So I am looking after my friends 3 year old for the weekend.
I'd just like to point out, before I post the wonderful things that have happened since yesterday, that I do actually have children.
3 in fact.
I point that out because after reading this, you might be forgiven for thinking I have no clue about children what so ever 
So...she arrives at 5pm. Lovely, lovely girl. Lovely mum who for some reason thinks I am trustworthy, drops her off without a fuss.
Oh dear god.
All is well for a while. We eat dinner, she eats it all up. And dessert. I am cleaning the kitchen, I turn around and she is eating the dogs food out of his bowl.
And then told me the doggies dinner is very tasty
We are watching tv later on and I ask my ds1 to keep an eye on her while I make a cup of tea.
I come back, she is in the dogs bed.
She wants to play hide and seek. So she hides.
Can I find her? No.
Can the DCs find her? No.
Im about to call the fucking police because clearly she has disappeared when she pops out from a bush in the garden covered head to foot in mud.
We give her a bath, got her pjs on. I go to make her a hot chocolate. I turn round and find her sitting in a cupboard. Of course, I notice she is in there the very second I shut the cupboard door. On her head.
I put her to bed on the little bed in my room.
I go to bed as well because I know if I am not sitting there looking at her, something will happen.
I wake up, an hour ago. She is asleep in the dogs bed.
She just said to me "I had so much fun auntie tantrums. I are doggies dinner, you lost me, I got very dirty and sleeped in the doggy bed. And you shut me in the cupboard"
She found it all hysterically funny.
She's going to go home and tell her mum all of that isn't she??
Is there any way at all I can put a positive spin on this??
I very doubt my friend is ever going to talk to me again, let alone trust me with her child.