GoldenGytha · 02/10/2013 16:20

Not me, but a local author tells the tale of her recently divorced friend asking her,

"Weel, that's him awa, how lang til I'm a virgin again?"

Always made me giggle, I think she may have been waiting rather a long time!

ArtisanLentilWeaver · 02/10/2013 16:16

Years ago-
Friend of my mother (heavily pregnant) "The baby's toes are poking out of my bottom".

Mum (a midwife) - "You have piles".

enormouse · 02/10/2013 16:16

YBR I'd have been tempted to say 'yes…well, apart from the penis'

GoldenGytha · 02/10/2013 16:11

My mum many years ago before I left home,

I was eating peas and sweetcorn just using my fork, and she said "Use your knife, Golden, you're not an American"

So Americans don't use knives Confused

TeamJavert · 02/10/2013 16:05

I've posted this before,but a former colleague once asked if we roll eggs down a hill at Easter,because the Romans put Jesus in an egg, and rolled him down a hill,after he was crucified.

GoldenGytha · 02/10/2013 16:05

Oh and DD2 when she was little,

"Oh cats have skin, Mummy, I thought they just had fur" Grin

FeckOffCup · 02/10/2013 16:04

I once met someone who believed Egypt wasn't a real place, she believed it was just made up in stories

I thought that about Transylvania for years, never knew it was a real country until the cheeky girls turned up on popstars.

GoldenGytha · 02/10/2013 16:00

A former friend "You know why elephants are scared of mice? It's because the mice crawl up their trunks when they're asleep and eat their brains"

She didn't get why I was helpless with laughter.

Zombie Mice, FFS.

YBR · 02/10/2013 15:54

"Oooo you've a twin brother; are you identical?"
err..

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